A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it ok to be a little envious of my sister and sis in laws f/ship.?My younger sister and my bro and sister in law are close in age and have lots in common kids etc.They live in diff states but communicate via FB a lot, and phone, I imagine.. That's fine, they have kids under 14 and similar interests.Im single quieter, older. I cant help but feeling a little envious of the bond they share and I dont... its stupid I know! they can do what they like.. but im a little jealous.. I cant help it.None of them make much effort to contact me on FB, or phone...even though I try to keep up with what they are doing on FB and show interest.They always like each others posts etc etc, rarely mine, yes its only FB but it still hurts!My sister is getting married in december and on FB she writes how much she is looking forward to seeing my sis in law and how she is counting the days.. and she is so enthusiastic about seeing her. She never says that about me.. I feel like she won't care much if im there or not, with my amazing sis in law there, though she said she wants me there of course, when we spoke on the phone 6 wks ago.. my ss and I get along ok(no bad blood or hate,) but see each other only 1-2 times yr, as we live in dff states.I know its stupid but is it ok to feel jealous of this bond/f/ship... ? I know I will be left out at the wedding.. I will try of course and smile and be friendly.. and make small talk. But ill be the odd on there..and no I cant take a friend with me! not that ive many to take anyway. Its small simle wedding, no bridesmaids etc, sis best friend is in charge if microphone. thnksplse dont be nasty, am a little hurt here.
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best friend, jealous, sister in law, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Thank you for giving more info, you do seem really down on yourself over this and I can feel the resentment in your words.
Sometimes we don't get the families that we want and it can be really hard seeing other people so happy and together. Like I said before, my family are really far away and I am the only one who visits. I have to overcome feelings of resentment too, when they never come to me, but in the spirit of keeping family ties I accept them as best I can, both good and bad...but I can't change what they do and never will be able to!
Do you have close friends?...or someone else you feel closer to? Sometimes when we cant make bonds with family we can do so with a good friend or colleague.
Before you go to the wedding, why not get a make over or a stunning new hair cut, or get yourself into shape or buy a special new outfit, something that makes you feel and look good...you may even steal a little thunder and that can be fun!!
Don't stay in the 'nobody likes me' rut...cos it's lonely in there...think outside the box and get yourself noticed. It will fill you with confidence and grab you a little of that attention you seek.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): this is the poster
thnks for answers, but if my sister was in trouble, (as she was at 18 when she got pregnant.shes i her 30s now.) shed go to my sis in law or her "amazing" friends first, id be the last to know, of course id like to be the firt but truth is i woudnt be..
i feel not as importsnt as them, but i will go to her wedding and be polite/talk/wish her well etc..
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (11 October 2013):
 Yes it normal to be a jealous of their bond-ship.
Sometimes life is weird because we try being nice to people but sometimes they just click better with others instead.
Dont allow them to make you feel sad anymore.
How they interact together says nothing about you but it DOES SAY a lot about them.
You are made to feel left out and that's not a nice feeling. I would suggest you take a break off reading their facebook comments just to avoid getting more hurt.
The best thing to do is mentally turn this around in your mind and wish them happiness in their bondship.
Attend the wedding, talk to people you do get along with.
Do not allow this issue to get you down because life is too short and you are special and unique just the way you are.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2013):
 of course it's ok to feel jealous of this. It's even ok to say that you feel sad you don't have that bond with her.
feelings are never right or wrong.. they just are.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 October 2013):
Of course it's OK to feel a little hurt...it's very hurtful, in fact, when you are kinda on the outter edge of happy family events where everyone else is bonding and having a great time!
Some people are social and a few of us are not so social. There is nothing wrong with being single, older or a little shy or quiet!...I am all these things and I am GREAT!!( I do have grown up kids though, who live quite a ways from me)
You just have to look at things in a slightly different way and I am sure, if you think hard enough, there are things only you alone can be to your sister. Like if something bad happened or she needed you, she'd come running!
My family is spread all over the country and are all hooked up, happy and cosy and I am the only one who goes to visit or keeps in touch by phone (mainly because I have more down time and also because I need those connections. It isn't perfect and sometimes I do feel ignored but that's because I am not in the thick of things and prefer time to myself...but there will always be pangs of envy to deal with and I credit that to the fact I am human and sensitive and then I brush it off!
Don't beat yourself up, you'd be surprised by how your family really felt about you and I am sure they would be devestated if anything ever happened to you.
You are indelibly connected to them, you're just a little isolated and quiet. You just have a different lifestyle...and that's YOU, so embrace it, be chipper with family and friends and come in from the limb once in a while!
xx
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