A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This may be a stupid question but what are some signs or how do you know if your boyfriend is not over his ex girlfriend?I really don't want to jump to conclusions or anything but I just have this feeling that my boyfriend still misses and has feelings for his ex even though he says he doesn't.
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): It does sound like a confusing situation for youSince your b/f and his ex have many mutual friends it's not altogether surprising that he still sees her sometimes. When they meet up is it always in a group and are you able to go along too? This (I think) is okay unless he spends all his time at these events chatting to her and excluding you (or even excluding other friends) which would indicate that his ex is still the primary focus of his attention.I don't think he should really be meeting up with her one-to-one, though, except in special circumstances (they work together or they're planning a surprise birthday party for a friend)As for the telephone calls - this would concern me the most. Talking on the phone a few times a week is a lot, especially if he doesn't talk to his other friends on the phone that often. Quick calls to organise parties with friends etc would be okay but general chats...? Who is it that initiates the contact - if it's always him then he may still be hankering after her. What do they talk about -are you able to hear the content of the calls. If he always leaves the room then I'm afraid that's also a bad sign.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Hey everyone, thanks all for the replies and help.My boyfriend and his ex still have a lot of mutual friends and I guess that's the main reason they still stay in touch. They talk at least a few times a week. They were together for almost two years. I understand this but I do worry about it actually now that you guys have mentioned it...do you think him still talking to her is a bad thing or is it normal? I'd hate for him to give up the mutual friends he has.And to answer some of the other questions you guys have ; they broke up almost a year ago and we've been together for about 4 months. in regards to their break up, she actually left him for another guy (who my boyfriend is actually friends with..which I think is odd) he did not want to break up and he still wanted to be with her but I guess she didn't want to. He's a shy laid back type of person who unfortunately has let a lot of ex girlfriends walk all over him and treat him bad. He falls and gets attached really easily as well. I'm not sure what type of person his ex is as I don't know her, all I know is that my boyfriend was crazy about her and really loved her.If you guys have any more questions I'll be glad to answer, thanks again for your help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): If he still talk about her a lot, doesn't matter if its negative or positive talk...just the fact he is talking about her.
Infact negative is a sure sign he ISN'T over her, as he seems to hold a grudge.....so if he says he HATES her, or she is MENTAL, or let herslf go, etc etc etc....I would say he is definitely NOT over her.
You will know if he IS over her, as he wont talk about her, or he feels indifference towards her, meaning he couldn't care less about her.
It would help if we knew more about your situation and why you think he isn't over her?
As in:
How long ago did they break up?
When did you and him get together?
Does he still talk to her?
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 It might be more helpful for you to list the reasons you suspect he may not be over his ex and get our thoughts on those.
How long ago did they break up?
How long were they together?
What was their relationship like, generally speaking?
What was the break up like?
What type of person is she? Does she dominate a room or is she quiet and reserved?
What sort of person is he? A take charge type or go with the flow?
How long afterward did you and he begin dating?
How long have you been together?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Here are some things that I've experienced, sad but true: ~Tries to basically recreate the whole past relationship with you. Always takes you to places THEY went and wants to do things THEY did together. Never wants to try something new. He may even suggest that you should wear certain clothing because it's what SHE would wear. You're YOU, and she's her. He should respect you and love you for who you are.~ Calls/texts/Facebooks her all the time. Even if she don't answer...He still keeps trying to keep the lines of contact open. She shouldn't even be on his fb friends at all...~ Brings her name up constantly, and rarely says anything negative against her. Like "sheila this...sheila that...sheila was such a great cook!" ~He drives past her house. He practically stalks her. ~ He talks badly about her current hubby/bf/fiance and says things like "he's scum" and "he don't deserve her." ~ Accuses YOU of being interested in someone else all the time (to dissuade his own guilt). He may even accuse you of cheating...~He's overly critical of you, and/or maybe compares and contrast the two of you an awful lot.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Constantly talking about her (whether in a positive or negative way)
Maintaining regular contact via phone/text/email (regardless of whether the ex responds)
Frequently checking her facebook, twitter and other social networking pages
Always asking mutual friends or acquaintances how she is, what she's doing or if she's seeing anyone else
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 October 2013):
 When he tells you that he is "... just going out for a pack of cigarettes...".... and he is gone overnight.... and returns smelling like her genitals and her perfume.. and, HE DOESN'T SMOKE!!!!..... Then you may conclude that he is not "over her"....
Short of that, you've got to trust the guy....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): He calls you by her name the first time you had sex together. THAT happened to me!! He calls you by her name--all the time.He gets events mixed up when it was his he and ex attended them or went to the same place when THEY dated and not you but thinks it was you and him. A guys brain gets weird when there is a horrible break up and they are trying to deal with it.He avoids going to certain restaurants that they went together as as a couple because the memory is too painful for him. NOTE: I picked up on that only because there was one restaurant that we NEVER went to so I figured it out. Out of curiousity, I went there over lunch just to check it out. Very ritzy place, so he went all out for her.He doesn't treat you the same as his ex. Never gets you flowers from a top florist. Maybe the Wal-mart flowers. I saw this on their photos together. Yes, I got the Wal-mart flowers. Not saying that is bad, but he went to great lengths to impress his ex-girlfriend.He got her very special cards, but he gets you friendship cards.Stares at other women around you. Not being insecure, just that tells me he is not ready for a relationship if he can't stay focused on you when you are out in public on a date together.He jumped into a relationship too soon and you are the rebound.I was the rebound as he started to date me only a month after she broke up with him.Don't be the rebound. Being subjected to that type of treatment is horrible for your self-esteem.The guy needs time to get his act together and heal and you shouldn't be the one he uses to heal with.Find yourself a healthy rational guy that doesn't pine for ex-girlfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 October 2013):
 usually if you have feelings then your feelings are correct.
I'm just guessing on these.
he talks about her a lot
he calls you her name
he "stalks" her on social media
he still texts or calls her
IF you even SUSPECT he is not over his ex, then you are just a transition and/or rebound relationship and it does not have much hope of succcess
...............................
|
