A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been friends w a guy for 12 years. He admitted to me about 5 years ago that when we first knew each other, in grad school, he had a big crush on me and kept his distance from me because of that. For the middle part of our friendship he was in a serious relationship for 6 years but that did not work out. We recently both moved back to the same city (where we first met and knew each other) after being abroad for several years. One night we had dinner with my sister and cousins and apparently he was being very aggressive w me but I was not aware of this - he was touching me a lot and kept talking about how he moved back to the U.S. to meet the love of his life etc. The people at the dinner said they felt he came to dinner with a plan ... Later we went to bar and I did realize he was giving me a lot of attention and touching me a lot, in a sexual way, on my back and legs and stuff. At the end of the night he kissed me ... it was an amazing kiss, a fairy tale kiss. Anyway we hung out a couple of times after this. One of the times I tried to understand where this was all coming from and he is always vague, he just keeps saying we are exploring an attraction that may have been there for a long time. I expressed my concerns about ruining the friendship ... he said he thought it was going to be ok ... I'm still nervous... anyway, the last time we hung out I asked him if he wanted to come home w me ... he said something like, I think we should take it slow. He said I don't want you to think I don't want to ... I would love to take you home and make love to you ... but I think we should take it slow. He said, but, it's gonna happen. (I found this to be slightly presumptuous!) We made out like crazy that night and he fingered me at the bar, it was incredibly hot and more than that really nice ... he was so sweet as well, at the end of the night he said how nice it was to be w me like this. Then he went away for two months, he has been traveling for work ... I have barely heard from him. He is still in process of moving back to this city, so I guess I understand why he's been away, but he just bought a home here so I know he is coming back. But, I'm seriously weirded out that we haven't really been in touch. On one hand, it isn't like we have to "get to know each other" over email since we already know each other. On the other hand, I find it a little annoying that he's been so out of touch - It almost feels like he takes for granted that things will happen for us, but like I have been dating other guys too and shouldn't he have made more effort already? I do not get it. I'm pretty annoyed about the whole thing, to be honest. I was excited about this prospect when it was starting up, but now that all this time has passed, I'm just worried he hasn't thought it through or even takes it for granted as a foregone conclusion, which is a huge turn-off. He's supposed to be back this week, I guess, and has said when we spoke a couple of weeks ago adn texted that he really wants to see me and that he'll "see me soon," but there's still no plan to do that and I'm like, when you see me is in your control once you are back in the city! What do men in my age group think? I hope he didn't risk the friendship for no good reason. and if he is just taking it for granted, how do I go about reminding him I am a catch and he needs to make some effort!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2013):
 I don't think anything you do will make him see you as a catch
you are the girl he can neck with and finger at the bar.
he knows if he has sex with you that you will assume he's yours to do with as you please so he's smart enough to keep you dangling on a thread with a carrot in front of your nose so you continue to make out and skirt sex.
next will be blow jobs in the car...
If I learned nothing else from meeting, dating, and bedding my husband, I learned that a man who loves you and wants you will do ANYTHING to be with you. He will call you, email you, text you.....
two months and little to no contact.... you are nothing special to him dear.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 It sounds as if he has you as the 'fall back girl' to be honest.
Sketchy contact, poor effort and no plans to date properly.
He has the 'chat' down doesn't he...says stuff to keep you wondering but his actions say 'flaky and confusing'
I think i was very presumptious of him to say sex was a foregone conclusion...who does he think he is??
As rough as it is, some men are just not suitable, even if we have great connction!!
Have been in this situation myself (6 years and counting)and at some point you realise they will never make a move.
Don't be fooled by the years spent...to guys like this, it means little.
The guy I was involved with has been reduced to a person I just text on occasion, we dont meet anymore and I have broke contact for months on end, but he always finds away to ge through (even a hand written note through my door at one point!!) I know exactly why he keeps touch...because he likes the ego boost and also likes to be a bit of a nosy parker into my life (even though I tell him very little)
If this guy of yours was serious, he would have made a move by now...but it's his loss!
Get out there nd find yourself a more realistic guy whos ready to commit 3
xx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 April 2013):
"Remind" him you're a catch by being yourself. If he agrees that you are a catch he'll either treat you like one or not. It's up to you to do what you'd like from there.
You should never be anything but the best you can be.
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