A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question on what to do in this situation.,We go out once a month with my girlfriends. we usually split the check equally.,We noticed long ago that one of the girls when we re out orders in exess. By that I mean: she orders always the biggest and the most expensive dish on a menu. 70% of it she never finishes and take home with her, as she says for tomorrow lunch. She orders expensive drinks like martinies, then desert, while non of us are having deserts. One of us knows her closer than the rest of us. She says in regular life she is not a spender. She always talks how expensive everything is, and how hard it is for her to save. She makes fare salary like the rest of us. We came to conclusion that she acts like this in restaurant only because she knows we are splitting the check anyway. I personally don't really want to pay for her martinies and lobster plates, and then for tomorrow lunch. But since we did it for awhile now, we don't know how to bring up the subject. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 December 2014):
Separate checks, or just plainly say you are not paying that much extra and the other person has to put up their own share. You all are adults and even with my group of friends, we make sure everything is at least fair.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2014):
 OP = re: server's extra efforts to separate checks...
Add a little extra on your gratuity to compensate if you feel that way. You'll still save a lot more not carrying your friend who is taking advantage of you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2014):
 Either Separate checks or what Deidre said.
Also all cell phones now have calculators. USE them.
She is being unfair but it's gone on so long it's become SOP for her and she just has to be reigned back in.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (10 December 2014):
I like deidre's idea. Since more people are aware of it, I'd inform them on what you're going to do, so people can prepare having the right amount of cash in their pockets.
What you can also do is ask for the option of separate checks when you're booking a table. Sometimes, the reason you can't get separate checks afterwards is because your server didn't keep it in mind and they have an inflexible system.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): This is OP. thank you all so much for answering.
We never did separate checks before. And it worked just fine. Our final bill was always very reasonable so we didnt have even to think how much each of uspaid. She started going out with us about a year ago, but not every single time.
I don't even order the whole dinner plate, appetizer is enough. It was always for us more socializing than the actual dinner.
Last check I looked : her dish alone was 34$.
After I read all the answers, I sat and calculated approximately how much her share was, and how much the rest of the table. Her share was almost HALF of the totall bill, and it was 4 of us. If it was just 3 of us, we each would pay only30$, with her at the table we each paid 43$. Which doesn't seem like much,but to think about it, we collectively paid for her 40$.
I am going to talk to the rest of the girls about it. We all know she does it knowingly. If it happened once or twice, it would be ok, but EVERY single time we are out with her, it happens. Once my friend even asked her why she is ordering such big plates if she hardly even touches them, and she said she orders them with an idea to have the rest for lunch the next day.,
Separate checks are possible, but I know myself as I waitressed before, it's an extra work for a server.i don't think we have another option though . Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): I would screw with her a little the next time you all go out. All of you should purposely outdo her in your orders. If she starts with calamari, then you all start with the foie gras. She gets the 1lb lobster you all go for the 2 lb lobster. If she has 2 martinis, you all get 3. Then get dessert, after dinner drinks and espressos all around. Throw in a few to go salads for lunch tomorrow. Then when the bill comes one of you pretends you left your wallet at home. So her and the rest of the girls have to split the bill and then you secretly, without her, split it again amongst the rest of you. But have the other girls convince her that its not necessary for you to pay any of them back. You're a dear friend, you deserve it.
Then the next time you go out after that feign that its one of your birthdays and its customary that the birthday girl never picks up her own tab. So she'll get stuck with a disproportionate bill yet again. Order it up!
Then the next next time you all go out, say you're going to the bathroom, and secretly tell the waiter without her seeing you that your table would like separate checks. And then when he drops off separate checks, remark what a novel idea that is. And from then on keep up the custom and casually order seperate checks from therein forward.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 December 2014):
 I dont know what its like where you are from- but separate cheques arent always an option here, shes pushing the limits and needs to be called on it. If you say - this will cover my meal, she'll cover her meal to save face, but then what of the next time, and the next? Or are you going to be the moral arbiter for the whole table every time?
Its a very diplomatic issue, but you shouldn't be afraid to try deidres idea, it might make her realise that shes under the social spotlight and others agreeing with the separate cheque idea could be enough for her to check herself... pun intended:)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 December 2014):
 Separate cheques...failing that I like deirdre's idea.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (9 December 2014):
It is time to try a simple strategy. When the bill comes, put what your meal has come to and announce "this should cover mine." this puts the onus on her and indeed anyone else, to challenge you otherwise. And.. If they do, all they have to do is check the bill. It will get the message across to her, without confrontation that what she is doing is selfish and unfair. Dont feel bad about any of this, she knows what she is doing. Also, if you are worried about putting the burden on the others, you could have a quiet word with them beforehand so they know what you are doing and they can also opt to do the same. :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 December 2014):
 You (and the others) say:
"Girlfriend, when we all got drinks, meals, and desserts which were about equal in price, it seemed easier and more graceful, to split the bill... and make things easy on us and our wait-person. HOWEVER, if one of us (ANY "one of us") chooses to have (a) drink, meal or dessert which is out-of-proportion with (all) the others, then that person should expect to contribute (pay) more in proportion to what THEY ordered versus what we OTHERS ordered..... Which do you prefer; that we go through the arithmetic once the check is proffered? ... OR, would you prefer to get separate checks?"
That should smooth things in to equity....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 December 2014):
Definitely separate checks - I'm with the consensus. If she asks why, explain that splitting fair way doesn't work when one person's bill is much higher than the others. She shouldn't be doing that without offering to kick in a bit more in the first place!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 December 2014):
Always ask for separate checks. It should t be a big deal for any reasonable person.
"Hey guys, I'm going to ask them to seperate the checks, it just makes more sense to pay for what we order."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2014): Please ask for separate bills.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 December 2014):
 eyeswideopen said it....
Ask for separate checks.
It's that simple. And whomever knows her best should let her know ahead of time. It's NOT your job to pay for her lobster dinner and leftovers, if she order a $50 dinner and the rest of you spend $20-30, she should PAY for the $50, not expect the rest of you to pay.
She KNOWS that none of you have the stones to tell her this, THAT is why she takes FULL advantage. NO ONE is so obtuse that they don't know everyone else is basically paying for HER getting the expensive meal.
I would as soon as you sit down, suggest that you get separate checks, just say with Christmas around the corner I need to watch what I spend. If she complain, tough cookies.
Just tip the waitress a little extra for the separate checks.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 December 2014):
 Ask for separate checks.
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