A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm 27 and i met a guy with the same age in a dating site. we had been talking in skype/ym or fb for almost every night for a month only, seeing each other's pictures and seeing each other in camera. well, he was always saying that he loved me so much, that he wanted me to be his wife and a mom of our future kids and many more. i believed him, nevertheless, i never told him that i love him too since i'm a woman who doesn't believe that love can happen between 2 people who haven't met in person and considering the fact that i didn't feel like saying it.whenever he was asking me if i love him too, i would always say "i don't know yet" and i told him to look for another woman if he wanted but he said, he only wanted me, i also told him my negative sides but he said he would make me change. after saying those things to him, we still continued talking every night.until one day, he deleted his profile in fb and i had noticed that he was no longer online in ym and in skype. i thought he might be busy or whatever and i might be seeing him again next time but we haven't talked anymore for two weeks now. i was so much wondering why and miss him so much. i can't understand my feeling since we haven't talked anymore, i am feeling gloomy and sad, i did some hobbies to forget him easily but until now i can't. i don't care if he saw someone out there or what, but the question is, do i also love this guy and are there tips you can share to get rid thinking of him? thanks^^ Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 You are correct, saying you love someone you have never met is not wise. There is no way you can love someone you have never met.
The reason he disappeared in my opinion is because you wisely would not play his “I love you, let’s plan our lives and family together” game.
I understand that you miss the attention and the time passing spent with him online, but him as a person, I don’t think you miss him saying “you have to say you love me too”.
You do not love him. You love the attention and the excitement and the potential.
The best thing to do is delete all his information, stop looking for him online and keep busy…. This too shall pass.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): This whole thing was a fantasy. No, it's not love you were feeling with this person, because you never actually met him in person. This guy probably does this exact same thing with other women. For all you know, he's married.Think about it...he's telling you he is in love with you and he is so accepting of all your flaws, etc. and just like that, one day, he is gone. No, sorry I have met someone, or I can't do this anymore, nothing. Just gone. You did not fall into that trap so easy and you were too much work for him. He's only going to put in as much effort to communicate from afar and live in a fantasy land behind his computer screen with people who are going to love him too from behind a computer screen. Who knows, he could have eventually asked you for money, started suggesting sexting, nude pictures...it's endless was some of these creeps with do. And they will tell you anything they think you want to hear.Do yourself a huge favor and remove anything having to do with this person. You got caught up in this mess and the best thing you can do is learn from it. You are missing the idea of what he might be, not who he really was. Again, this whole thing was nothing more than a fantasy, not reality. What you are missing is what you do not have and that's a healthy relationship with a real person. If this guy was for real and so great, he would have met you already and he would not have disappeared like that.Be careful how much information you are sharing with complete strangers...these people are slick and know just how to get certain information out of people without them realizing it.If you are looking for someone to date in real life, this is NOT the way to do it. You should ideally meet within a few weeks of communicating based on what both your dating profiles indicate you are looking for in campatability. After those initial emails, you should be on your way to exchanging numbers to set up a meeting in person date in a public poplulated area with someone knowing you are there. When you meet in person, you will know if there is a mutual attraction and then you will go out on a real first date. If the guy is not going in this direction and is comfortable keeping endless emailing, texting and wants to skype, move on...it's not going to go anywhere at all. But that goes for you too. If you keep doing this, you will continue to get the same result/s. Please do not expect a different one because it's not going to happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for all your advice, they are very much appreciated and i will do them.
yea, indeed, i do believe, time heals the wound^^
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 April 2013):
 Yeah, people who want a fantasy relationship are not uncommon. I've had a man online propose to me without even meeting me, claiming to love me. I told him he can't possibly love me, he doesn't even know who I am. Some people aren't serious, and live in a dream world.
