A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why are so many men prepared to put their own orgasm and desire to see porn above respecting women and their partners emotions Every day I'm reading post after post from women feeling hurt by their partners porn use . Far from being insecure these women have a legitimate reason for these feelings and informed therapists and recognising the effect of porn use not only on users but in partners Not to mention the research that shows porn use cause a man to be less committed to the relationship and also to find his partner less attractive Sure some women use porn but let's face it ( as another post mentioned most male porn stars are not attractive and although men many feel they need to compete in terms of penis size , they are not seeing an endless stream of gorgeous never aging men categorised by every body part imaginable If the tables were flipped , men may see it differently For those couples who are BOTH happy to use porn , good for them but my question is Why do so many men when their partner tells them how his porn use hurts them refuse to hear her hurt or consider the realities of the situation Additionally , if men say the need porn for visual stimulation( and argument I've heard many times ) Then shouldn't married women be allowed to date other men for compliments and emotional stimulation as that is one of our needs Come on men , let's be honest here ! If you really thought your porn was ok you would leave it on the computer when mom visits, talk about it openly ... Why keep hurting and losing the women whoLove you
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male
reader, arrgy  +, writes (5 January 2015):
Porn can be as distracting and destructive to a relationship as watching anything else. I am going to sound piggish here, but there is an easy solution. Most of these women who complain are emotionally weak, fragile, have no confidence and shouldn't even be in a relationship. The one thing that WOMEN do not understand is that when men watch porn, they are watch strong confident women who are secure in themselves. That is a huge attractor to a man. The guy maybe living out a fantasy that he does not want to tell the woman about, so you have to turn the table on him. If you are a woman in a secure relationship with a man and "discover" porn, take a deep breath and actually watch it. If he has a stash of porn, try an identify what he enjoys. See if there is a pattern, it could be positions, it could be setting, it could be clothes, etc. Then, when he least expects it, instead of being the insecure I am going to get MY feelings hurt woman, take charge. Tie him down to the bed, shackle him, whatever it is, and just take command. If his porn thing is school girls (as an example) and you get some naughty school girl outfit, go at it, and while your doing what ever it is your doing, know that you are full filling HIS fantasy and HIS needs. If you are unwilling to do that, or think its stupid or gross, etc. then you shouldn't even been in the relationship with him in the first place. Is it going to get him to stop watching porn? Maybe but probably not, however, what you did do was send a strong signal to him that you appreciate him, and love him and would do anything for him. If he asks where this came from, telling him "something you saw" and leave it at that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): Thanks male anon. I actually agree with everything you said in your last post . The couple needs to work out what is best for then both and if it's simply incompatible with what a woman wants in a relationship, she is within her rights to leave
I am so glad that you pointed out that the woman's feelings are more important than porn because in truth I think this is what hurts me and maybe some other women that most
If I were with a man who showed me that and also showed me that I was sexier to him than any random anonymous woman in porn , I'm pretty certain I would have no issue with it
The problem always seems to be the way that the men I have been with have idolised the porn stars and acted as if I and every other 'regular' woman was nothing special
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): No I am not saying men must have either prostitutes or porn. I am saying that porn helps diffuse the sexual tension that can fuel worse things for society than porn.Men's desire to see naked people should not be more important than their partner's feelings. On the other hand sex drive is a VERY strong natural urge in a lot of men. Strong enough to make presidents do stupid things that ruin their time in office. Sexual urges of all kinds were destroying marriages long before there was porn as we know it. Some men are better at refraining from things like porn than others. Couples who disagree on porn need to be honest with each other and reach a COMPROMISE that they can live with. Maybe porn is allowed when the partner isn't interested in having sex. Maybe porn is only allowed to be out-of-sight or only in sight. Whatever. Just come up with something that works for your relationship or else you need to break up over it (which is entirely within your rights). If you choose to find a compromise, remember what a compromise is. It means neither side ends up getting everything they want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): I cried and moaned for three weeks until he stopped. I wasn't even banning masturbation altogether just masturbation to porn.
I'd love to see how an amazingly beautiful woman's life is who looks like a pornstar, do you think they would treat them differently?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): Op here , tamale anon gives his pov on y porn is so great but still failed to answer why men think their desire to see naked women is more importbat than their partners feelings
Additionally , is there any reason men cannot give up porn AND not have affairs and prostitutes????? Is this writer implying that men are incapable of being faithful without porn and are no better than animals?
If that is true , I think that's a truly horrible thing to say about men and I'm sure that many men would disagree that they are incapable of abstaining from porn and abstaining from being unfaithful or using prostitites!!!!!
Wow so shocked that he is saying that men are so low
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2014): Men looking at porn means women should be allowed to date other men? Ha!
Somebody could start a website devoted solely to all the crazy assertions that people (women) make when bashing porn. I have heard more than a few women argue with a straight face that looking at porn should be considered as bad as having an affair with physical sex. Some of this stuff is really ridiculous.
Let's ban all porn. Then men can go back to hiring more prostitutes and pushing more single women for casual sex. Not to mention just pestering their wives and GFs more. Would that be better? (But women still get their porn, right? Naughty books, movies, magazines, celebrity & local gossip, etc. Those are women's porn. Not dating other people.)
With porn banned then some women would go back to just feeling insecure about their man looking at other women in real life. Would that be better? I know a couple guys who are forever enduring outrage from their wife/GF any time a pretty woman is within sight. They don't "ogle" they just make the mistake of being within 100 yards of another woman and not putting their hands over their eyes. No pornography ban could ever make those women cope with their issues.
Porn has plenty of downsides especially when people get out of control with it. But after 15 years of widespread online porn, I think people are forgetting what the world was like before the net. Many of these gender differences and relationship problems are as old as the human race. Porn can work as a lightning rod for a lot of these problems but porn does not create them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): Ps having read some of your other posts I'm surprised you havnt explored and studied the gender issues around porn as part of you psychology training . I know it was required of me in mine
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): OP here ...Yes of course not all women are hurt by porn and that's why I specifically asked about the partners of women who are ... Of which there seems to be many.
I've never heard if a woman beingade to feel
Less than because of her husbands porn. I've never known geocaching to exploit anyone and catagories women by body part . I've never seen geocaching having titles like teen and painal, which are pretty sick of men need to watch women in pain to get off
I'm sorry but I don't see porn as a hobby at all. It's a want !
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2014):
 NOT all women are hurt by porn use.
And not all men hide it. For the longest time my husband had Sunny Leone or Angelina Valentine as his wallpaper on his computer. My adult children saw it. Our maids saw it.
It was no big deal to either of us.
LOOKING at porn (pictures and movies of strangers) is VERY different from DATING live people and I can't see how the two compare.
There are men that don't watch porn. They need to be with the women that don't like men who watch porn and women who don't like porn need to find men that don't like it.
It's like if you met a guy who's hobby was geocaching.
YOU don't like geocaching and you don't want to do it but her likes it and wants to do it. Would you want him to stop doing that just to please you?
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