A
female
age
51-59,
*lue1971
writes:Hi,I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things a little while ago - I think its because I was expecting too much from him. I did not want things to end and I would really like to see him again, I just don't know if there would be any point as he is so young. He is 22 and I am 42. Would there be any point in trying to start things up again? I realise he might not want to but I like him a lot. I also know that I am risking falling in love with him if we do start things up againThanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (15 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThsnks again to everyone who has responded to my question, it has given me a lot to think about.
I will have to keep reminding myself that it is for the best.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 October 2013):
 Nope nobody likes getting dumped, it makes you feel not good enough but given enough time, we all get over it and most move on or decide a relationship isn't for them.
Its much harder if you're over a certain age as a lot of the good guys/gals are already in happy relationships and the pickings are slim, also a lot of people still single after a certain age are judged for having the dreadful 'baggage' if they are divorced or have kids or have suffered a string of poor relationships. I think thats why it can be tempting to hook up with younger people because they have less 'baggage' (seriously I hate the word)
Right now you are in the fatalist zone where everything feels like the end of the world because you miss the attention and can't move on. If he has broken things off then, you are right, you are less likely to hear from him again, but he could potentially come around again for sex.
It's OK accepting the crumbs, but it's not sustainable for a long time because it leaves you feeling used and still not good enough and that can be really damaging over months and years.
It IS painful to move on and you WILL miss him and the attention for a time, but just keep reminding yourself of the reality.
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A
female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (14 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh I don't think he would come back without contact from me, if he did it would be so hard to resist.
I guess part of this is a little hurt pride that he finished with me, that always makes you feel bad no matter who the person was.
No one likes to get dumped.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (14 October 2013):
Oh don't be fooled...he won't forget you, but neither will he ever be able to give you what you need. The trouble with NSA is it's all to convienient for them to come back, sometimes weeks or months after because they see you as 'easy' and 'available'...and that's OK if you can stand the heat.
Let it go, put it down to experience and try not to fret...the world is full of people to meet and in time you will meet someone else and forget about this boy.
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A
female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (14 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that I am probably not cut out for a NSA situation, it was the first time I had tried it, but the age difference meant that I was never going to consider a proper relationship with him. There was something about him that I could not resist though so I went ahead.
I hate to think that while I am here thinking about him and because he is so young he has probably already forgotten me.
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A
female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (13 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we did have a lot in common, despite the age difference. I was surprised at how well we got along. He seeemed older than his years.
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A
female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (12 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for taking the time to answer.
I do need to try and forget him - that's the hard part. i wish things could be different but it's a pretty hopeless situation.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 First of all, you go girl! 40 *is* the new 20! Who says age differences are only cool when the guy is older, right?
Second, if you're feeling like you could fall in love with him, best to leave things over and not try to continue with him. You'll get *really* hurt that way. That's true no matter what the age difference is or even if there is one. It boils down to intent. He was into a good time with no strings, and you were falling for him.
Best to walk away. But walk away with your head held high, because you still got it!
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I'm sorry to say that you're probably best off leaving him alone. He ended things, it does not sound like he has made any efforts to rekindle them, and you freely admit that you're likely to get too involved with him emotionally if the two of you do pick up where you left off.I've been on the other side of this (having dated a 41-year-old when I was 21) and he was a lovely person but we were at very different places in our lives. Too different to make a relationship work, no matter how many sparks flew. Please don't take this guy's decision as a personal insult or rejection as chances are he thinks you're a great woman. He's just not ready enough or mature enough to appreciate all that you have to offer at this point in his young life. Think of how much you've matured and changed since being 22 yourself - even if you were to have a committed relationship with him now, it very likely would not last through that maturing process. What you wanted at 22 and what you want now are probably two very different things - and that's not wrong, only an effect of the way our life experiences shape who we are.Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 October 2013):
Expecting too much from him??...like a relationship and commitment? or more time together doing normal stuff rather than just climbing into bed?
If yes, then he ended it because you were getting too close and it seems he wasn't wanting those things from you.
22 is young, guys are still pretty immature at that age and you are right, you do risk getting hurt if you fall any deeper for him.
Let it lie, get yourself away and break the cycle...it's time to move on to pastures new and perhaps find someone more suitable. I don't think the pain would be worth it.
xx
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A
female
reader, blue1971 +, writes (12 October 2013):
blue1971 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers.
I agree completely with you both.
It is hard though to forget him as I have developed feelings for him now and all I want to do is call him and ask if he wants to give things a proper go. I would probably make a fool of myself. I don't have any clue how he feels about me as we never discussed it. I wish we had now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I think SVC is right. While it might have been "fun" or lovely while it lasted, I don't think it's something that is going to work long term.YOU are so far ahead of him in life-& relationship experience that it makes the relationship rather uneven, and what happens when he wants kids?
You are old enough to be his mother, I think that kind of says a lot. Would you really want to date someone who could be your own child's friend?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I would say no.... he ended things for a reason.
Women more than men cannot separate emotions from sex and being physical with him will cause you to feel more and more for him when clearly he does not have those feelings for you.
He's very young for an age gap relationship to be more than fun and games for him. He nailed a cougar (gawd I hate that term).. it's a notch on his very young belt.
He may like you very much as a person and he might be willing to continue to have sex without caring for you the way you want, but for you I think that would end up being more painful than it already is.
Now if he was 42 and you 62 it might be different. At that point you may want the same things in life.
I can tell you that my husband is only 13 years younger than I am and that had we met when he was 22 to my 35 we never would have ended up as a couple. We were in very different places then.
I have no problem with age gap relationships but the issue here is not the age difference as much as you have been FWB with this guy and you want more and he does not.
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