A
female
age
41-50,
*ay hay
writes:Please can someone help me what to do I am so much in love with a guy who loves me to but he's gone back to his ex cos he misses his son which isn't his biologically but has been there since born little one is 3 now he texts me everyday telling me he loves me and he misses me and I love and miss him to he lives really close to me so I see him everyday which is hard and he comes over for a brew sometimes but we end up getting it on I'm so hurt I know I should walk away from him but I can't :'( please can someone give me some advise xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2013): U say ur a single mother to 5 children and that is why u think u have fallen quicker because u get lonely. true, there is not many guys who would like a large ready made family. that is not love on ur behalf. it is fear of being left alone. big difference. u will get over him when u get under someone else. then the cycle continues.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): He chose to end your relationship and commit to her no matter the reason he gives doesn't matter.
You should take care of yourself by cutting off contact with him. If he really misses you that much he can leave her for good and be with you fully and co-parent with her or work out joint custody like how millions of other divorced and separated parents do. No need to be in a exclusive sexual relationship with her if its his child he wants to spend time with. Therefore ignore his flimsy excuses and stop trying to 'understand ' him. His actions are all you need to go by. And right now his actions show he has made the decision to be with her so you should cut him out of your life.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (28 September 2013):
 No matter what he texts you, or says to you, to him, you are the other woman. If you keep giving, he will take. You are not his FIRST choice, you are his spare.
No matter what he says or shows you, the reality is, he is lying to you, he does not respect you, and probably never will.
If you do not want to end it, then all their is left, is to accept your status as it is.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Better to be lonely than be used and get your heart trodden on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): U sound like ur main concern is not being lonely. That is not true love. U will get over this as soon as u get under someone else, Believe me. It will pass.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (27 September 2013):
 I dont think he has just gone back because he misses the child. To be honest, he probably misses the whole set up, and the centre of that set up is the woman.
You have stated you fell for him quicker because you get lonely. You are making do. You are also using.
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A
female
reader, Hay hay +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hay hay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not like I sleep with him all the time he comes over its only sometimes most of the time we just sit and cuddle but I know what ur saying x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Sorry but he has feelings for the momma and is using the child as an excuse for you
you are his nasty little bit on the side... I'm sure he's lying to the baby's momma too.
you know you should end it with him but you say you can't which means you WON'T so what advice would you like?
"please advise me on how to be used by a man who is a liar and a cheater?"
you've got that down... already happening
if you want us to tell you how to survive this the best thing I can tell you is NO SEX... if you can't stop SEEING him... then don't. BUT for god's sake stop putting out for him. Once you stop that... then he will go away on his own eventually.
Also no replying to texts or conversations about your RELATIONSHIP with him... you don't really have one...
so best thing.. FRIEND ZONE Him... do not let him say he misses you... do not let him say he loves you (best thing is to totally ignore those statements).... keep it just to the weather, sports or other innocuous things with NO physical contact... no hugs, no kisses NO SEX
give it 6 months of this and I'm sure your problem will be resolved.
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A
female
reader, Hay hay +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hay hay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for all ur advise I think because I'm single mum to 5 children I've just fallen for him quicker than I wanted to cos I do get lonely on my own and there's not many ppl out there that will except a woman with some many children I have been taken as a fool I think had my heart broken once again story of my life xx but I do appreciate all ur advise thanks again xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2013):
 He didn't just go back because of the baby - he want back because the MOM & the BABY.
Cut the contact. He made his choice, but not he is stringing you along playing his tiny violins preventing YOU from moving on while he gets to have two women in his life. Basically you are now his side dish. She is the main dish.
If it was JUST the child he wanted to have a relationship with he would try and work something out. Legally though he doesn't have a leg to stand on because it's not his. But I seriously doubt that she has told him you can only see the child of he dates her....
He is playing you big time.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 September 2013):
You need to speak to the other woman, whom he shares the child with. Show her the love texts and tell her you are having sex with him.
Then you will see how he really feels about you. I guarantee you will see another side to him. This sort of thing happens every day. He has you on a hook, a few texts and a shag every now and then keeps you happy whilst he gets to shag two women at the same time. It's as old as the hills and I always wonder why women fall for it time and time again.
You want to live off the scraps? go right ahead, you are in your 30's, life is way too short and women should learn that life for them is a hell of a lot shorter when it comes to finding someone decent...get my meaning?
When you're an old lady and you have wasted a lifetime on a man who likes to shag two women at a time and you never ever did get the loving relationship you needed, you will wish you'd dumped him sooner and spared yourself the dissapointment and pain.
Just because you love him is no reason to put up with such a game playing creep.
Get rid!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): "he's told me that I make him so happy but he's scared of losing the little one :( x"I strongly suspect that he's telling you what you want to hear to stroke your ego and play on your sympathies so he can string you along while he continues to bang his so-called ex."please can someone give me some advise"Don't believe what a guy SAYS, believe what he DOES. If his motives are sincere and he truly loves the child like a son, then unfortunately the mother can use the kid as a weapon and/or bargaining chip since he has no legal standing lacking any relationship by blood, marriage or adoption. In that case, kid comes first and you're a very distant second. If not, then "ex" comes first and you're a piece on the side. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): This happened to me. I reponded just as you. In the end, he never left her. Here it is 25 years later and he is still with her and ended up having 4 children with her in addition to the first child (a boy that wasnt't his and was supposedly the reason why he couldn't leave her). I saw him 4 years ago, and he finally admitted that he went back because he loved her. Don't put yourself through more pain of staying as it will only make it much more harder when doomsday come, which is inevitable He's lying to you and playing on your love for him and your vulnerable emotions to string you along. He's a cheat. Kick his selfish, thoughtless a** to the gutter where he belongs. You are above him and a respectful, honest, loving man awaits you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Yes hes talking rubbish. Hes using you because if hes not then why cant he split up from his ex and see the child on a regular basis like other fathers do when they split up. Dont listen to his excuses.
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A
female
reader, Hay hay +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hay hay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the problem tho because he's not the babys father he's not on the birth certificate so if he leaves the babys mum then he loses the boy he's told me that I make him so happy but he's scared of losing the little one :( x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 You don't refer him as boyfriend so I think there's never been a relationship and he can do whatever he wants. If you are indeed in a relationship then he's violating your trust, because a man can be a caring father figure without being in a relationship with the baby mama. I would suspect that he is using that child to lie to you when he actually is still in love with the ex but the ex won't give him any sex so you fill that need in him. If you want to keep being his booty call and get hurt later then you don't have to walk away. I see that the love word is thrown there. This guy has no shame. He only says he loves you so that you will continue to give him sex. Is it worth it to hurt your self esteem just to hear that L word?
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