A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:While snooping around my boyfriends house I found bags of ladies underware, sex toys and porno movies. I mean several bags! I was shocked. Why did he have these and why would be ever keep them. I can't tell him that I found this stuff because I was snooping around. I can't seem to get this out of my mind. Should I say something or should I keep pretending I don't know about this?
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female
reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (11 April 2013):
 If you snooped I am assuming that your gut instinct was trying to tell you something. Talk with him and admit the snooping; if you are prepared to snoop then you have to take the consequences too. See what he says and what excuses he has for the BAGS of stuff you found. Then if you are not happy with his answer, RUN FOR THE HILLS !!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 Well you shouldn’t have snooped, but you did and now you have to deal with the consequences of your bad behavior.
Why did he have these?
BECAUSE men masturbate and like porn, sex toys and some like ladies undies. Nothing abnormal or wrong with it in my opinion.
Should you say something? Sure, why were you snooping? WHAT exactly where you expecting to find or not find? Why don’t you trust him enough to not snoop?
I will never understand folks that keep secrets in serious relationships. IF you are serious enough that you are alone in his home enough time to snoop, then there should be no secrets… but to be honest if he picked up the “you should never masturbate or look at porn” vibe from you he would be inclined to hide it.
When I met my husband he had lots of sex toys, porn, ladies garments that he wore etc… At first we incorporated them into our lives together… now they languish in a bottom drawer in our bedroom totally ignored. The fun part is, now he has a vested interest in my wearing cute and sexy undies and indulges me in a very expensive lingerie habit that I never would have had without him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Let's try to be a little bit more charitable to your boyfriend, You don't say how old he is. Sometimes men over the Age of 50 have some degree of erectile dysfunction, and some of theses may things you saw may have helped to have a better sexual experience with you. You must know Your boyfriend better than anyone else does he come across as perverted? If you love him and he seems normal and you can trust him why not try and share in some of his fantasies as Long as you're comfortable with it. I wish you all the best. Ralph
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (8 April 2013):
Let me get this straight, he had a keen interest in sex when he was single now he has a girlfriend he has bagged it up, isn't that the perfect situation? lol.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (8 April 2013):
I'm with Janniepeg on this one. He sounds like a big revolting pervert to me and I personally would run a mile!! Anyone with lots of "paraphernalia" would just be a red flag to me. Yes, I have a vibrator and my husband and I have a few other things to keep things interesting, BUT bags of the stuff?? Did he steal the ladies undies or has he slept with countless women (red flag again)!! What sex toys did he have?? There is having a HEALTHY interest in sex and there is having an UNHEALTHY interest in sex. Your BF is the latter. What is your sex life like??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): Interesting! While it may freak you out to think your man is sex obsessed or a bit of a perve, it's pretty normal. Don't you own sex toys yourself? I personally have a collection of sex stuff- vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, lubes, whips, paddles, sex games and porn etc. I think a lot of women do. So its a bit unfair to expect him not to experiment with his sexuality. Perhaps talk about some fun toys you like to use yourself and ask him if he has a collection. Hopefully he will open up to you! If not, I wouldn't push it, because he's obviously embarrassed. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 April 2013):
 If you hadn't snooped, you wouldn't have found those bags of women's underwear and porn.
I'm afraid you really had no business poking around in drawers or closets anyway. I doubt that he left them out in the open!
There's an old saying: "Those who eavesdrop never hear anything good about themselves." It's just asking for trouble, or at the very least, a nasty and/or completely misunderstood surprise........
Bottom line: If you suspected something was not on the up and up with this man it would have been much better to have brought it up in conversation.
So what do you do now? I haven't a clue - unless you learn from it!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 April 2013):
If you hadn't snooped, you wouldn't have found those bags of women's underwear and porn.
I'm afraid you really had no business poking around in drawers or closets anyway. I doubt that he left them out in the open!
There's an old saying: "Those who eavesdrop never hear anything good about themselves." It's just asking for trouble, or at the very least, a nasty and/or completely misunderstood surprise........
Bottom line: If you suspected something was not on the up and up with this man it would have been much better to have brought it up in conversation.
So what do you do now? I haven't a clue - unless you learn from it!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Hi
I had to laugh, its his single man equipment,maybe a few trophies, he's packed it away in his 'man way' because he has you now.
Don't snoop again. I would go mad if my fella snooped round my place and what *would* he make of my electric drill I wonder
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Best not to think about it if possible... Maybe you could offer him some of your underwear..? ;)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Those are masturbating tools. The combination helps make the experience more real. I don't know what you expect to hear from him. What are you going to do with the knowledge that your man is a perv? Are these deal breakers for you? Is it too much to handle that you are not the only woman who can turn him on, and that he can only be aroused with that extra stuff?
I don't think he's trying too hard to hide his habits. He will either be ashamed when caught or he will tell you he will stop, or he lies and hides it even deeper, or he says that's who he is he's not going to change. If you don't want to let him know you snooped. Ask him sexual questions, his fantasies. He might try to sound normal to you, or he might open up to his darker side.
I believe that fetishes aren't harmful to society when people can differentiate between fantasy and reality. For relationships though, I find that men who are into weird stuff have issues when you try to relate to them in a more personal level. Whether you want to stay with him depends on what good qualities he has. There has to be a hell of a good reason to stay with a man with what I call a sexual paraphernalia.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): I guess that will teach you to snoop. Seriously, what were you expecting to find?
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