Then again, I have met completely sane and normal people online too, but you need to meet them in person before you can have a romantic relationship. Anything purely online can only be friendship at best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): There are some strange people out there. I chatted to a guy for 6 weeks who told me he couldn't stop thinking about me, talked about children and once even said he loved me. I didn't believe it and didn't say it back. There were lots of excuses as to why he couldn't meet face to face. I gave an ultimatum to meet up, he agreed, but on the morning of the date he texted to say sorry he was too busy to date anyone. He took down his dating profile immediately and said he was very sorry etc. Yes it hurt but not for long when I realised it was only ever a fantasy relationship. You'll stop thinking about him in time, don't worry. It just takes a little time. Next time be wary (like I am) of people going fast forward into the future before you've even met, and just beware of the people who only want a fantasy relationship. They are not so uncommon it seems!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 April 2013):
I don't think this was real love. Like you said, you can not love someone you never met. I was online dating myself one time, and met a man online. I thought I loved him, but it is true that you only love who you believe they are... You never know the truth about them. When I met him in person he was very different from what he had presented himself to be. He had lied to me about many things, and in real life he was a very aggressive and angry man. These things I didn't know when I was just talking to him online. Also, him saying he would change the bad things about you shows that he did not take you seriously. He didn't respect you, because one simply can not change another human like that. He didn't take what you said seriously. So to me this mans he didn't take you seriously, he refused to believe the truth about who you are because he wanted to make up an ideal picture of you. And in his ideal world he would just "change" the bad sides...
But in real life that's not how things work. You know that.
I think he probably lied to you about several things. Why else would he suddenly vanish? If he truly loved you he would not vanish like that, he would keep in touch and tell you where he went. Of course you miss him, you were used to talking to him. But missing a friend to talk to is not the same as loving him, and even if you loved talking to him and having him around, you have no idea who the REAL him is. The fact that he deleted his profile makes me think he wasn't real, that he was pretending to be someone he was not. Leading a double life. Maybe he was married. Did you ever see him on webcam? If not, then he probably wasn't anything like you thought, and more likely than not used fake pictures. Webcams are cheap to buy and easy to use, so if he really loved you he would have bought a webcam to talk to you. If you never saw him on webcam then he was lying to you about his looks and age.
You will get over him in time. Just give it time. The time you used to spend talking to him will be spent doing other things. It's just difficult now that you were used to talking to him, and he suddenly left. It leaves you feeling like you miss him, because it leaves several hours of the day where you don't have anything to do (because you used to talk to him during this time). But as soon as you fill in your time you wont miss him any longer. He was just a nice person to talk to for a time, but nothing serious.
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 April 2013):
You're right that you can't really love someone you've never met. You're better off without a guy that doesn't understand that. He's probably been "in love/wanting to get married/have babies" a number of times.
Time will help you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): OP - you cannot love someone you have never met. Neither can you realistically love someone enough to say you want to marry them and have their kids in the space of a month. Either this was part of a scam or this guy is very naive and idealistic. How can he say he loves you? He doesn't know you! Yes you may chat online and so on but that's not "real life". Speaking to someone online means we can "be" anything and anyone we want. If you pointed out your negative traits and he said he will change you to stop you being like that then that is nonsense! OP I think you need to be realistic. Either this guy is very mixed up or telling you what you want to hear (possibly part of a scam, does he live in your country?)Love takes months of getting to know someone, not a month of chatting online. He, or you, may feel very different when seeing each other in the flesh. How does he know that the person he is talking to, no disrespect in any way to you, doesn't have a hygiene problem or bad habits or is the person they say they are? Chatting to someone online makes people tell the other what to hear, in the flesh its very different. Move on from this guy. Forget him and find someone who isn't telling you he wants to marry you and have your kids having never even met you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2013): You aren't in love. You just miss his company. You've spent too much time online and need some healthy distraction away from the computer. You're infatuated with an image online that says he loves you; then disappears. You both formed a routine which became a habit, or mild addiction.What are you so depressed about? You've never met in person.You need to get out more and interact with real people.Skyping, texting, and sending e-mails requires no interpersonal skills. You meet imaginary people and form imaginary relationships online. You were hooked on fantasy.Don't worry. You were a little lonely and he kept you company. You miss him now; but it'll ease over time. It has only been two weeks. He found another way to entertain himself; or maybe he met someone else in-person.You should do the same.
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