A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband Ray for 5 years and we have been going to a dance class, we get to switch partners which I have no problem with, but Ray seems to go out of his way to touch this Stacy when there are times that don't have nothing to do with dancing, such as, when we high five each other to move on to the next person. This time Stacy didn't high five Ray, but to get some form of recognition from her, he pushed Stacy around her upper chest area. I told Ray that I caught him do that, and that she was not even looking his direction and what's the deal? He had nothing to say,later he tried to say that I'm jealous, but I said, I do not let other men touch me. This is not the first time I caught him touch Stacy before he touched her side hip, again while the dance instructor was explaining a step and none of us were even dancing or in a dance pose. I also called it to his attention and he responded with anger and stormed out to get out of my questioning. I simply asked, is it was ok if other men touch me, when ever they want to? I'm not jealous but I know it's not ok to touch opposite sex while married, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your feedback, I must say I took every response into consideration. I recall when I first asked myself a couple months ago " me a jealous woman?" but I let my husband do everything he wants to without me, a happy hour here and there with the boys, goes to football games out of the city about once a year, take pictures with the cheerleaders (I'm jealous?) Ray is jealous but a normal level of jealousy. I just feel disrespected that he did that because, when I would get a touch (I'm not talking about a hand shake or a hug when you say hello or goodbye) from any man single or married it would always come out later on that they had a thing for me. Ray has not answered my question, if he would like it if someone else did touched me while we are not dancing, like he did with Stacy, at this point we are not really talking. I have danced with handsome men in class, but I remain professional, I guess I hoped he was the same. I guess I will start going to class alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): He is obviously appears attracted to this woman, he can't or doesn't want to control his behavior and he thinks you will somehow be blind to this and hopes that you will be guilted into saying nothing more by his angry reaction.
It is clear from his actions, as much as some other replies here want to deny it. Dance is foreplay, does that mean you're sexually attracted to everyone you dance with? No, but in many cases, and in this case with your hubby, that is clearly what is going on. If it weren't he probably wouldn't be so angry about your reaction to his behavior with this woman. That is a typical male response to being called out on their nonsense. I doubt he would be ok with it if another man was hanging all over you and patting you on the chest etc.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): I've been in the dance world for many years and I've seen so many of my fellow dance friends cheat on their partners. Married couples, partners, couples you name it. You know why? It's because partner dancing is like foreplay. Touching, moving the hips, close contact. It's flirty, it's close and it's quite intimate. One person always ends up falling for another, it's just the way it works. If you're doing all of these things with a dance partner, you have to expect them to be flirty, touchy and sometimes even cheat.My advice, if you don't like what your husband is doing to this woman, stop dancing. Either that or just deal with it because it probably won't change.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2014):
 You are in a dance class, there will be touching.
Sounds to me like Stacy is attractive and attentive and your husband notices this and you feel threatened. This is a purely emotional (and natural) response.
I hug my male friends. I touch them. NONE of it means anything is wrong with my marriage or that I'm cheating or love my husband less.
when you asked him if it was ok to have men touch you the way he touches Stacy what did he say?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): That would bother me too. It does sound though like he is just having a lot fun, maybe getting excited in the class, maybe even edgy and nervous from being excited. It's a physical group activity that takes a lot of skill, one that requires the dancers to coordinate with one another, which creates a level of intimacy (not in the way youre thinking) but for obvious reasons such as that dancing requires alot of closeness and touching which in turn breaks the ice for perfect strangers. Whom in turn might feel more comfortable with physically touching each other, in general, whether its a pat on the back, grab of the arm. His endorphins are going and he is just having fun.
Look at Dancing with the Stars and how touchy and emotional those people get. They hug, they cry, they generally show a lot of affection toward each other, more in support than because they are in love.
I mean I get this is not a nationally televised dance contest but in a smaller scale it may produce somewhat similar reactions.
I think you're husband is just excited and having fun. Not because of Stacy but because it is a fun, exciting environment. You said your piece. You told him how you feel. Now just drop it. Don't bring it up again.
Go enjoy your dance class and know that your husband loves you. Don't worry how he acts in class, it really doesn't sound that bad. If after class he gets Stacy's digits and takes her out to dinner, then worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): Dear Anonymous, I am not going to discuss the jealousy issue because that's a topic for another question. However, married to a guy for five years; I would hope that you can tell him something makes you uncomfortable and he listens and correct it. Which should be vic versa. I suggest filming your husband at dance class and allow him to see what you see. Hopefully, the explicit natures of his gesture will catch his attention and he will correct his manner. But until then enjoy your dance class and loosen up. Dancing is fun.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (10 December 2014):
Um, yes, you obviously ARE jealous. Which is ok to feel, but please do admit it.
I doubt it is anything serious, I certainly touch and hug my own male friends and mean nothing by it.
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