A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband has a past history of lying to me about his ex's and just yesterday I found an email contact of his had sent him a naked photo of herself years ago but he never deleted her or the photo.We have been together 3 years and married 10 months. Yes, we were young ( 21 and 23 ) but my family are strong believers in marrying young.Anyway, last years, four months after we married I found old bank statements showing he paid for his ex girlfriends phone bill, gym , and this added up over 2 years as nearly a thousand pound! It ended in jan 2010, we got together April 2010. Its not that he spent that much on her but the fact that I asked him.about it and he swear he didnt. On the eve of our wedding, he actually said if I don't trust him over it not to turn up on the day! Then I found out it was true and ever since I can't trust him. She had told me years ago when we first got together, when I asked him to delete her from facebook. Then she sent me an abusive message and told me that till a few months before my husband was paying for her lifestyle. She also informed me that they never had sex, even when he had told me in detail that they had.I can access his emails as our electric bill is sent online to him, so I was checking how much we were paying this month when this women came up with a naked photo as her profile. He claims he has no idea who she is but the doubt is there from last time. We have had a huge row and I even slapped him for calling me paranoid. When we don't fight, he is actually perfect for me, sweet, funny, sexy and a good provider. Its just whenever his past or exs are mentioned...Im so confused and scared as im only 21 and I just cant face the idea of divorce. We were trying for a baby but he told me during the fight we never have enough sex, which just added fuel to the fire. Help?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Were you forced into this marriage by your family? How will they feel about your first divorce? Because that’s what’s going to happen here eventually. You will finally not want to take the emotional abuse any longer and you will be strong and leave.
DO NOT have a baby at this point with a man you do not trust or you will be leaving with little ones in tow and that will forever bind you to this man.
So you found proof that before he KNEW you he paid for things for his THEN girlfriend.
How did you find these things, were you snooping? What made you snoop?
YOU went to him with paper in hand and asked about hit and he flat out lied to you even though you had proof? And you took these lies and accepted them and married him anyway?
He told you if you didn’t trust him to not marry him. HE KNEW what was up. YOU DIDN’T trust him and yet you still married him.
So here you are 21 married to a man you do not trust.
YOU get physically abusive with him (NOT GOOD)
I get emails all the time from match.com, ourtime.com singlemingle.com and eharmony.com I have never been to ANY of those sites but they bought a mailing list or something and around my birthday I get tons of unsolicited emails from them. It’s funny to me. My husband loves porn and he gets tons of porn spam on his computer….
It’s POSSIBLE that a profile with a naked pic is not his doing but rather a cold random try to get his attention email. Which to be honest is the least of your worries.
My concern is that you don’t trust him. MY concern is that he thinks he can lie to you.
I’m confused.. when did he stop having contact with this ex that he paid for that he never had sex with? (like really do you believe this?)
If you do not believe in divorce you better learn to suck up and deal with what you have before you or you will be miserable a long long time with this man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): You married a bit too young, by your own choice. You rushed into it fully knowing who you were marrying,and all his bad habits. He lied to you before you married him, and now you can't just walk away. You had the chance, but didn't. He hung on to his exes, and you married him anyway.I wouldn't consider having children until you both settle down. He has to mature and realize you don't contact your old ex-'s when you have a new wife. You jumped feet-first into all of this, and you're now crying in regret. You knew before-hand. By the way, you can down-load pictures of naked women off the internet. You don't have to know them. You ran to the alter, made vows, and now you think someone isn't keeping them?You now have to make a decision. Leave or stay and try and save your marriage. Ask him how would he feel if you were being contacted by your ex-boyfriends? If they paid the bills he couldn't, would it be okay? I doubt he'd like that. If he says he wouldn't mind, would you believe him?You may hang on for a few years. There will be ups and downs. If there is cheating, your marriage may not survive it. It will finally wear you down. This is what all those who marry might face.It's difficult being children in a dysfunctional household. Having a mom who believes your dad is cheating on her. Miserable because she doesn't know what to do about it.Either you get his commitment to make it work, or you walk out of this marriage. You don't have to accept his former girlfriends in your life. If he can't give them up; then you have to give up on him.He says he doesn't get enough sex. Why exactly? When you both cease fighting, humor him and try to talk about it. Either he is just making a weak excuse and hitting below the belt; or it is true. Only you know the truth to that.You snooped and found out more than you really wanted to know. Or you just reinforced what you always knew! Now deal with it.
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