A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a boyfriend who's a pretty good guy. The only thing is, he doesn't want to pull out during sex. Or wear a condom. Says he hates them. We're both pretty stable so that's not a problem. My only question is, why does he do this? We both have a child from a previous relationship, he has an awful relationship with his daughters mom. So he tells me he's scared as heck to have another kid right now. But yet we have discussed what ultimately will happen with what we're doing, and yet he isn't bothered. I'm a week late. I told him and he said "it is what it is, I can handle it if you're pregnant". If he doesn't want a baby, why is he not pulling out and why is he taking this so lightly? At first I told him we should probably use condoms, to which he rejected the idea. Then he just didn't want to pull out. Was it a set up? Him telling me he really doesn't care to have a kid anytime soon? He's absolutely attached to me. You would think someone who doesn't want a baby would take precaution not to get someone pregnant or get pregnant. But I went with what made him feel good, and don't regret it per say, just confused lol.what do you all think?
View related questions:
condom, want a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow. For one thing he doesn't see his daughter not by his own choice. He's in the process of going to court for that. And second of all, I specifically have said I DO NOT mind having another baby. With him. We are amazing together and make a wonderful team. My GUT instinct tells he wants a baby, he's just extremely shy with his emotions. He isn't going to run off on me, HE has my back when no one else does and even when they do.
where do you guys feel you got enough information to bash him like you have? Sure he may be irresponsible, but we both discussed it and said IF it happens then we're ready.
I just wanted opinions on what was maybe going through his mind is all.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 November 2014):
 If he did not want to use a condom why are you not on birth control. Sounds like you are equally responsible for the current situation.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jay R  +, writes (7 November 2014):
You women like to ask too much questions. If a man doesn't use condoms on his girlfriend or wife is because he would like her to be the mother of his kids simple. love makes the man not use condoms on his girlfriend or wife. So all you man haters stop calling this guy a loser, he is not a loser he knows what he is doing and he does love his woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2014): Seems like you want another baby with a baby daddy that doesn't even see his own daughter. Stop being such a doormat and close your legs until he wears a condom, unless you want another mouth to feed. Respect yourself and your body, say that you need him to wear a condom or you won't be intimate. That's it. No ends or bits about it. Just close your legs - it's your vagina, you can control what happens in it.
I am a female of your same age.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2014):
 And I go back to this. If you don't want want to get pregnant, take steps to deal with it. "You would think someone who doesn't want a baby would take precaution not to get someone pregnant or get pregnant." Yes, so, if you don't want a baby, then YOU take precautions. Puzzling out why he does what he does is a waste of time. The real puzzle is why you are wondering about his motivation when you should be saving up for diapers.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 November 2014):
Men don't trap a woman because a woman who doesn't want to get pregnant can manage her own birthday control. If you don't use condoms or any form of birth control, AND you let a guy come inside of you, pregnancy is the normal result.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2014):
Some losers get their "masculinity" "validated" by getting women pregnant. Whether or not they stick around to be fathers is another story.
Is this a surprise to you? Perhaps a nice chat with your gynecologist would be helpful. As you seem confused by his motives. Which isn't a very good sign. Sorry, I go back to why aren't YOU taking control of your own future? You are handing over your future to, well, a loser type. Your child deserves better, even if you don't realize it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't get to see his daughter hardly at all. Since him and I got together from the start, he wants me around 24/7. Wants us to live together. Says he wants to be "the one".
honestly I feel like him not wanting a kid right now is a what's the word for it, a trick. I think he's saying that so if it happens he can't say it was intentional. He seems not bothered at all that I'm late. But yet he'd be "scared". Is it possible for a man to want to trap a woman or try to? I've heard of vice versa, but never this.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 November 2014):
 he is guilty of stupidity. It can very muchte better topull out. Thefeelings are much better. He is stubborn and playing a risky game. Like Russian Roulette. OR, he wants to you pregnant for some wierd reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 November 2014):
 what do I think?
