A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man on an online dating site. We exchanged long emails for about a month before meeting, out of circumstance. When we met things got pretty intense quickly. He obviously liked me a lot (I liked him too) and he started sending a lot of text messages, etc. I told him I liked him but needed to take it slow. He has children and I didn't want to rush.Then - I discovered two things. Firstly, that my friend had met him through the same dating site (small place!) but it didn't go anywhere. But also that he is still going through a divorce when I was under the impression he was already divorced. I was very upset and he talked to me at length, explaining that he really really liked me and we could take things very slowly. He brought me flowers (twice!) and wine, and is supposed to be cooking me dinner later this week. Now, very suddenly, he has gone cold and is not responding to my messages. I know he is still on the dating site so wonder if he has met someone else even though he's told me he's only dating me. I am confused as he has seemed SO into me since the first time we met. Do you think he might be playing me, or maybe has met someone else?
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 December 2014):
I am not sure if it makes any difference if you knew his reasons for disappearing, but the guy is married and those kinds of relationships seldom go anywhere. Don't put your heart where it doesn't belong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): You thought he was divorced and your friend says he is going through a divorce. He told each of you a different story because he didn't reckon on two dates knowing each other. So maybe he is still married and climbing into bed each night with his wife and telling the kids and her how much he loves them.
Hes gone cold because you questioned him, and they don't like that because you could find out the TRUTH.
They want an easy life while still playing the field.
If I was to date again I wouldn't bother with dating sites nothing beats meeting in the flesh and not behind a computer screen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): Be careful. Some of these men aren't serious about a divorce but may lead you to believe it. They're looking for a little excitement in their lives. They resort to websites or maybe women who are willing around their workplace. Walk away. If you end up developing feelings, it can only hurt you. Chances are he'll be looking for more than one woman to stroke his ego. Quite frankly, I find these men disgusting.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2014):
 Eh, my guess is he found someone ELSE to play "fantasy date" with.
He talked to your friend first, that didn't pan out, then he talked to you and all was golden til you brought up the "little" fact that he "claimed" to BE divorced, but really wasn't.
And IF he is married, and has kids... Christmas s around the corner and his priority might be having a merry Christmas over having a new lady to date.
I'd chalk this on up to a "not a keeper". And in the future the minute a guy TELLS you, :"I'm divorced", and he is NOT - I'd give him the boot. THERE is no need to lie about that.
I'd move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): Well how long has it been since you've heard from him? If its just been a couple of days, it could be a number of innocent reasons. Maybe he dropped his phone in a urinal and it broke or maybe he had a hole in his jeans and his phone fell out and he lost it. In which case he'll get in touch as soon as he gets a new phone. Maybe there was an emergency or something that he's dealing with. Maybe his car broke down in a area with no cell service and he's been trying to flag down a tow truck. Maybe he stubbed his toe on something and is at the hospital for emergency surgery. Maybe he has been in bed with a migraine and can't move or talk. You really shouldn't jump to those types of conclusions and assume the worst in terms of your relationship with him, such as that you are being played and there is another woman, just cause you haven't heard from him. And if that's the only thing that comes to your mind to explain his sudden absence, then that might be a big indicator of the insight your gut is telling you about this guy. Clearly, you don't trust him. That's clear as day. So since its obvious you don't trust him, who cares what he is up to? Move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): Some good advice here.
I think the internet can be a dangerous way to meet future partners - first of all you only know what they want you to know & secondly there is no end of temptation out there online - so yes he could've met someone else.
I met someone online who just wanted a casual relationship - but he also seems to be having a casual relationship with 2 or 3 other women - one a friend if mine.
So beware!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2014):
 or maybe he went back to his WIFE. separated is not divorced and until someone is fully legally divorced, they are legally married.
He is either playing you or met someone else
either way you care more than he does.
I'd walk away now and if he contacts you tell him to get in touch when he's legally divorced...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2014): First of all, it's a common practice for people who are looking for a way out of their relationship to be affraid of being alone. Nowadays, dating sites give them an opportunity to deal with their fear.
I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I think that you were not real to him. He just needed someone to feel safe in this chaos he's living in right now.
Thats' my experience with my cousin. He registered on a dating site long before he decided to leave his wife. And he didn't leave hear until he didn't find someone else. (you're obviously not first in the line). He claimed that he's madly in love... This new woman even started moving into his apartment with her two kids when he kind of changed his mind. Of course, he designed this elaborate story how they love each other but cannot be together because of his... (fill in the blanks).
In fact he couldn't addmit to himself that he simply needed someone to get him through... He used her.
I'm sorry if this is what happened to you.
The very thing that he lied to you about his divorce is a red flag. Don't let anyone use you as a crutch.
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