A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been wanting a threesome with another women, i was for it at first but after his pushing and searching I started to have my insecruities. I feel tho, it needs to happen. I was unfaithful to him.I kissed a guy. (it might not seem unfaithful, but it is to me)He knows and we have moved on. But i feel like i deserve to be punished for it.He uses the excuse all men use (at lest to me)"i just want to see you with another women"He even said he wouldn't have to be involved, he would like to watch.I guess us rutting together has gotten dull for him i'm not sure.I 'm scared to voice my issues to him.We have been threw much and i owe him everything.Please help anyway you can. I'm honestly lost and confused.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Thanks for the update, that's an ending that I like very much.. lol
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Update::LostandConfused but slightly growing up girl again. (:Well we had the talk and i told him that i honestly do not want this.I told him everything i have felt/thought/ and what i have learned from this site.(Ty again btw)He listened the whole time and let me finish. He said that he was never trying to hurt me and that he loves me, if i don't want this then we never have to talk about it again.So far everything has been great.I also have picked up a few things to help with our sex lifr. Just to spice it up.(Belly dancing is kinda hard when you have NO balance lol)I just wanted to let you all know that you really did help me save my marriage. Thank you!!
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A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Please do not put your dignity at stake because of much horrendous fantasy...it will be better to have a open conversation with your husband than getting involved in a thressome to satisfy your husbands fanantasy...it might turn up to be a repentance for life.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 February 2012):
He's either young like you, and full of stupid ideas which he got from porn and he's not thinking about the reality and the difficulties that may come up.Or he's a lot older, wiser and knows exactly what he's doing and married a young woman so he could fool her and manipulate her.No worries... just learn to say NO, and put your needs and your children's needs first. Man is allowed to have his fantasy, but what he's not allowed to do is try to manipulate and force you to join in. Sure he can ask, and then you say "thanks but no thanks".Get a stronger backbone where men are concerned, love doesn't mean that you have to do everything he says or try to please him in ways that are hurtful to you.Good luck. (you sound fine, young and confused and learning very quickly.. lol)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 You are very, very welcome. I am relieved that you've decided to decline his request.
Thank you for the follow up. It's nice to know when we've made a difference instead of being left to worry.
In the end everything will all work out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): Hello everyone,
I'm the "lost and confused" girl.
I have read and thought about what you have all said. Thank you very much for all your advice.
I plan on talking to him heart to heart.
Altho we gave this issue i know he will respect me.
(if he doesn't i'll kick him to the curb)
I do not want to be with someone for the rest of my life who could tutn my mistakes against me.
I'm the stay at home mom with a part time job, and going to school.
I understand I am young. (& maybe) i did get married to soon.
But i have come far from when him and i dated 4 years ago to being married for two years. ( I pray it will work)
I still can hope for the best.
THANK YOU
So much.
(:
Honestly, thank you for everything. I know how i might sound. But i'm very happy w/ what i read from everyone
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2012):
 You don't OWE your husband a 3-some.
If you aren't comfortable with it you need to be upfront and honest about it.
Also, if he keeps pestering you suggest it's two guys and you, bet he doesn't want to have a 3-some after that..
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (3 February 2012):
 At the most, you are 21? How in the world to he already bored with you and willing to jeapordize your relationship by bringing someone else into the bedroom? What's he going to want in 3-4 year when you are all used up (sarcasm)?
I had my fantasys when I was younger (still have a few) but some fantasys are meant to be kept just that.
I advise that you work on your relationship. Just the two of you.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (3 February 2012):
 A threesome may be exciting and amazing, yet, if you're not attracted to another woman, what joy would there be for you?
If you're comfortable with being a sex slave to your husband's desires, however brief it may be, go for it!
If, however, it is important for you to retain your self-worth, as well as your husband's affection, offer him to have a threesome!
With one twist, though. Ask him to make out with another guy!
:)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Ask him if he thinks you deserve to be punished for cheating (I agree with you, kissing is unfaithful). If he doesn't think you deserve further punishment then take the threesome off the table. Instead, if you feel like punishing yourself, do it by doing things that are constructive to you and your marriage. For example as punishment you must always clean the house every Monday, for example. Or do charity work. Anything that is constructive.
Are you actually interested in doing things with another woman? No? Tell him. I don't think he'd be all for the idea if he knows you aren't interested in doing it. Sexual acts are supposed to be pleasurable for all those who are involved, and a loving partner (most probably) would not enjoy watching or going through with an act when they KNOW those involved are not enjoying themselves. I know I wouldn't be happy about having a threesome or include other people unless all people involved were happy about it and interested in doing it.
I've once had a threesome with me and another couple, they invited me to join them, and as the woman was bisexual (as am I) it was enjoyable for us all. Unless you are a bisexual it wont be interesting at all for you to engage in sexual activity with another woman. The other thing is that I've been in a relationship where the man wasn't interested in including another woman, and I was fine with that as I wouldn't want him to do things he doesn't enjoy. That just takes away the entire point of it.
