A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Need help decoding mixed signals.There is a guy I'm interested in, and I know he's interested in my too (at least to an extent). He bought tickets to fly out to visit me. I know him from a long time ago-but we were only acquaintances.Sometimes, he says very romantic/sweet things and he sounds very into me. Other times, he makes it sound like he's optimistic that I will meet an awesome man someday. We are both divorced and have kids. It sucks because both of us have kind of agreed that neither of us is willing to move because of our children and their respective other parent lives in our current location. So-it feels like a future is impossible.It makes me sad because I feel like I really like him, maybe even have some feelings of love toward him...I'm super confused though and I'm pretty sure I have these feelings because I am just getting out a very bad marriage and this guy is genuinely nice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2013):
 we can help you decode mixed signals but what's the point.
if neither of you is willing or able to move then the whole relationship as anything other than long distance friends is pointless.
The WHOLE point behind LDRs is that you aren't going to be LDR forever. I did an LDR.. we were close enough to see each other every weekend. NO small children to deal with on either end. After a few months and realizing we were going to be serious, we figured two years and we would be together... that didn't last.... we could not bear to be apart and after a year he moved to be with me.
Unless your kids are 16/17 and at 18 you would move... you are wasting your time hoping this turns into something serious.
LDRs that drag on as LDRs for over two years are time wasters.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hi there. Well there is the first obstacle to a relationship with this man - one of you would have to move for you to be together.
And the children and the other parent living close by.
And depending on the ages of all the children, this situation may not change for up to 10 years or more, till they all start work and become independent.
Even less years if they are all in high school.
And you don't want to be waiting that long, to move on with your life.
Ten years is a long time.
And so is 5 years, to put your life on hold.
He probably is interested in you, but then reality sets in for him and he sees how impossible it is for either of you to move, because of the children.
And so for this reason, you might have to be content just to be friends for now.
And then there is the fact that what if in say 5 years from now, all the children were left school and you started seeing each other, and you found as a couple - it just DIDN'T WORK?
And that the bubble of a fairytale romance was just never going to happen.
That would be HUGELY disappointing for both of you, wouldn't it?
And in the meantime all these other prospective life partners come and go, because you are focussed only on getting together with him.
And then you have missed the opportunity for happiness with other people.
It would be rather sad.
And the reality is, that it COULD happen exactly like that.
It is necessary that you think about the big picture here, to put everything into perspective.
And just supposing that you stay in contact all over the next 5-10 years or so, and then it comes to the point that one of you needs to move, for it to work.
Would you be prepared to move?
Or would you expect him to move?
This will need to be fully discussed in future, if you are to ever give it a chance with this man.
Otherwise, you are both wasting your time here, I am sorry to say.
And you need to know that he is as interested in you, as you are in him.
And this is an important point.
I feel that he is, otherwise he wouldn't occasionally say those sweet and romantic things to you.
Because, you wouldn't bother saying those things, if you didn't feel that way, would you?
Unfortunately, this whole situation is going to pan out over several years.
And so it is a question for you, as to how long would you be prepared to wait?
And it is a bit of a gamble, because either of you could meet someone in the meantime.
It is entirely possible.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
 As you both have decided that neither can move to be with the other, it's all kind of a nice fantasy at this point. Maybe it's what you need to have in your life to transition from a bad marriage to the next love in your life. Having him in your life allows you to feel attraction and loving feelings but due to your life circumstances, you can't actually make a future with him. So spending time with him online, via Skype and all that is like a practice run.
Life sometimes sends us what we need at the time to move on to our next phase.
I think if you sincerely could not ever move and he could not ever move, that you may want to start to focus on your real life situation and spend time in real life with people who love and care for you. Spending time virtually with him allows you to flex your romance muscles, so to speak, but you do have to remember that there's not a viable future with him.
Maybe you are asking this question because you realize it's time to start separating yourself from him?
Best wishes for a full recovery from a bad marriage and I hope your kids are doing well.
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