A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:I'm 32 and there is this guy who use to live in my neighborhood who is younger then I am. He's 21 yrs old and developed an interest in me saying that age doesn't matter blah blah blah. I started to like him but always told him that because our age difference and our maturity level things could not workout but told him we can get to know each other and remain friends and see where it leads. A few weeks ago, we stopped talking because he got upset with me when I continued to call him a baby. He said he doesn't mind me calling him that and likes it but doesn't like it when I call him that in front of other people. I then apologized and we began talking again. I haven't called him a baby in front of other people. Well, here's the situation. He got kicked out where he was staying at. At the time he asked me to help him which I did. He was looking for hotels and a place to stay with his uncle. He uexpressed his feeling about wanting to live by himself and not with his uncle. I called several places, got prices, etc and contacted him with no response. After a while, I got tired and stopped helping him out and left him alone. Then he expressed how stressed out he's been because of the situation he's in. I invited him to come with me and my family to several places just to keep his mind off of the stress. Which he agreed to but then left me hanging and. twice in a row he said he'd call me but hasn't. As the days progressed, I noticed he began to become more and more distant from me and doesn't call, text, nothing. I'm like a stranger. When he does text, it's two words or nothing. He sent me a text with a picture we took together saying "remember" which I already have. then yesterday he said he's sorry but has been stressed out and needs a gf and I told him I'm trying to be a friend. I'm trying to understand what's with the drastic change and why he's closing me out? I think I should leave him alone once and for all and forget about being his friend but I am not sure. He says his stay with his Uncle is temporary and that we are friends but he shows other wise. It's confusing because I care. Any thoughts? ideas? advice? I try to talk to him but I get almost nothing. any help is.much appreciated. thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 October 2013):
 he's young and he's not interested in anything other than himself at this point which is more a function of age than anything.
He is clearly not as into you as you are into him.
I wold forget about him and let it go. you have gone above and beyond the call of duty to help him.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 October 2013):
 He's barely out of his teenage years, what do you expect? Young men, just out of being a 'boy', are like this - immature, blow hot and cold, lose interest quickly etc. This is just common behaviour from an immature young man.
He asked you for help, presumably hoping you would offer for him to move in with you. He was probably taken with the idea of having an older woman, this whole 'cougar' thing is quite fashionable and men see it as a good thing if they can attract an older woman - older women are supposed to be more sexually experienced so if a man lands an older woman, they can brag to their friends that their new woman is super experienced in bed, wants him etc rather than wanting a man her own age who will have more money, more maturity etc.
Generally older men are more attractive to women than younger men, because men tend to get better looking with age, become more mature, more responsible and are in a better position to 'provide' for their partner. So if a young man offers none of this yet still attracts an older woman, that is a big achievement to him and something that a lot of young men would like to do - its all a big game to them.
So you were a challenge, something fun and exciting, a bit risky and 'worth a go'. He tried to get you to have a relationship with him, culminating in you helping him out with his housing situation (i.e. he wanted you to invite him to stay with you), that never happened so he has lost interest.
Young men that age dont want female friends, they want women for sex - he has male friends to hang out with, he doesnt need an older woman to be his 'friend'. You wont have much in common anyway, and he wont be that stupid to ignore that - hence why he's not bothered about maintaining a friendship.
You are acting like his mother, trying to get him to spend time with your family, finding him a house, calling him a 'baby' in front of others (embarrassed him half to death by doing this I'd imagine). You are not his surrogate mother, he doesnt need another mum - he either wants sex from you, a relationship or nothing else. You are the challenge and he wants to get you into bed, so he can brag to his friends that he pulled an older woman. He might even want to carry on sleeping with you and calling you his girlfriend to be even 'cooler' in front of his friends. But it would never last because ultimately he is immature, he is only a baby and is in no place to be settling down.
Forget about it and move on - he doesnt need a friend, he doesnt need another mother - he wants sex/a relationship, you are not giving it to him therefore he's moved on. Time for you to do the same.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 October 2013):
 I see your situation and I think you need to think about the definition between a friend and a girlfriend.
You seem to be paying a little too much attention to this situation for a so called friend, so could it be that you really have feelings for this kid and are hoping that he stays close to you and gives you the attention you have enjoyed up to now?
Think about it...what other friends do you have that you do so much for and fret so much over when they don't keep in touch?
You got 11 years on this kid and when you was getting his attention you were happy to rebuff him and call him a baby...now he's back tracking and not responding to you, it's making you crazy?
You might think he's messing with you and closing you out but it's probably because you have confused him with your on/off, friend/girlfriend smokescreen.
So he's in a bind with his accommodation, he is old enough to sort things out for himself, so you need to let him alone to get on with it. Your feelings for him (which come through in your words) are making you string him along and it seems he's gotten ticked off with it and has withdrawn...can you blame him?
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