A
male
age
30-35,
*atthew1017
writes:My Mom is Sleeping with a Guy My Age. Advice?My mom is 45 and she's sleeping with a 21 year old guy I knew while growing up. I'm her only son (only child) and I'm 20. I don't think this is right, or appropriate at all. I think she should act her age and not be dating, or hooking up, with a 21 year old who's still in college. And I think he's wrong for wanting to date, or hook up, with such an older woman. What's the point? Am I overreacting? She says that I am. Anyone have any experience or think this is cool? or wrong? Just looking for a little outside perspective. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): I agree with Cerberus writes (8 April 2013) and what he wrote:
You'd prefer if she just got with a tubby, balding middle aged dude who can't keep it hard for long than ten minutes?
There are way to many of those types of guys out there. They use Viagra and the porn tapes and even then it is only like ten minutes, if that. Woo Hoo! What a fun time in bed.
Your mom found herself a stud. Let her have her fun and with someone that can last a long time and satisfy her needs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): Well, old men have been dating young women half their age and younger for centuries so I don't see anything wrong with what your mom is doing. Why should there be a double standard.
Now, I worked with a lady that went through a terrible divorce. To get back at her ex-husband she had a fling with a guy in his early twenties. She was your mom's age. Just so she isn't doing it for revenge.
Some guys like an older woman. They have the knowledge and can teach them a lot in the bedroom. I know this is your mother we are talking about but it is her life, we only get one shot at it, so she can do as she pleases.
So, I say, more power to her.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 April 2013):
 In a perfect world, you would go and sleep with "...this 21 year old guy I knew while growing up"'s Mother.. That would balance out the Karma....
Absent that...take the advice that you've read, herein.....
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 If there something that is not right and not appropriate is a 20 y.o. son meddling in his mother's love and sex life and demanding to dictate what she should do and with whom. Who are you ,OP, her son or her tutor ? The custodian of her virtue , the censor of her morals ? Based on what, your superior knowledge, your long life experience ?.. Do you get also to tell her what she can eat , what she can wear, what she can spend her money on, where she can work ?....I guess not, OP- because you are two adults that need to respect each other's freedom and judgement. She does not get to say which girls you can have sex with , you'd think this overbearing - and it works also viceversa . I am sure that, if you have a good relationship, she values your - motivated and well thought - opinions and even objections , and she is willing to consider them, whether they be about getting herself a new car or a new house or a new relationship, but ultimately the choice is hers . You don't have to LIKE her choices, but you should have the common sense and the courtesy to accept them and respect them without too many ifs and buts. It's her life - and her bed !, as long as she does right by you as a MOTHER , stay out of what she does as a female.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 April 2013):
You're trying to tell your mom that she shouldn't do what makes you her happy, but she should do what makes you happy instead?
Someday you'll likely find yourself in her position so don't be too judgmental.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 April 2013):
I’m sorry you are having a hard time with your mom having a life now that you are grown. I guess the issue is more that you know this guy and see him as a contemporary. I guess maybe it would be easier if it wasn’t someone you knew from growing up.
Also, I guess it’s hard for kids to see their parents as anything but parents. At 45 she’s still quite young and clearly attractive to young men.
While you may not see it at right or appropriate, you are not her judge or jury and can’t really control what two adults do. You can tell her it makes you uncomfortable and therefore you do not want to discuss it nor be around her while she is with him.
It’s not inappropriate as once people are past age 18 they are adults and able to make their own choices.
While you may not wish to date older women many men do. I’m 13 years older than my husband and he is closer in age to my oldest child than he is to me. Who is anyone to question why my husband and I are together?
You are overreacting. It’s not cool or uncool. It just is what it is.
...............................
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 April 2013):
 I can see how that would be uncomfortable for you, but all you can do is look the other way.
Your mother deserves satisfaction just as much as everyone else. If this is how she's getting that satisfaction for now, then there isn't much you can do about it.
