A
female
age
,
*hicabrat
writes:I am love with my best friend. I lived with him for a year and helped him through some tough health issues including cancer. We were friends with benefits and had a great time, playing, laughing, teasing. Then a girl came back from his past and was going to move in with him.. I moved out and he did not want me to be too far away. Said he wants me in his life. Now she is treating him bad again, so he broke it off, before she moves in. He started teasing and playing with me again and I hurt for him that she is that way. I don't know if I should leave for awhile. Friends tell me I'm too available to him and he needs to see how he feels if I were out of his life. I miss him and I'm afraid that he is turned off by my attachment to him. I don't know what to do. Can I get advice please
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best friend, friend with benefits, moved out, teasing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 December 2013):
 Thanks for the update OP.. .continue to be strong and demand what you deserve. Do not allow yourself to be used by anyone.
A
female
reader, chicabrat +, writes (6 December 2013):
chicabrat is verified as being by the original poster of the question An update: we stopped having sex, we have done everything together including staying with him and enjoying playing with his girls. We decorated the Tree and he would not keep his hands off me. tickling, swatting my bottom and grabbing or brushing by me touching me. He also looks deeply at me. But I told him I want more than a friendship and think its time I go and let him move on. I moved out and moved an hour and a half away. He texted me in the middle of the night 2 days ago and said nite chica (his pet name for me), he had been drinking. We chatted for about 45 min. Then I said goodnight and that he sleeps well. This is very hard on my heart but if there is anything in our future together it has to start with respect for myself. I'm worth it. I love him and he may never get it. I do miss all of his intimate attention.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2013):
 You write: " (I'm)...Afraid if I am unavailable, that I will betray him like he feels other women have done."
SO WHAT???? His toying with you and your feelings and emotions ENTITLES HIM to some "betrayal" by you.... IN FACT, that ("betrayal") should be your ONLY reaction to the manner in which he treats you....
The cliche is: "What goes around, comes around..." This guy has - apparently - earned betrayals from you and others before you... I suggest you DROP "betray" from your vocabulary, regarding this cad, and substitute "what he deserves" whenever you thought it (betray) is/was appropriate.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2013): I agree with So Very Confused. You distance yourself to protect your feelings by emotionally detaching yourself as a survival mechanism, not as a tactic to get him to come to you because there's no guarantee it will have that effect on him whereas for protecting yourself it will work eventually if you stick with it long enough (initially it may make you feel worse and that's when many people cave in and go back to the situation).
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A
female
reader, chicabrat +, writes (2 October 2013):
chicabrat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe rest of the story. First thank u so much for advice. I need it. After being gone for 4 days my friend called me up and asked me to come home. I did when I got there he told me he missed me and loved me Does not want me out of his life and wants me to be his girlfriend but he was scared. 2 days later was w hen the other girl came back, he changed his mind.But wanted to me to stay living with him. I finally moved out. He is talking to her but says he does not trust her but does not know what to do. He said I am the only one that believed in him. He asks me to watch movies and spend all day 2 tracking and playing. Afraid if I am unavailable, that I will betray him like he feels other women have done.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 October 2013):
chica/OP: The moment you act like a "FWB" with a guy, you change the dynamics, such that HE has all he wants.... YOU have little, or nothing of what you want.... and HE is in total control.....
IF you really want a "boyfriend" you have to ACT like a "girlfriend"... and that means you have to give up the "FWB" personna.... and let him understand that you are NOT going to put out for him until/unless the circumstances are that YOU are the "girlfriend" and HE is the "boyfriend".... AND you (two) have a REAL "relationship." It's really quite simple....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 You wish has it nailed...the whole FWB thing is just kinda stupid anyway. Sex is about more than just friendship. I have several friends that I'd never dream of having sex with...they're too wierd and they're guys. I don't do guys.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 October 2013):
 If you're in love, you shouldn't be FWB. He is using your feelings for him to get what he wants, and you're going to be hurt a lot worse than you are now. He sounds like a real jerk.
FWB's are for people with NO feelings for each other to use each other to have sexual relief. When one falls in love or develops a desire for more, they're gonna get hurt.
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A
female
reader, chicabrat +, writes (1 October 2013):
chicabrat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your great feedback, I will explain more later today. The prompt answers were appreciated very much
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 October 2013):
you are his backup girl.
if she was behaving and keeping him happy he would be with her.
you don't distance yourself to get him to come to you, you distance yourself to protect your heart.
he may not mean to be using you but that's pretty much what this is...
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 Best to stop being available and let him realise that you are worth chasing after. If he does not come after you , you know its time to move on.
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