A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't wish anything really bad to happen to my ex-husband, but some Kharma would be nice...My ex and I divorced about two years ago. He was not a good husband-treated me very badly and basically walked out on our son and I when he decided he wanted to be free and single again.Even while we were together, he would receive a lot of praise for his work ability and since we have been apart, his salary has skyrocketed. It was already over 6 figures when we split up, but he just got another 20K raise-almost half of my ENTIRE salary-as a raise!He's still a jerk to me, barely sees our child. From what I can tell, he is living the high life-gallivanting around with his girlfriend, taking all kinds of trips, etc, while I will never see that kind of salary and am doing all the heavy lifting raising our son by myself. What makes it worse is that he complains about the money he does have to send for child support and is always saying I should be paying more for things for our child and he has "no money". Again, just because I would never wish anything really bad befall anyone, I don't wish something horrible to happen to him...but a little Kharma would be great. The bitterness I have about the situation is consuming me. I don't know how to handle it.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2014):
 I have to say being bitter does NOTHING for you, your child or your future. It just makes you bitter.
FIND things that makes YOU happy. ENJOY the fact that YOU have the child and YOU will be your child's BIGGEST and (hopefully) most POSITIVE influence in his life.
Money doesn't make anyone happier. It might make life easier ( I give you that) but finding things that makes you happy doesn't have to cost the farmhouse.
SVC gave EXCELLENT advice about redoing child support. Since he IS making a LOT more now, he OUGHT to provide more for his son. It's only fair.
Also don't get into arguments over money with him. It IS pointless. He doesn't want to pay more, well tough cookies - fi the CSO/lawyers/judge orders him to pay more... then he will pay more.
It IS hard work to raise a child, but the payoffs are WORTH it. TEACH your son to be a better man (not by talking smack about dear old dad) but by showing him that HAPPINESS isn't JUST about money and material matters.
You can't "order" Karma to come "get him" it will happen or it won't. However, by LIVING a great and happy life you get WAY more revenge, then sitting being bitter or all the "things" he has and can do.
And stop comparing YOUR life to his. It's oranges and apples. You "got" the real prize, your son.
Who do you think your son will thank when he graduates college? scores a NFL touch down? Get's married and teary at his wedding? HIS MOM WHO WAS ALWAYS there for him.
Chin up, honey. And find a way to let the bitterness and anger go. IT isn't making your ex-husband's life worse, it's making YOURS miserable. And YOU are doing that to yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2014): I think you posted before Get a good lawyer and mare sure he pays what you and your child are due according to his income. That can be his karma but there may be more down the road.
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A
female
reader, SimpleSoul  +, writes (4 November 2014):
follow directions already given, nothing else will be forthcoming
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 November 2014):
 If he had that big of a raise you can TAKE HIM BACK TO COURT and get a new court order for CS.
CS is based on a percentage of his and yours vs a bunch of other things
Call an attorney and find out what the state guidelines are for your area. Find out how much he should be paying.
IF it's MORE than what he currently pays go to him and ask him to pay it without going to court. ITS FOR HIS CHILD.
IF he balks see him in court. My gf once asked her ex to pay for HALF the kid's braces and he refused saying that he paid for the dental insurance. She got a lawyer. She called the ex and told him (this is what I want, this is what the court will order (and she made good money already) and he said "see you in court" He should have paid half the braces.. his CS was DOUBLED over and above what she asked for.
here is a child support indicator by state:
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport
for example in my state I said
1 child
4 overnights per month with nc parent
nc parent making 100000
c parent making 45000
nc parent paying 500per month for health insurance
c parent paying 1200 a month day care
Nc parent should be paying over 1500 per month in CS
go to your state punch in the numbers truly and see how far you are from state guidelines...
let him know this.. and if he balks at it FIND an attorney.
IT's HIS CHILD.
BTW, you need to use the money for the child totally but that means SHELTER and FOOD as well as saving for him for college and other events.
if he can't be an adult about supporting a child he created then let the courts handle it.
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