A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:seeing my guy 1 yr now. He says he there will never be anything between us. yet one time after sex (he sometimes thinks out loud) he said emotions cannot get into this. He gets closer i think and then pulls away spacing out visits i think to keep his emotions at bay,but it is only my guess. I think he started seeing me less because he started having feelings for me during the first 3 months. again my guess. He has agreed his board games , board game tournaments and board games with the guys at his house on sat nights and then time to visit his dad are priorities and i am last on his list if he has time for me. yet when i said i thought about putting myself on the dating site he said it was ok with him (now that hurt) but... he added but we cannot be doing what we are doing if you have sex with them. yet i notice when i mentioned some things like i was at a coffee shop talking to before i say a girls's name he has suddenly jerked his head to attention.. I do not want to date others. my ? is Is it possible for a fwb to turn into love? Is so, how can it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 October 2013):
 I'm sorry, I don't think it will happen, no matter how much you want it to.
He is content with not having to put forth an effort, no demands (from you) or expectations (for himself when it comes to you).
My guess is, if you told him tomorrow, I can't do this any more, he would be just fine with it. He would find someone else to play doctor with. And if SHE lets him, he will treat her the same way IF he is't interested in more. Finding women who are willing to "pretend" that FWB is OK for them isn't hard, though most would probably have walked away already. FWB is really a temporary solution, someone familiar to screw til you find someone you ACTUALLY want to be with, date and love.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 September 2013):
 "He says there will never be anything between us."
Sadly, he is not your guy.
As Eyeswideopen suggests, pick up that ball, go home and start anew tomorrow.
Being focused on this guy is keeping you from finding someone who wants the same things you do. Cut him loose before he drags you down with him.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 September 2013):
 You pick the ball and go home. Tomorrow find a new playmate and a new court to play in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto Fatherly advice:
yes Months ago i have told him that i do not want to go anywhere else.
and i am honest if i went out with anyone i would tell him and he agreed if he went out with anyone else he would tell me.
Thank you for the kind advice. I "get it".
Now the ball is in my court i think you commented. I just do not know what to do with the ball.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 September 2013):
As you can see we are very consistent with our advice. Posting this question over and over again will just get you more of the same. This is a dead horse, quit beating it. I personally believe a FWB arrangement is a recipe for disaster. Time to find a new guy who doesn't just want a "hole" relationship but actually wants a "whole" relationship with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): You say he sees you less because when begins to feel more for you? Think of what you are telling us. Sorry but when a guy falls for a woman he can't get enough of her. You can't run them off with a stick.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 September 2013):
 The answer to your question is mostly no. The answer you need is this: Intimacy is intimacy. emotional, sexual, financial / practical. You have advanced the relationship to sexual intimacy. Your mind equates that to emotional intimacy. What you have here is a relationship with a damaged partner. He has sexual intimacy with you. He has practical intimacy with you. He has wounded emotions that have shut down. If his emotions were working he would have emotional intimacy with you.
You have a relationship with him that up until recently was satisfying to you. He values your fidelity. you think he doesn't because of his answer to the dating site question. What happened there was you asked the wrong question, and got the wrong answer. You asked should I look somewhere else for affection. His answer was if you do I will have to withdraw intimacy. What you should have asked was Are we exclusive? His answer would have been I'm a faithful man and I appreciate your faithfulness to me. Your faithfulness is the reason that I can offer this amount of intimacy.
Now he is wondering if you will remain. He knows he cannot give you everything you want. He is afraid that it will not be enough. The ball is in y our court, how will you play it. Will you tell him what you have told us? That you don't really want to go anywhere else. Will you continue to pressure him for something he is not ready to give yet? Or will you move on in hopes of a better connection somewhere else.
My advice is that you stop with the threats and pressure. Analyze your own needs and see if they really are being met. Stop worrying about the labels. And last but not least. Leave him before you start looking elsewhere. He can not take another betrayal.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2013):
 oh what GAMES.. .cause maybe I know you guys... ROFL
i met my FWB while board gaming...
in our case he became my spouse... but not because i cared about him... that grew for me as it does for most women who are having sex with a guy... but we knew within 4 months of our starting our LDR/NSA/FWB that it would be more. IT was not what either of us wanted or planned.
IN YOUR case however, it's NOT love. He's made it clear you are lowest on his priority list. He's made it clear he's ok with you dating and having sex with others but that he'd stop sticking it to you if you are with others. (a wise move)
I think you are best to cut your losses with this guy as you clearly want more that he's not willing to give.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-he-say-he-feels-no-connection.html
Hi OP, I am guessing you also posted this question, and the other one today asking about no emotional connection?
You're not going to get what you want with this guy. He's been totally honest with you. Sorry but it's time to either accept this situation or move on. I'd suggest the latter.
Good luck.
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