A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello , why would a guy take as long as up to 3 month to decide if he wants to go out with someone ? Any ideas a friend has been single for nearly a year and wants a relationship he's met someone he likes but won't commit as such because he says he's "thinking about it " I think its unfair on this woman I've met her as she's a friend of a friend and she is really nice and she doesn't know where she stands, she likes him so has been waiting that extra bit for him to decide. should she give him so long or "ditch" him she turned another guy down for my friend because he said he sees them having a relationship soon , he hasn't been seeing anyone while arranging to see this woman , he doesn't open up much so won't tell me why he's taking so long I feel like telling this woman go date someone else because so my friend can lose someone so good or maybe at least tell him she's off dating as she's fed up of waiting , I've told him he needs to stop hanging about and decide what he wants because if this is what he's going to start doing then no-one will wait around and they'll go find romance somewhere else Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 December 2014):
 he does it because she lets him.
if i was her, they are not committed I would not put all my eggs in one basket and I would go out with other guys.
I wouldn't throw it in his face but if he asks her out and she's busy she can say "i'm sorry I'd love to but I already have a date that night"
my first husband proposed when I told him I wanted something more than we had and he said "NO" and I said. "OK I'm going to date other guys now since you can't make the commitment I want." two dates with two different guys (still seeing him casually as well) was all he needed to light the fire under him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): Because he knows he can take his time and she'll wait around. So he doesn't feel the urgency to do more.
My boyfriend did the same thing. It was when he knew he was about to lose me that he stepped it up and committed.
That's what is going on. She should move on. If he really likes her he'll change his ways and try to win her back.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (14 December 2014):
What you’ve said to your friend is true, the clock is ticking and who knows when she’ll just decide enough’s enough and give up on him. Perhaps your friend is thinking too far ahead. He’s thinking that if he says yes, he’s signing up to a long-term relationship and he doesn’t know what the future will hold. He is therefore holding back out of fear. Perhaps he needs to be encouraged to think in smaller time scales. Asking her out means agreeing to some dates, to see how it goes, get to know each other and figuring out whether you are compatible or not. That sounds a lot less scary than signing up on the dotted line for life. If he can see that it’s not quite such a big step making the first move, maybe he’ll be more encouraged to do it. So he needs that reassuring message, alongside the warning that she’s not going to wait around forever and indeed we don’t know how long she will wait. He does need to act fast if he’s interested, but he needs to see he’s not rushing anything quite as dramatic as he perhaps thinks he is.
I wish you all the very best.
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