A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:There have been lots of signs but he denies it and swears he never has nor wouldnt. He stays in touch with exes and ex hook ups which I find weird. And it makes me feel like he is doing it to keep his options open. I found out a year ago that an ex hook up had gotten in touch with him and he made plans to get brunch with her. All this happened without him telling me about it. I found the texts on his phone. They didn't end up going to brunch but she sent him a text saying goodnight followed by a kiss icon. He stayed in touch with her and never mentioned me to her. When I confronted him he said he'd done nothing wrong, she's an old "friend" and, about the kiss icon, he said he cant control what other people do. I've noticed flirty texts with other girls too, who actually know about me, and seem to always be curious about our relationship status. About 9 months ago I found a womans pair of gloves on the side of his passenger seat. He said they were his sisters. Last fall I was looking for something in his trunk and found another woman's skirt tucked in his trunk. I know it wasn't mine. He denies having any knowledge of how it got there. He says he doesn't know. And if I press he gets irritated making it seem like I am in the wrong for asking. I don't understand though how a skirt would end up in his car. If he'd hooked up with a girl, what did she walk home without her skirt?We got in a fight once and didn't talk for a few days and during that time his friend was trying to set him up with another girl. I'm heartbroken. We've been together for two years. Something's up and if he were just honest it would be so much easier. Id like to believe him but it just doesnt add up. Does anyone have experience with this, maybe can offer me a reality check/some advice?
View related questions:
flirt, heartbroken, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2013):
 The key issue for me is that he keeps it secret from you. Once in a while I have lunch with my ex-husband. There are several conditions to this lunch
a. It’s in public
b. My husband knows IN ADVANCE that I’m meeting him
c. His wife knows IN ADVANCE that he’s meeting me
With my ex-husband there were always “Flirty” texts with other women who knew about me. I blew a fit and rightfully so and yet he would not stop. He needed and wanted the ego stroke. It was one of the things that ended the marriage.
Were the gloves his sisters or were you too afraid to ask?
The skirt? Not knowing how it got there? Seriously?
IF you push he gets mad? NOT a good sign.
You have no control over his friends trying to set him up other than it indicates a total lack of respect for your relationship. That alone is not good. One thing my husband demanded of his friends after we got serious was that they no longer disrespect me or our relationship or else he would cut them off. They toe the line and treat me like a queen now.
Reality check is even if nothing is going on you do not trust him and without trust there is no relationship.
A
male
reader, nick20 +, writes (2 April 2013):
I feel your pain and anguish. I were in a somehow similar situation about 5 years ago: I didn't know where my girlfriend stood and I had a few suspicions she was drawn towards one of her colleagues.However, in your case, the proofs seem overwhelming:- texts - doesn't mean much. Plus, Murphy's law dictates that the least expected texts show up around the least expected times- a skirt (come on... Is it a prank from one of his friends? Is it his sister's? Either way, it should easy to explain.)- an unwillingness to talk - the most serious issue maybeHe could also be or have been on the threshold of making a move. Either way, you should try to either get to the bottom of it (ie, get him to talk: try again) or distance yourself, give him space, and see what happens. Option 2 can be _SO_ hard, especially since you seem in love with him. But if option 1 doesn't pan out - which should only increase your suspicions -, you won't have much choice.This type of decision is always painful to make. I hope you can be strong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): You've found a lot of evidence, as you say: and your suspicions run high.How much do you need to be convinced he is cheating on you? You're going crazy with suspicion and yet you haven't left him. You confront him and he gets angry with you. Yet you have found unexplained articles of women's clothing in his car.Separate and get your head together. Move in temporarily with a friend, take a vacation alone, just tear yourself away from all of it.Once you have some distance between you, you will reach some sort of decision about the future of your relationship and how you will approach it. If he isn't cheating, you have "unexplainable" evidence that is going to trouble you for a long time. You have to at least tell him how much it bothers you, and that it bothers you even more when he is dismissive about it.Why be heart-broken? Grow a pair and leave; if it will make you feel healthier.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I had experience with a cheating spouse (now my ex husband), and I got all of those signs that you got, plus a little more, but it was my gut instinct that kept screaming out the fact that he was cheating on me...this was the biggest sign. Of course he denied, denied, denied everything. It was one of his best friends who confirmed what I had suspected all along.
Your bf is not going to admit he's cheating on you. You will have to catch him in the act. You may have to do a little snooping or Private Investigation to find out the truth. Don't do anything illegal though. I hope you find your answer soon enough.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): ". . .he denies it and swears he never has nor wouldnt."" . . .he said he'd done nothing wrong, she's an old "friend" and, about the kiss icon, he said he cant control what other people do.""He said they were his sisters." "He denies having any knowledge of how it got there. He says he doesn't know." When will women ever learn: Don't believe what a guy SAYS, believe what he DOES. "he were just honest it would be so much easier."He isn't being honest because he doesn't want you to know he's a cheater. If he were honest, then he wouldn't be a cheater so he would have no need to be a liar. I'm sorry, but you need to take your head out of the sand, accept the cold harsh reality that boyfriend is a lying cheating scumbag, and trust your own good judgement and common sense. Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves. The only reason he's been shamelessly taking advantage of you for months is because he you've been allowing him to get away with it, all he has to do is come up with a lame self-serving BS cover story and that's enough for you to let it slide. Stop letting him walk over you and treating you with such brazen contempt, and start standing up for yourself by throwing this loser out on his ear.
...............................
|
