A
female
age
30-35,
*alletchick76
writes:I would like help from everyone, but am searching more for that guy perspective: I've met this awesome guy, and I think we clicked from the moment we introduced ourselves to each other. I really like hanging out with him, but I worry that if I keep talking to him or doing things with him, that it might scare him away. But then again I'm torn because I think we talk to our best friends and hang out with them a lot cuz we like being around them, yet in the media (gossip magazines, TV shows, romcoms, etc.) it is discouraged to be "too available". What should I do?
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female
reader, malletchick76 +, writes (30 September 2013):
malletchick76 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Brilliant responses, thank you so much!!!!!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Be yourself but don't be dependent on him.
My son is 27 and is currently dating a new girl and the thing that he LOVES about her is she's not NEEDY.
she is not emotionally high maintenance, meaning t hat while they spend time together she's happy to go off with her friends and do things with her friends and by herself and she's not DEPENDENT on him to entertain her.
So... keep living your life... the life you were living before him, the life that attracted him to you... go out with your friends and do things... do not plan around when he MIGHT ask you out....
and if he calls and asks you out and you are busy... say "oh i'm sorry I already have plans that day how about we do something on another day"
that sort of thing.... do not sit around and wait for him do not be available at his beck and call... don't smother him but don't play games and pretend to be aloof when you are not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2013):
 I don't believe in games or pretending to be something you are not. HOWEVER, I do think it's good when you are dating someone to ALSO have a life of your own. Go out with friends, go home for dinner, stick to your hobbies or what not.
I have seen it so many times with my female friends ( when we were all younger and dating .) they would give up EVERYTHING for a new BF and not want to hang out for months til the newness wore off.
I think trying to maintain a balance is the best.
Also with people carrying on 1/2 their relationship via text they ARE constantly available. There is no looking forward to talking, no mystery. It's constant and instant gratification. And that, I think wears off fast.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Here's what always worked for me: Never spend more than 12 hours a week together.
That makes 4 3-hour dates a week, or however else you want to arrange that.
That gives you plenty of time with him to do fun stuff but it doesn't suffocate him. It also gives you plenty of time to take care of your own space and self.
Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
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