| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok, my girlfriend is away at college for the past 3yrs and everything has been great. She goes out to drink once in a great while with her friends and I don't mind because I know her friends and they are good people. I myself hate drinking, hate drunk people I just hate the whole scene but Im not someone to say you can't do it because I don't like it. Well this year she has worked as a aid on a sports team at her school and has gained a handful of male friends, naturally I am jealous, I'm hours away and I don't want her to get feelings for one. They won a huge game and they invited her out, she got wasted and she told me she danced with a few of her girlfriends and might of danced with one of the guys and walked home with him because she was scared to go alone, another person picked him up at her house a little while later. nothing happened and I believe her but I can't stop the feeling of her having feelings for him.I confessed that I'm scared of it happening and she said it was all fine and she still wants to be with me. I'm trying to feel worry free about it but 2 days ago he invited her and a couple of his other friends to his house Sunday to watch a tv show. And she just told me this weekend they are all going out to the bar again.I'm terrified of 1. Her realizing feelings for this guy. And 2. Become a hardcore Party goer which is something I hate. I am afraid to say anything because I don't want her to get mad at me and go out with this guy and do something to get back at me. What do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 I will assume that your gf is a few years younger than you...
sadly when folks go away to college they find themselves, they grow they change.
your fears may be your own insecurity and nothing more or they may be founded in the reality that you have felt her slipping away over time....which may or may not happen in your early 20s whether or not one or both partners are in college.
1. Just because she likes this guy does not mean she is going to cheat on you or leave you for him. I am married. I like lots of guys. I can even manage a crush or two on someone other than my hubby... but in the end every night I go home to hubby. Just because someone else catches my fancy does not mean I break my vows.
2. if she wants to become a party girl, there is not much you can do but leave or accept it.
holding your tongue is not the answer. Telling her how you feel is fine. BUT I would not tell her what to do or not do nor would I issue any ultimatums or choices at this point.
Just let her know your feelings (and make sure you use I phrases "I FEEL THIS" NONE of them should be "YOU are doing this..." put all the blame on YOURSELF and your own insecurity. Because that's probably what this is.
A
male
reader, Zemllacyeht +, writes (4 November 2014):
As a man you need to set certain expectations for your woman, and if she can't meet them then it is what it is. Don't settle, move on. But first present her with your expectations
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A
female
reader, Fari  +, writes (31 October 2014):
I think you should tell her how you feel. Have a chat about your concerns, fears etc. I am not going to say, she might change from going out to parties, guys house etc but if she does then she really loves you. Just try it and see how it goes. Best of luck
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