A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My GF and I been dating for 2 years. She's had a very "liberal" sexual past. Threesomes, group sex, other women, etc. We started off very hot and heavy. And after a few months, she moved in late last year.I've noticed over the past few months that our sex life has diminished. I'd like to know what can be done to get her to want me again. She turns me down for sex quite often, and makes me feel like a pervert for asking. I'm not seeing anyone else, I love her and I'm committed. I just don't understand why I'm not attractive to her anymore.Is there something I'm not doing as a man? I recently lost my job, but I'm still working and keeping the lights on. For you ladies out there, could that be one reason why she's not feeling me sexually?Also, I've notice her ex has been calling her and messenging her via facebook. She's not replying to him (as far as I know) but yet it seems weird she wouldn't just tell him she's moved in with me and in another relationship now. (Note-on both our fb pages, we have each listed as "in a relationship." So basically, the ex knows she in a new relationship, and is still reaching out.Can someone offer some clarity?? I really want to make her happy , but my gut sometimes tells me she's not the one if she doesn't want me to be sexually satisfied. Yet at the same time I don't want to be selfish. What do I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2013):
 My husband and I were having very wild sex. till we got serious and moved in together...
it seems once it's always there you take it for granted.
this is not about you not working.
have you asked her what's changed?
how old is she? could it be hormones?
is she pregnant?
has she changed medications?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): The question is, did you move her in because the sex is great, or do you really have feelings for her? She toned down the sexual part to adjust to a more domesticated life-style. Maybe she isn't the wild girl you used to know.If she is still into the wild scene, she may have come to realize that monogamy isn't quite as exciting as her past. She keeps her ex- as a spare, in the event things don't work out with you. They may just have friendly bond remaining, where she can tell him her secrets.Your relationship may have fizzled out with her to some degree. They normally do over-time. You get used to each other sexually, and it's not always going to be like it was when you first started hanging out. You're older people now. You seem to see her as a sex object. At your beck and call anytime you like. She isn't on the same page about that. She may have expected a different response from you as a boyfriend, and feels you may not respect her enough. Or she may have moved in only for the convenience of sharing living expenses, with a little sex on the side.You were quick to move her in, with all sorts of expectations no doubt.When things change in a relationship, you sit down and talk about it. You listen, and you react as an adult. Not a spoiled little boy who can't have his way. When people sense they'll get a poor response; they are less likely to be honest with you.Talk. Find out what's going on in her head. Truly shut up and listen. It may not be as bad as you think. You really haven't been together that long, and she is making some adjustments in her life. That includes how she relates to you within the dynamics of the relationship you have now.Forget her past, and look at her in the present. Clear all the fantasy images from your head, and see her as a person.Not just a play thing. It isn't just about how you perceive her to be, it's also about what she sees in you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Have you sat her down and talked about the change in sex drive after you two moved in together? I think some people think the sex frequency should continue at the same rate ad infinitum, where in others, there's a feeling that the honeymoon period doesn't last more than, well, the honeymoon period. You've been together for 2 years, that's a pretty long honeymoon period and now you live together and have all the ho-hum, mundane, day-to-day stuff that may displace the giddy, 'we have all night' days of the first year or so.
Maybe she is coming to terms with pressure of being sexually on-tap 24/7 because you are living together? Maybe she is tired? Maybe she's having buyer's remorse and is acting out.
Moving in together is a big step in a relationship. Perhaps you two did it too early?
Anyway, sit down with her and talk about it. A romantic weekend away to reconnect emotionally may help the sex life.
If you can't talk about, well, how can you go through life with someone if you can't communicate with them? Leaving out the sex part, being able to discuss problems and situations is a HUGE part of a successful relationship.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 April 2013):
 The first thing you need to do is sit her down and have a frank talk with her about what's going on.
Let her know you find it disturbing that her ex is calling and sending messages - if you and she are (supposedly) in a committed relationship, then he shouldn't be doing that, and she CERTAINLY should not encourage him!
It may be that the time has come to end it with her - you're not being selfish - but as I said, talk with her and see what she has to say........
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I think the only thing you did to cause this is to live with her. Did she care how much money people made when she had those threesomes? I don't think so. If she is shutting down like that, not even kissing and hugging it could mean she is not the kind of person who can stick through thick and thin. She also needs the extra attention from time to time and maybe one person is just not enough.
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