I'm around your age, and I was in a casual relationship with a 45 year old guy with two teenage daughters. I wasn't trying to be their mother or anything, so their father and I did our best to be discreet. If you and your mother are close, that may be the most that you can ask of her, to try to be a bit more discreet with this matter.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): Amazing how you have a grasp on this, but Mom doesn't.She is an adult, and she is probably suffering from low self-esteem and her hooking up with a guy that young compared to her, probably makes her feel youthful, so she's not really thinking the whole thing through. And without totally grossing you out, at her age, her sex drive is probably pretty high and a guy her age or older may not have the stamina to keep up with her. I think your Mom has a right to do what she wants, however, she could show a little more class and respect and be a bit more discreet with her sex life. It's not like you are not old enough, and yes our parents have sex too, but it doesn't mean our parents should flaunt it.It's very common for men your age to have a go at this because women that age have so much more sexual experience and they don't have to work so hard to get it. But in reality eventually the guy grows up and realizes that besides sex, they are not very compatible. Let it run it's course, but hopefully she is being safe, not bringing home random guys to where she lives and protecting herself from STD's!I had a small situation on Facebook not too long ago...a random guy sent me a message and I had no idea who he was and initially ignored it. He was very persistant. I did a little digging and it turned out we had a few mutual friends...ya...those mutual friends were all in college (kids I knew from my daughter's high school sports). And it turned out both my daughters knew him and one of them hung out with this guy... honestly, I didn't know if I should run with it and have some fun (meaning to see how long he would take to figure out who I was by my last name) because he was trolling for older women (I am 45) or should I just cut him off to save this guy a seriously embarrassing situation. I chose to save him the embarrassment. I would never entertain the idea knowing I have kids that age...it's just too weird and awkward.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): It's weird, it's not something you want from your mother but then again OP I don't think many boys would be happy thinking of their mother as a sexual creature who may enjoy a casual hook up thing but guess what, she does.
OP you've gotten things a little mixed up here don't you think? She's the mother, you're the son. You don't get to dictate shit to her and frankly she has spent 20 years of her life dedicating everything to just one guy, you. Now that her job is done with you she's free to live her life as an independent woman again and enjoy it.
OP she's your mother, you don't get to judge her if what she's doing isn't hurting anyone.
OP when has your mothers sex life ever been your business? You going to give her tips on blow jobs too? You going to give her shit because she used to love anal with your dad?
She's a woman OP, and the one person in the world who should never try and stop her being happy is her own son.
You're overreacting, but it's understandable. It is a bit creepy and weird but she's a grown woman OP this is what she wants and if it makes her happy to do this then why not?
OP this is probably the first time in years your mother has had a chance to feel sexy, desired, wanted, lusted after and just have meaningless fun sex. Regardless of how you feel about it are you really going to deny her that? For what? Because you don't like the age gap?
You'd prefer if she just got with a tubby, balding middle aged dude who can't keep it hard for long than ten minutes?
OP the one question that really matters here is this. Would you rather she live the life you think she should or would you rather she live her life her way and that way that makes her most happy?
...............................
A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 I don't think there is anything you really can do about it..Your mom is an adult so is he,you can voice your opinion(only when asked) I doubt they would take that into consideration tho..right now they are in the 'honey moon phase' and anyone coming in between will be like a third person trying to break them up!I think you let your mom do what she wants,she an adult,she can make wise decisions..since your not comfortable you can keep your distance from the couple!Now whether they last together or don't that would be hard to say,I know some couples with that much age difference and it has led to marriage and kids,but I also know a wholesome where it just lasted a few months and they call it a 'passing affair'..!So you take a step back,try not getting bothered by it,focus on college,work and other things..Good luck OP
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): "What's the point?"She gets an ego boost from being perceived as still vital and attractive enough to land a boy toy, and he gets a chance to sink his hooks into a potential sugar mama or else he has his own deep-seated mommy issues. "Am I overreacting? She says that I am. Anyone have any experience or think this is cool? or wrong? Just looking for a little outside perspective."You're not overreacting at all, it must be awkward and embarrassing for you to know that your mother's boinking a childhood peer, and if she had any respect and consideration for her son's feelings then she wouldn't be acting like a hoochie mama. Yes, she's an adult but she's also your mother and as such she shouldn't be so dismissive of your concerns. Guessing that your bio-father isn't in the picture, if so then maybe she's looking to reclaim the lost youth that she spent raising you as single mother. I'm in my late fifties and I know a few guys who are now shacking up with much younger girls (and guys, older gay men are even worse chicken hawks), but most 21-year-old males for rent tend to gravitate towards older men because they are more likely to be in positions of authority and therefore better able to bankroll a boy toy in the style to which he would like to become accustomed, also known as being gay for pay.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Yea man I feel you. Its weird perhaps awkward n that makes u uncomfortable. The logic behind this is they are adults they can do as they wish. I think youd hafta bite the bullet here.
...............................
|
