A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well Hi, I just don't understand it. Back in high school, guys never ever showed any interest in me. Not ever. I only got asked to one dance in all four years of high school (there were about 3 or 4 dances a year). The one guy that did ask me didn't really have anyone else to ask. We weren't even really friends. It's like guys saw me, knew who I was (I wasn't some unknown girl), but didn't think I was worthwhile. It irked me a little bit. Like, I had never been kissed, never been asked on a date, never really even been complimented by a guy, never felt special. And I know I'm a little quiet when you first meet me, but that goes away pretty quickly once I get to know you a bit. It's not like I'm ugly either; I'm really pretty and my friends that are girls tell me this a lot. And I'm in great shape. So I never really understood how this had happened to me. I'm a sophomore in college now. I've been asked out on a couple dates, but honestly the connection just wasn't there for me with those couple of guys. Whenever I meet guys randomly, they just want to fool around with me. Which is a complete 180 from high school. It's just so weird. And was hard to get used to. Recently, I went on a really great first date with a guy and we kissed (my first kiss sadly) at the end of the date. I thought it could actually (finally) lead me to worthwhile relationship. He was sweet, had a lot of the same beliefs as me, thought it was cool I didn't drink. But no, the guy stopped asking me out on dates and just wanted me to come over to fool around because I'm "so amazingly sexy." And honestly, I have been messing around with him. And it's not because that's what I like to do, but it's because this gives me an opportunity to at least have ANY experience with a guy. Which is sad. When my friends ask about it, I just kinda play it off like I'm cool with just messing around casually with him. But it's really just so I can get ANY experience with a guy. He doesn't even treat me the best. He makes it all about him. When HE wants me to come over; answering my texts when HE gets something out of it. I know I should stop seeing him (he's kind of a dick to me) but my emotions are wayyyyy far removed from everything we do. I accept the fact that he's like this and using me to get off because I'm using him just as much to get in as much experience with a really attractive guy as I can. I think I'm just trying to get lots of awkward firsts out of the way with this guy and let him teach me some things (he's older and more experienced) so that when/if I do find a guy that loves me, I won't be completely awful at everything. It's so hard for me not to wonder what's wrong with me. Why do guys never like me for me? They only see me as the flexible ex-gymnast with the nice rack or as the quiet girl not worth talking to. And I'm so much more than that. I'm smart, beautiful, sarcastic, very chill, and have a sense of humor. (Sorry if that sounded conceited). But it's like no guy sees it. All of my friends have been in love and I'm so far from it. Love is beautiful and I want to experience it, even if only for a short while. And sometimes, I feel like it's never going to happen for me. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to ask here, which I realize means this probably won't get published. I think I just needed to vent because I'm a private person about some feelings and so I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends why I'm really messing around with this guy (I just tell them it's because he's so hot (which he is haha)). Anyways, I'd appreciate any advice, encouragement, or opinions. Thank you. Oh PS. There's no way this guy is getting my virginity. Just thought you should know haha. That's being saved for a guy who loves me and respects me and who I love and respect back.-Me
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's me again....the OP. Thanks guys. I needed to hear what y'all said. I don't know why I was feeling trapped with this older guy or why I was blinded on how to fix that problem. Sometimes, I think you just need another unbiased person's perspective.
I stopped the whole situation that guy. I knew I was worth more than that, but I think the fact that a guy was even attracted to me kind of blinded that for me for a bit.
Anyways, I'm back to being just me. So thank you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I have a problem similar to yours. Except, I'm still in highschool. I'm pretty, smart, funny, nice, the whole nine yards. However, no guys I'm interested in are interested in me. However, guys i only see as friends are interested in me, alot. I'm quiet like you, and I think its because i'm too scared to talk or open up to the guys i'm interested in. I think its the same situation with you. If you open up, guys will want you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): I think this all depends on how you are feeling. If you are just with this guy because you feel like 'you have to get experience' but it really isn't making you happy, then I don't think it is worth it! I always think it is better to be alone, single, and happy, than it is to be miserable in some sort of sham, one way relationship that you are getting nothing out of, except for the opportunity of showing off to your friends that you can get a guy's attention. However, if you just want to mess around, have a bit of fun and are light hearted about it, enjoying the drama etc, then I guess that's fine as well (and you may as well, if you are young and in college), but I just don't really get that impression from your post.It is not very unusual for a girl to get no interest from guys when she is younger (even if she is good looking, and a genuinely nice girl) and then suddenly to have all sorts of guys hitting on her a few years later. people grow up, they want different things, and see people in a whole new way, especially when there has been a major change like moving on to college. They have to build confidence themselves as well, maybe they just weren't ready to ask you out in high school. I would say your experience sounds very typical, and not to worry about it. If you want a boyfriend, then you need to put yourself out there, be social, and meet people. Don't allow a guy to tell you to come over and mess around, if that's not what you want. tell him he has to date you properly first, and that you are looking for a relationship. if he doesn't want any part of that, then its unfortunate, but at least you know, and will get you one step closer to what you are actually looking for.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): As a guy, I like to try to read these kinds of posts and then find the parts I think might turn guys off.I wonder if maybe guys might see you as a little cold/removed? Guys don't feel the need to date their little sister, but they do, in general, like a woman who is feminine and sometimes maybe even submissive (I mean this in very subtle ways).I also wonder how honest and open you are with guys. If you are a "private person" and can't even tell your friends your feelings, how can you share them with new dates? Honestly, you do seem like an awesome girl, but if you don't show your values to men, if you don't open up and show some vulnerability, they will never know those parts of you.If you want to build an emotional connection, you have to take the risks that come with it. Remember, when you're on a date you're not trying to spend time with your "normal" friend, so don't treat your dates like that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 You teach people how they should treat you. If you don't want to just fool around you need to be firm about it. It'll suck since there will be tons of guys you want to fool around with, but you need to keep your eye on the goal and not on the temporary temptations. That said, I am just as guilty as you for "giving in" to fooling around when I actually want more. It's not easy to say no to temptation even when you know it's not even half of what you actually need and want.
Don't say "why do guys never like me for me" because you haven't lived for eternity yet, nor are you at your deathbed. A guy will come along who will like you for you. But you wont meet him if you keep occupying yourself with guys who are flaky and selfish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): Don't take this the wrong way, but you seem kind of desperate. You seem like a really nice woman, but you crave attention for all of the wrong reasons. I'm a guy and I'm sort of the same way and I know exactly where you're coming from. My suggestion is to stop seeing the guy that's a dick to you all the time because he doesn't deserve you. Love yourself a little more too because you seem like a good catch. The more confidence and love for yourself that you have, then the quality guys start to pay more attention to you
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