A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I live about 40 min. apart. I come to him most often. There is a lot more to do in his town and restaurants. Plus his work schedule is more tiresome than mine ( swing shift) and I understand that. However, I feel like when I want to do something in my town or have him come here it is such a huge effort on his part to do so.(he comes here once a week at most). Example...I got off work the other day at 8pm. He was off work all day and ended up coming over but it was after 9pm. I think its inconsiderate for him to come that late. I will try to hint to him like I am starving, lets eat soon! Or I am tired ,are you coming around 8? ....thinking he will come earlier but he never does. It is not the first time this happened. He has no reason to come that late other than that is when he got around to coming.Another example.I wanted to see the Christmas Lights display in my town yesterday. He has the whole weekend off so I thought it would be a good time to ask him to join me. He was going to come even though he rather christmas shop in his own town and eat somewhere good "since there is nothing here" But when I stated clearly the time it started and ended and make it known it was important to me to be on time as I didn't want to miss the live nativity scene he bailed. He said you go ahead. I will just do my shopping. Like I really want to look a Christmas lights by myself ! I guess my frustration is I feel like it is all on his terms or he is out. I think that is rude and inconsiderate. Am I off here or what do you think? And how do I handle this ?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 December 2014):
 Stop rowing the relationship boat and see where it goes. Sounds like it will drift away...
What I mean by this is... do not initiate contact. wait for him to contact you... see how long it is.
do not ask to see him. wait for him to want to come see you. do not offer to go see him. do not make plans for the two of you.
LIVE your life and see if he makes an effort to fit in and keep the relationship moving along.
If you stop rowing and he was not rowing all along and he just continues to go along for the ride you will know it soon enough.
If he's not making an effort, he's not worth your effort.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): Your first answer hit the nail on the head. If he was that interested in YOU then he would be there regardless of what it was, because he would want to share his time with you.
At the moment he is showing no drive to actually see you and do the things you're interested in so what are you getting out of this relationship other than a head ache?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): He isn't that interested in you. You are convenient but he doesn't look forward to seeing you. You will put up with his inattentive behavior until you are angry enough to end it. In the meantime you are wasting time with someone who can't be bothered to show any initiative and interest in you or your life.
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