I think he's selfish and immature and I think you are willing to do anything he wants to keep him.
I also think you will both be parents together in about 10 months or so if you don't make some changes.
Tisha is right... he does it because you permit it.
so either YOU want a child or you are afraid to stand up to him.
do you want to be a single mom to two children with absentee fathers... because that's going to be what happens... he's not mature enough to put his needs/desires/wants aside and wear a condom.
btw do you know what they call folks that use the withdrawal (pull out) method of birth control?
PARENTS.
EVEN IF HE DID MANAGE TO PULL OUT BEFORE EJACULATION you can EASILY get pregnant.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 November 2014):
 I'm more inclined to ask why YOU are taking this so lightly? YOU are the one who would end up with a BABY in YOUR body. YOU are the one who would end up having to RAISE that baby when he decides he doesn't WANT to be a Daddy.
If he doesn't want to use a condom, NO frigging sex.
WHY are you leaving THIS up to him? He OBVIOUSLY doesn't give a fly's fart. My guess is IF you did get pregnant he would "just" expect you to have an abortion, like THAT has no affect on you. HE isn't the one who would GO thought the pregnancy, birth or an abortion.
Come on girl! it's YOUR body. IF you are with a guy who doesn't WANT children it IS as MUCH your responsibility to PREVENT it as it is his.
And anon male is correct, pull out method IS not a reliable method for avoiding pregnancies.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): Either start another for of birth control (pills not safe and cause many health issues sometimes years later) or insist on condoms. If he refuses find a new boyfriend who is responsible .
...............................
A
female
reader, Princess_008  +, writes (6 November 2014):
Many men don't like the idea of using condom during sex. It supposedly reduce the amount of pleasure you get. Maybe your man is same and maybe he likes to cum inside you...i think you should talk to him regarding that to know his actual motive.
If you think he genuinely does not want to get a child now, then you can use other protection methods like pills etc
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): the pull method is not 100% sure. you could still get pregnant with this method. You should go on the pill.I have a nagging feeling that he doesn't care for you much and will dump you if you get pregnant.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 November 2014):
 I dont understand why you dont care about yourself. Do you want another baby?? Just because a guy says no and doesnt want to wear a condom doesn't mean you have to accept it and go along with it. You say "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way (John) but if you won't wear a condom then we won't be having sex." Buy the condoms and have the ready at all times if he won't buy them. If he refuses, no sex..its really that simple. The majority of men don't want to wear a condom they want to feel the pleasure but responsible men will wear them and not take such a lazy attitude about the consequences. If condoms are such a big deal then why not go on birth control? Why leave everything up to chance???
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (6 November 2014):
The bigger question in my mind is, why are you not insisting he wears condoms or no sex?
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 November 2014):
Because he thinks with his dick. Because you don't think about your future.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): Why not go on the pill or try another contraceptive? Why wait to get pregnant, unless perhaps you want to?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2014):
Oh, and to answer again why he does this? Because he's found someone who will tolerate this. That would be you.
I guess you are ready to be pregnant and have another child and have a plan for that? Because he's not all that bothered from what you wrote. Perhaps a good time to get some legal help in this to ensure he'll provide financially for a child.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2014):
Why doesn't he wear a condom? Because you seem okay with it. And neither of you are worried to have a child, from the way you wrote the question.
If you want him to wear a condom, ask him to do so. If you don't care, what's the point of your question?
"You would think someone who doesn't want a baby would take precaution not to get someone pregnant or get pregnant." Yeah, you would think that. So why are you so inert and inept and lackadaisical about your own future and health? Why aren't YOU taking charge of your future? Don't know? How sad for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): Why aren't you on the pill if you don't want o get pregnant. Its your responsibility too not just his. Be in control of your body. Can you really handle having a second child?
...............................
A
male
reader, Zemllacyeht +, writes (6 November 2014):
He seems pretty confused. You need to use contraceptives, either you or him. Something has to change before it's too late
...............................
|
