A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl a few months ago, and instantly felt some chemistry. We've been talking continuously ever since, but nothing happened between us yet. This has a couple of reasons, which I would like to discuss here to see if I should keep pursuing.First of all, this is the first time for me that I have to pursue someone - usually I'm the one being pursued by others. Due to lack of experience and knowledge, it took me quite some time to build up the courage to really get to talk to her and keep on talking to her. She is kind of shy, and even though she's opened up to me about her past and her life quite a bit, she hasn't really given me any clear indication of wanting to further our relationship apart from the occasional glance, touch and semi-drunk hinting by calling me cute and leaving the party together. I've found out that I'm bad at reading these in the moment, and unsure if I read them properly afterwards. Secondly, she seems to rely on me to initiate contact, basically every time we get in touch. I know that this is usually not a good sign - I know from myself that if I don't ever feel the urge to talk to someone and never contact them, it probably won't work out. But with her, I don't know if she doesn't have the urge or just doesn't have the guts. Whenever I do contact her, she replies within the hour and writes quite extensive messages, asks me all sorts of questions and we stay talking for the rest of the day, sometimes week. She's repeatedly said that she likes to talk to me. I've asked her 'out' for lunch a few times now, and she eagerly said yes in both cases and we had a nice time. I wasn't all too discouraged by the fact that she never initiates, because of the fact that she always responds and seems to be happy to spend time with me, however, I was abroad last week (she didn't know) and haven't heard from her at all in about 2 weeks now. What I'm looking to find is whether or not this lack of initiation on her side could be a real indication of her not being interested in me, and if there's ANY hope for me - since I have no clue how to go about this - what is the best way to pursue her now? Should I be direct and straight to the point in asking her out on a real date, or should I take things as slow as they've been going so far?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): (I'm the OP)
I know she's bisexual, which doesn't bother me coz I am as well.. Of course this can still mean she just wants to be friends (which I guess is always the question in the beginning), but the problem still remains that I don't know whether I should take action and try if she never initiated contact before.
I just find it hard to determine how to proceed - which also counts if she just wants to be friends. I don't know how pro-active I should be.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 OP are you sure of her sexual orientation? Maybe she just sees you as a friend?
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 April 2013):
Grow a pair or you'll be "inexperienced" the rest of your life.
Let me ask you a question. What's worse, asking a girl out and possibly hearing "no" or being single forever because you're too afraid of hearing "no" to ever ask?
If you don't ask you're just a friend.
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