A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy at work who's very loud and doesn't really care about offending people. He's always flirting with me and making vulgar comments so he's not exactly my favourite person. I told him I had a sister and he asked to see what she looked like. I showed him a Facebook picture and he said "she looks like a model in that picture she can't be your sister". I said "oh thanks" then another coworker said that I'm just as pretty. He said he didn't mean it like that. If he didn't then why would he say it in the first place? I went to the toilets and cried.I'm currently on antidepressants anyway so my self confidence is very low as it is. I get compliments regularly on my looks but now I feel like those people must just be lying.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): OP here.
I am on a waiting list to see a therapist about my anxiety.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 December 2014):
 Some folks do not have a filter between their brain and their mouth. I'm like that. I will say things before I think about what they sound like out of my brain. Sometimes it's stupid like what he did.
Things get said that are better left unsaid.
Letting other people (especially unimportant people like co-workers) help define your feelings about yourself is never a good plan.
In addition to your medications are you working with a counselor/therapist to change your internal monologue?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): He said something so obviously mean that I wouldn't take him seriously. I think he is still acting like a little boy who offends girls that he likes. Also he sounds not very smart to me. Even if he thinks so, who says things like that? It might be usefull to develop a habit of not taking seriously what other people say. If you are going to react to everything people say , your life will be filled with non stop frustration. I am 32. On one day, I was asked by a nurse at the doctors office if I experience some symptoms of menopause, which we all know doesn't happen until we are well into our 40s. Someone asked me if I am my husband's daughter ( my husband is only 6 years older ), and when I was out for lunch with my coworker who is 65, someone asked him if I was his wife.,he is by 5 years older than my father. As you can see, non of this even makes sense. If I reacted to any of this nonsense, I would be twice depressed and once very flattered, and it's all in one day only. I am average weight. I am 140lb, 5.4. I was never considered fat or even close to it. I am in a good shape, excersize and eat right. It's just my composition, I was never rail thin.,I went to see my girlfriend in Greece, and the comments I heard about my weight just made me laugh. I was advices ed on numerous occasions on how to better loose weight, and all kinds of crazy diets. But when we went out with the same advisors, greek guys were all over me. So, that made them thinking that may be I am not as fat as they see me, lol. People say stupid things all the time. Most of the time they just don't think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): Hi OP here. Thank you for your replies. You're right, he is an idiot. Before I went home he made another dig at me and said "say hi to your sister for me".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2014):
 What YOU need to do is, say to yourself:
" WHO THE F CARES what that asshat thinks?"
HE knew that you would be hurt/offended by his statement - I think he is the kind of guy who LIKES to make others feel bad, so HE can feel good.
He knows you don't like him and his vulgar personality and SAW an opportunity to "get" back at you for that.
The guy (and his opinion) is IRRELEVANT!
Honey, YOU can not fix stupid. THAT's a fact.
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A
female
reader, Delirium +, writes (10 December 2014):
 The guy just sounds like an thoughtless jerk. He probably thought he was being funny (which he wasn't, he probably though he was complimenting your sister but didn't realize he was essentially saying that you weren't as pretty as her. Guys do this on occasion "Your mom looks more like your sister than a mom", "your girlfriend looks to pretty to be dating a guy like you", etc). And after you pointed out how his comment came across he responded with "I didn't mean it like that" which is his equivalent of an apology, it's a lame replacement but as good as you are probably every going to get out of him. Is it possible that you (or a group of you and other coworkers who are also annoyed with his antics) can talk to a supervisor about his behavior? He may not be outright harassing or threatening anyone but it sounds like he is creating a rift in the work place and I'm sure a supervisor would not be happy with someone interfering with everyone's ability to do their work. Maybe a talking to will calm him down a bit. Other than that, I would say keep your chin up. It sounds like you are having a rough time right now and being depressed can make bad things seem ten times worse. Those other coworkers complimenting you probably do mean what they say since in a work environment it is easier to just avoid a topic than to lie about it.
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