Talk to your husband about how you feel about involving another woman. Tell him you feel you must take a threesome as your punishment. Then hear what he has to say about that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): tell your husband to go fuck himself and then leave him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): Hi. I wouldnt do it if i were you. If you feel this guilty over a stolen kiss, imagine how much worse you are going to feel after having sex with another woman! Whether he agrees to that or not it is still breaking a vow to be faithful. Prove your faithfulness now by refusing to be used in this way. And you dont owe him a threesome just because you have both been through a lot together. If we all had to perform threesomes because our spouse had helped us through difficult times, we would be popping in and out of strangers beds like ping pong balls! A good marriage doesnt work like that. Go back to basics and reflect on your marriage vows. Im sure they didnt mention anything about threesomes.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (3 February 2012):
You've gotten some very good responses here. I hope you take to heart what has been said.
You must understand what forgiveness is. It means that the one to whom the debt is owed will not seek its repayment.
If you borrow $100 from me and I forgive you. That means I will not expect you to pay me back either in cash or in trade. I will eat the loss. Do you understand?
Your husband has not forgiven you but for all we know he isn't even that concerned about what you did. This isn't about making amends. He is using your guilt to extract a favour he would not get otherwise. His desire for a threesome predates your transgression.
And though he may be willing to just watch now, his plan is to eventually join in. If not this time, then certainly at some point in the future. People generally don't fantasize about sitting on the sidelines while someone else has all the fun.
Do NOT indulge him. You're allowed to change your mind and you don't owe him an explanation, let alone a threesome. You had second thoughts because you sensed his self serving agenda. Listen to that inner voice.
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A
female
reader, herself +, writes (3 February 2012):
don't do it. you don't want to. what more justification do you need? how is this going to assuage your guilt over kissing another man? it won't. it will make you feel worse about yourself and your marriage. sex is not meaningless and trying to treat it as such damages your dignity. why would you debase yourself? giving away pieces of yourself won't fix anything. and making up your own excuses as to why your husband deserves this is also bad for you. if you feel about the kiss, then the best way to solve that is to really be honest with yourself about why you did that. it isn't about your husband and his needs. that was about you and only you can forgive yourself it. don't fall into making your marriage a ledger of debts and credits. it will the marriage and you apart, very slowly.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (3 February 2012):
You kissed a guy and for that you want punishment.... but the punishment seems a bit extreme to me... why can't you sentence yourself to do the dishes or be his love slave for a week.. that seems more balanced.Have you really considered what having sex with a woman means. It usually involves her doing oral sex on you and you doing oral sex on her... you kissed another man (something you like to do) but now you want to have another woman stick her tongue down your throat and swap spit as your breasts squash together.I'm heterosexual just like you, I don't have sex with women. I'm really curious about how your going to do this thing without vomiting all over her.Suppose he said the punishment was to have sex with all his friends, would you also agree to doing that. It was only a kiss, not something you need to get naked for, not something that leads to orgasm... I find your husband manipulative and creepy... who is to say that he won't use your having sex with another woman to blackmail you into having sex with other men, or maybe two men at the same time, that's another male fantasy... where will this thing end... you sure that after this he'll be satisfied.. you need to think again. He'll keep on nagging you to do it again, or to do something more extreme.Also threesomes are tricky, very few men can stand and watch, they usually want to join in. Famous case involved a writer and Pulitzer prize winner.. he got his wife to have sex with a woman (through nagging, blackmail and manipulation), and when she went to the bathroom she came back to find him and the woman having sex. When she filed for divorce, he turned it round and divorced her for adultery and being a lesbian... she lost custody of her kids. (she wrote a book about it, and they later made it into a film to warn other women in the same situation)I thought your guy was upset and jealous because you kissed someone else.. so how come he's not upset and jealous now but is actually forcing you to sex another woman when he knows you hate it.Be careful, men who manipulate you into threesomes never stop there and will continue to manipulate you to do all kinds of things in the bedroom, soon you'll be swinging and doing sex orgies, and he'll continue to blackmail you by saying stupid things like "but you kissed someone else.. or you loved doing sex with that girl....." That's how many women find themselves trapped into porn or prostitution.Be very careful... this aint love and he's already forgiven you for a very small mistake. What he's doing now is trying to make you guilty so he can use blackmail to make you embarrass and hate yourself, and give him a live sex doll who will do all kinds of extreme and perverted sexual things for his excitement for as long as she's married to him. (perversion is forcing someone to do something they hate.. no offence meant to lesbians or consensual swingers)THIS ISN'T LOVE, THIS IS SICK.At 18-21 you are still young.. if you do this thing, you'll be in counselling and therapy when you get older and wiser.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Here's the thing. You're focusing your guilt in the wrong direction. Just because you kissed someone else doesn't mean that you are obligated to agree to a threesome.
If you want to act on your guilt, the best thing to do is to focus on your marriage to make it stronger, not ram a dagger through it.
If you "rutting together" has gotten dull and you're saying that, that means that it's dull for you, and that there's a lot more in the marriage that needs work. Allowing a "revenge cheat" won't make things any better.
I'm guessing that he's been pushing for the threesome before you kissed someone else. I'm wondering if you get married too early. Is there a child involved now?
For your sake, don't trash the marriage. Do things that rebuild love and trust, and threesomes aren't the way to go for these reasons.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Please don't do this! People make mistakes in relationships. True love is about forgiveness for mistakes and working together to press forward. This self-induced "punishment" is not what you need at all. You will only feel worse afterwards. And relationships-marriages in particular-are about a committment and vows made between TWO individuals. There are more than enough ways to spice things up for two people in the bedroom. That is still your marriage bed. Do not share that with anyone else! Please!
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