A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Oh man this is a rough one. I hope someone can steer me in a better way of thinking! My current girlfriend, whom I have been seeing roughly 6 weeks messed up majorly. Now don't get me wrong, I really do love her. It was an instant feeling, and it scares me. She is a former drug user, which she up and quit a major amount of drugs to be with me. She even left her drug dealer boyfriend. The coming off of drugs nearly killed her, so says her doctor. She is now 6 weeks sober and going strong. Her family is in love with me, because she has never in her life stopped for anyone or anything. I am currently 21, and she is 27. She ran off with her ex the other night, for three nights. We couldn't find her, due to him being mean and holding her from us. I don't know whether to pursue this, or drop it like it is hot. She has begged for forgiveness, her mom has begged me to stay, and she changed her number so he doesn't have it. Trust me, he has mine and he is angry. My way of thinking is that she never had to get in the car in the first place... I don't know what to do. A little advice would be great. I think I am dealing with Karma.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Dating a drug addict is ADDICTING. They're used to getting what they want, sweet talking, and taking you on the ride of your life. It happens so fast that it's scary, you're swept off your feet and think you might actually be in love. But it's really just infatuation. She talks a big game and quits drugs because of your positive influence- talk about a self-esteem boost for you! But the problem is that she based her sober lifestyle only for you. She needs to decide she wants to change for HERSELF and start a clean life with professional help to guide her on this life. You CANNOT be that professional help. I was your same exact age going through the same exact thing. You need to RUN. Drug addicts associate with people who will only bring you down or bring you through trouble. You're so young- don't let a bright future dim because of a bad relationship choice. Wish her well, keep her in your thoughts, but move on and find someone who just genuinely cares about you and enjoys your company- NOT someone who will charm you and make you part of their recovery.
As for her running off with her ex, that's basically a relapse in my eyes. And they couldn't get in touch with you because he was "mean"? I hope you make the best choice for you and realize this is no good for you. I wish you the best!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Do you understand that when in recovery the first year rule is NO RELATIONSHPS.
Let’s see she left another man for you
She gave up drugs for you…
It’s 6 weeks she disappears for three days with her ex boyfriend/drug pusher…
This is not karma… you made a bad choice of girlfriends and it’s biting you in the tush.
Do not stay because her family begs you
I fear this is a bad situation for you but if you leave so many folks will blame you and it’s not your fault.
Tell her to continue her path to sobriety and if after a year clean (we know she has to start over after a 3 day bender with him) then she can contact you and if you are still free… reconsider it.
I live with an alcoholic… it’s not a fun ride in any way… if you can get out, DO IT.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): I think you should ask for some time away from her without a final break, then you can think about what you want. It does bother me that she is older than you, and that in a way her family are asking too much of you.
If you want her in your life, you don't have to cut all ties, but addiction is like a wave of destruction over anyone in it's path. If she stays away from her ex that could maybe be a good place to start, but protect yourself a little, good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2013): "former" drug addicts do not disappear for 3 days and blame it on other people.
Drop her now.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Leave. Leave right now. End the relationship because, I'm telling you, that's just the beginning.
When I was 18 I dated a 28 year old man who was also a "former" drug addict. Just like you, I thought that I loved the guy incredibly early on (I wouldn't be surprised if it was for the exact same traits that you found exciting in this girl). He was able to stay sober for several months before he met me and for the few months that we were together. And then he relapsed hardcore.
I could write for days about everything I went through, but all you need to know is that you DO NOT want to be burdened by this kind of relationship.
As for loving her, no you don't. The fact of the matter is that you can't love someone you don't know, and you don't know this girl. And it's not because of the short amount of time you two have been together, but because of her affliction. If she really did quit just to be with you, then that really, really means that the person you spent the last six weeks with is not the same person the this girl will be in several months - and that's even if she DOESN'T relapse.
Take a step back. If it's meant to be, you'll probably still have a chance with her in the future when things she's settled. If not, you'd have spared yourself the emotional toll that I suffered.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 April 2013):
 Did she tell you how those three nights were spent? I assume this ex-boyfriend of hers is a drug user? If so, then you are right, she never had to get in the car but consider, she stopped taking drugs for you and it almost killed her. Six months is a long time, not enough to confidently resist the urge to use again should the opportunity arise. Her ex-boyfriend would be this opportunity would you agree? I do not know enough about this relationship to give you sufficient advice on how to proceed but I can confidently say this: Drugs are involved in this relationship and that makes it complicated so if you are willing to help her through it and be her anchor, I say to you, strive forward with her, but if you find yourself unwilling, if it pains you too much to fight against this with her, then I suggest you leave her. Honestly, nobody would blame you. Drugs tend to complicate things and hinder people in mind and body.
I suppose you must ask yourself, how much do you love this girl truly?
I hope that helps.
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