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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: First, I went online to the dating site that I had been on and while I was off I had joined a few others just to make friends and pen pals. I sent a flirt to this person and he was a nice looking guy and a message also. He responded back to me and said that he would like to get to know me and possibly meet since he is not far away. We chatted a few times and I just decided to look his name on Google. He looks like a model in some of his photos. My friends have been warning me that some of the profiles of these guys could be fake. So when I saw him on Google it said that this guy does acting and so I went back on the site and I noticed that his first name was different than his user name which was the actor's name. I didn't get around to asking him so I guess I was excited about meeting him. When we talked about meeting he asked me if I go to the city or if he came out where I am could he stay at my place. I toldhim that we could meet at the mall. He also wanted to bring drinks and a movie. Well anyway my suspicions were growing when I received a photo of him on my cell I saw his body but his face was cut off. He is tall but I thought that was a bit odd. I went back online to question him about his real name. Now the other site that I joined I saw him on it and I didn't really know him yet because I hadn't gone back on the original one that I am on and I didn't think much of it. So the message that I had left him pretty much said that I wanted to know what his real name was, and I explained that the user name he has belongs to an actor. I said to him that if I didn't hear from him then I would assume that he lied on his profile about who he is. I told him that I saw him on another site the other one that I am on, and it said that he is a dancer which was never listed. So he responded to my message being defensive which I expected. He said that he understood why I felt that way but told me that it was a little nuts to go through such lengths to expose him, which I did not do. I told him that I came across his profile on the other site and I just favorited him and that was it. I didn't make the connection until I saw him on the original one that I am on. I really felt this guy acted inappropriately when all I was trying to do was be careful. After all he tried to invite himself to my place and we hadn't even met yet. Am I wrong? He didn't even defend himself and say I am the actual actor you saw on Google. My name is different just like actors who don't use their real names. Any advice?Should I have handled it better?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs for an update, I went on the site recently and this guy was still on the site. When I remained on to check my inbox, I noticed his photo was gone which means that the account is closed. I will assume that the staff warned him or he left on his own but either way I got back at him for calling me a Gremlin. I said the definition of a Gremlin a man on Yahoo description is an ugly, mean, thieving, sub-human monster. They will also screw anything that moves. And I told him he was describing himself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice everyone. I have been feeling a little better about what I did to save myself.
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male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (29 September 2013):
By your own words this guy is a psychopath and you were right in handling the and situation the way you did. Who is he to put you down? He is probably some three hundred pound biggest loser contestant. When i first met my girlfriend via close family and friends i had to go the busiest star bucks and meet her best friend first while trying to introduce myself to my girlfriend. While i was making eyes at my future girlfriend her friend was asking me millions of questions so i just handed her my wallet and said look through it do what you want. If there is anything in there your not happy about I will get up and leave. She was surprised but it all worked out. There are lots of creeps on these dating sites. Never meet him alone, meet somewhere busy where lots of people can see you both. If this guy appears to be turning into a Dexter get the hell out of there asap. Standard routine gotta go to the bathroom and never come back. Report these creeps to the dating sites what you did was correct. They are worth millions of dollars and should kick these losers off. Good-luck move forward..
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 Oh you did the right thing.
I mean who would meet up wit ha total stranger and not know their name? Or invite them to their house?
The dude was after sex - he wanted to come to your place.. You are/were both stranger so inviting one into your home is not safe nor smart. Because IF he turns out to be a weirdo/psycho or just not a good fit you would be STUCK with him and HE would know YOUR address - and could easily find ALL YOUR details online.
So yes, IF you "talk" to someone online - and decide to meet up ask for his name. I would tell it it would just be weird meeting someone and not knowing their name. Don't give more explanations then that. IF he is not willing then don't meet up.
GOOD that you alerted the staff. And as for his insults - shrug them off you caught him with his "pants" down. And HE RESENTED that. What a loser. Be glad you ducked that bullet.
ALWAYS trust your instincts, they ARE usually right.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2013):
 yep you were correct. you trusted your instincts and that was good.
never meet anyone you've met online in person anywhere but a public place.
and trust your initial instincts. he got all mad and pissy with you because you called him out and he felt defensive.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 I think you absolutely did the right thing. Your gut was telling you this guy wasn't who he said he was and there is nothing wrong with checking a few details before you meet.
He said he was bringing drink and a movie, this suggests he assumed he was coming to your house and that is very dangerous with someone you just met. It's even more dangerous than meeting someone in a bar because with the internet, there are no witnesses and if something bad happened, there would not be anyone around to help you.
I tried internet dating when I first became divorced and I was staggered at the amount of men who were just looking for sex encounters (and that was on a well established paid site for older people)but I guess thats guys for you.
Turns out that your 'friend' was abusive and rude too so I think you had a very lucky escape indeed.
Forget about him, set your 'rules' a little higher and perhaps date people who live close by so you can just have a quick meet to see if you get on. Don't reveal your address or where you work until you know you are sure about a guy.
Good luck and I hope you find Mr Right :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Yes you did the right thing. Any honorable and respectable man would have understood and explained the answers to your questions without getting defensive. These guys aren't stupid...well, okay, that's debatable :-/Anyway, good for you for not falling for the nonsense that goes on with all of these dating sites. There are good ones out there seriously looking for the same thing you are, but unfortunately you have to weed through the idiots to find them.How ironic how dating sites promote the convenience and saving time because we are all so busy, etc., etc., etc, yet it's so time consuming to get through all the trolls and chronic loser on-line, never intending to leave their home to meet anyone kind of people.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (28 September 2013):
 He was lying like a lot of people do on Internet dating. You have to wade through the bad ones for the odd decent one. Don't assume everyone is a honest decent person just because you are.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry I left out the most important thing. This guy got so heated that he was using profanity and talking about how he would have played the game and f..... me in the a.. and still call him by the name he used in his profile description of himself. Then proceeded to brag about how many women he could get using the term available p..... in the city. I suddenly became unattractive to him because I was questioning and doubting him. And he also said that he didn't think it was worth it to come and meet a gremlin like me at a mall.I alerted the staff and they put an automatic block on him so he can't contact me.
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