A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My gf has serious personal finance problems. Even though she makes more than enough to pay her expenses and save, she consistently spends her entire paycheck and sometimes overspends it. She's open to discussion and is often willing to cutback on things we talk about (e.g. dining out) but then just replaces those expenses with others (e.g. clothing, gifts, etc.). I've spoken to her about starting an emergency account, and while she agrees that it's a good idea she has exactly $0 set aside. In the short term, I'm worried that if she loses her job I'll end up having to make a decision between breaking up with her or helping her out with her expenses. In the long term, I'm worried about whether or not I can have a functional relationship with someone who is so unstable financially. Any advice welcomed. Can I help her become more financially responsible? Or should I end our relationship before my money is at risk both in the short/long term?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 November 2014):
 NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT BAIL HER OUT.
I speak from the experience of the person who has no financial skills. My parents kept helping me and I kept just going right back to a mess
I make good money. I have issues with spending i admit it. It's a hard hard skill to manage to learn if you never have to.
My husband is in charge of the budget at my request. While on a day to day basis I have free reign (I do not have to clear how much I spend on lunches and such) I do NOT make any large purchases without checking with him first.
Part of budgeting is writing the budget to have a line for savings before anything else. I see no problem with sitting down and helping her write the budget... OFFER to help if she says yes, that's great. IF she declines then be aware that unless you two agree on how to run a household and she is willing to defer to you in budgeting matters then it's not going to go well.
Many relationships break up over money issues...better to do it before marriage or moving in.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 Just stop babying her. These are lessons she needs to learn on her own. If she loses her job, or doesnt have enough money, do not help her out. You are only enabling her to continue being irresponsible. Stop babying her, stop "helping" her.
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A
female
reader, babalou  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 Tell her those long term and short term worries you have expressed. If she's given an ultimatum like this, knowing that she could be at risk of losing you, she will either work hard to be better or keeping being irresponsible. That will be your answer. Make sure to express that you do not want her to be financially dependent on you.This isn't the same situation but similar, but I lived with my sister who was bad with finances and I often talked to her about it a,on get other people, but she never changed so I had to move out on my own. I found myself paying for everything in our apartment from food to some bills and giving her spending money. And this is my older sister. She used her money on things like gifts and fun things, hanging out with friends, etc. Even now, she is still the same way.
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