A
female
age
26-29,
*regnantandconfused
writes:Quick background on my relationship: we have been together 2 yrs 3 months, have a one year old child, I'm due on the 14th to have our second one, my boyfriend has admitted he is depressed. We haven't truly talked to each other since December, he doesn't want my help and thinks there's no point to anything. Anyways a few days ago I posted asking if it was common for ppl who are depressed to be rude and angry to the point where I was frightened. After he came back that day he apologized for acting that way which I was happy about but then today all of a sudden he started telling me all these things I never knew.He told me the main reason he is depressed is because of me. I asked him what he meant and he said "(my name) I don't find you sexually attractive, everything you do is a turn off to me. Youve gained weight and you just arent even pretty anymore. You aren't the type if girl I want. You're a Tom boy. And you do nothing to solve my depression"I was shocked to hear this. Honestly i was insulted. ive gained 20 pounds but i already have plans to work off that weight after i give birth. and i dont understand how someone can all of a sudden not be pretty. i havemt changed a thing in the way i do my hair or make up and barely even changed the way i dress. i only changed the shirts up for more maturnity sized shirts but same style as i used to dress. and as far as the tom boy thing yeah im a tom boy. im a girl who loves video games and knows a ton about technology, isnt a salad girl and isnt afraid to take apart and reassemble random things but ive always dressed more girlish. i like to look nice. He thinks it's wrong for girls to want to do things around the house or with technology by them selves which is plain old stupid in my opinion because I don't want to feel like I have to rely on him for everything. The weirder thing is that he said at the beginning of the relationship that all of these things were things he liked because all his previous girl friends were afraid to do anything. How can that change all of a sudden??I asked him what he wanted me to do.i asked him if he wanted me to change myself because I shouldn't have to do that. He said changing myself would be wrong and forced. Which is exactly how I feel.We ended up arguing over text messages for two hours afterwards and he said he wasn't happy once again and how his life is delressing and how i dont do anything and since I'm pregnant and super stressed and ocer emotional I ended up saying then leave and he said fine. I didn't mean to say then leave but honestly I'm tired of this and I was super upset. I don't want us to be over I truly love him but these last almost five months have been so stressful on me and I've gotten almost depressed myself. Our daughter loves him to death and is hate to take her away to a different home but I'm starting to wonder if it's the right thing to do. Moving away wouldn't be possible for myself right now which is another reason why I don't want to move. I'm too pregnant ad I could have this baby any day. Plus my job doesn't provide a big enough income for me to live on my own with two babies. So basically my questions are does this mean our relationship is over? Should I move out and go on my own and leave him to figure out himself?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 April 2013):
 “he told me the main reason he is depressed is because of me”
WHAT A COP OUT. He is trying to blame his bad behavior ON YOU? Seriously? And you are even willing to consider this as an option. And then the reason is due to weight gain when you are spitting out a baby every year?
I don’t even need to read more I’d kick him to the curb for that abuse to begin with.
You do not need a THIRD baby to take care of and that’s what a man like this is A BABY.
DO NOT let him blame HIS BAD BEHAVIOR ON YOU.
You don’t want the relationship to be over and you love him you say.
REALLY… what part of what’s going on now do you love? The fact that he says your fat? Or unattractive or not sexually appealing? Or that his depression is your fault? What part of this do you love?
Get an attorney. Get court ordered child support. Call your parents and tell them you are being emotionally abused (you are) and you do not wish your daughter and new baby to learn that this is acceptable behavior in a relationship (because children will learn that what they see day to day is acceptable behavior)
GET out now… she won’t even remember daddy abusing mommy. Emotional abuse is the worst. We think it’s our fault and it’s not.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): "So basically my questions are does this mean our relationship is over?"
Yes it does OP, 100%. This is not all of a sudden just because you only found out OP, he has felt this way for a long time, maybe even years. You have a 1 year old, so that means you were together about 4-5 months when you got pregnant? Sounds like that's probably the only reason you lasted so long.
You know you have a third option here which may work as a short term solution. You can officially call an end to the relationship but stay living together for a while, while you have the baby and sort out the practical side.
OP I know you love him, but what he said is the end, you see that don't you? Losing weight is not going to fix this, he just doesn't want to be with you anymore and it's making him miserable that he feels he has to be.
I have known couples to work really badly as a couple, or one just isn't happy in the relationship and breaking up actually made them happy again and really good friends. I understand you may fear heartbreak OP but can you honestly say you're heart hasn't been slowly breaking these past few months?
Call time on this, stay living together but in separate rooms if possible.
Set him free emotionally but stay together physically if you can for now. If its too hard, then yes move out.
Hopefully ending it may actually make everything a lot better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): When a man tells his pregnant girlfriend she is the reason he is depressed and she doesn't turn him on anymore. You can throw in the support of another child he has to work to feed, and you got all the reason in the world to believe the relationship is over. That means you will have to file for legal child-support to be sure the children receive financial support from their father. You don't have to leave, I think that's what's eating him. He wants to run. He most likely will.You shouldn't allow him to speak to you that way and especially not when you are pregnant. You need a support system and you need one now. You should contact your parents, and anyone really close to you. This is when it really sucks when people are alienated from their families. Do you have a good close relative or girlfriend? Anyone other than this guy? If you've centered your whole world around this guy, it's sink or swim. Reach out to family or close friends for help.I suggest you contact home and have someone keep an eye on things for a while. You shouldn't be alone. You definitely shouldn't feel frightened.
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