A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, hey everyone. I'm looking to get some advice here because my mind is just all over the place right now. I'm going to be as respectful as I can about this post so please don't get the wrong idea that I am intentionally being judgemental or mean because I'm really not trying to be like that. This is going to be a very long story but it's something I really need to get off my chest and try to get some advice on so hopefully someone reads it.There is this girl my boyfriend is friends with, and her behavior is really upsetting me, and I really don't care for this girl at all. They just met not too long ago. She has dated a lot of my boyfriends friends in the past, and is currently dating another one of his friends at the moment. My problem with this girl comes in when for some reason, she always acts really weird around me. What I mean by this is that I tried to be friendly with this girl, and she laughed in my face and walked away. After a couple more tries of being nice to her and trying to become her friend had failed, I just gave up on it and decided I wasn't going to waste my time because she obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. The biggest problem I am having with her is her flirting with my boyfriend. When I mean flirting I don't mean just harmless flirting...I mean like really flirting. The way she flirts with my boyfriend is like the way a long term girlfriend would flirt with her boyfriend. She is always commenting on how cute he is, how she loves his accent, sending pics of her to my boyfriends phone, msging him late at night, skyping and video chatting with him, making a lot of sexual and flirty jokes, telling him how great of a boyfriend she thinks he would make, the list goes on and on. She contacts my boyfriend really late hours of the night wanting to talk saying she's bored and lonely, or asking my boyfriend for advice and stuff. My boyfriend is a nice guy and will almost always respond to her regardless of what he is doing or what time it is. She always comes to my boyfriend instead of her own boyfriend. Like I said earlier she is dating a good friend of my boyfriend, so she isn't just some random friend of his. At first I thought maybe she seriously just had a major crush on my boyfriend, then I realized that is probably not the case because I see myself that she is like this with almost every guy I have seen her talk to. Not only that but I find out that she has cheated on several of my boyfriends friends that she has dated. And I guess after finding that out is when I lost all respect for her. Although me and her don't get along and we don't like being around each other, we share a lot of mutal friends so I have been around this girl a lot, way more then my boyfriend has, so I have seen a lot of how this girl behaves and what she can really be like, and it's not pretty. My boyfriend does not really flirt back with this girl (as far as I know) but he is extremely nice and always very helpful for this girl. I've never talked with him about this because I guess he just doesn't see this girl the same way I do. I don't mind him talking with her every once in a while and being friendly, but she is really disrespectful towards me and seems to have such a problem with me and is just way too flirty with him and it's personally uncomfortable for me. So I guess what I am really trying to get at here is I'm not so comfortable with the way she acts around my boyfriend. She is dating his friend and I feel like she should not be flirting with my boyfriend whatsoever. Her behavior, in my opinion, is not at a friendship level with my boyfriend, I think it's way over the top. I really hate sounding so judgemental about her because I really tried to be nice to her, but her actions like her cheating, flirting with everybody and especially my boyfriend, being disrespectful towards me, comes off as a very trashy and slutty-like girl. Me and my b/f have been planning on a future and things and I really don't want to still be dealing with this girl later on down the road.I have a lot of questions here about this. I don't expect them all to be answered but I would like to hear your opinions and your personal view is on this. Why do you think this girl doesn't like me and seems to have a problem with me?Why do you think she is flirting with my boyfriend so much for?How should I let my b/f know that this bothers me a lot? I don't want to sound rude or controlling, but my boyfriend talking a lot with this girl is really bothering me. I don't trust this girl at all and I think she is just bad news. I'm just not sure what I should do exactly because I don't want to lose my boyfriend.Has anybody else here gone through a similar situation like mine? Like where your significant other was always being flirted with or one of their friends just didn't like you or where you didn't feel comfortable with them talking to someone? I have never gone through this before so I really just don't know what to think. I feel really stressed out lately from dealing with this all of the time and I'm sorry for rambling on so much but I need any advice at all.Thanks for your time
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 I will start by answering your questions. It does sound very familiar to another question a few weeks back… if that was you please let us know.
Why does she not like you?
I have no clue… maybe she doesn’t either. To be honest, it doesn’t matter why she does or if she does. You don’t have to be around her so don’t be around her. If her boyfriend asks your boyfriend to double date, make sure you boyfriend knows to say “we can’t sorry” and leave it at that. Often we want to know the WHY of something but usually it does not matter. WHY someone dislikes us when most people like us, means that it’s THEIR issue not yours. It’s only when EVERYONE dislikes you that you need to look at yourself. In this case, it’s her issue and you need not care, you aren’t going to change to make her like you so why she dislikes you (as you say she does) does not matter. Maybe she doesn’t dislike you, maybe she’s just rude?
Why is she flirting so much with your boyfriend?
Because he lets her. He responds to her “to be polite” but the truth is, her flirting with him strokes his ego even if he doesn’t admit it or realize it. His responding to her feeds her behavior and it becomes a vicious circle.
How should I let my b/f know that this bothers me a lot?
“Honey, it bothers me so much when “Sally” flirts with you like she does. I know you don’t see any harm in it AND I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU 100% but her behavior makes me uncomfortable. How can we fix this?” The issue is that IF YOU REALLY do trust your boyfriend 100% then what other women do to try to get him, does not matter. My husband is clueless and I have watched YOUNG girls like 20-25 flirt outrageously with him to try to get with him. He is only 39 and looks young for his age, and they have no clue that I’m his wife (I’m 53 and look it). I watch from afar and I laugh. Sometimes out loud. Then he comes over to me and I have to explain to him that a scantily clad young lady who leans over the gaming board with full cleavage 6 inches from his face, is attempting to garner his attention… he’s like “DUH she had her boobs in my face?” yes he’s that clueless. I know that if a girl was so blatant as to say “hey wanna come to my room?” he would say “sure let me get my wife we’ll be right there.” THAT trustworthy is my man. So let the girls flirt all they want. He’s mine no matter what they do. THAT my dear is trust. DO you trust your man? IF so then why does this girl’s behavior bother you so?
IF you think you may lose him to her, then you are not feeling trustworthy or secure in your relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): I think you already posted few weeks ago
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 April 2013):
There is always a girl like this at some point in one's life. This girl has low self esteem and feeds of the superficial attention she gets by throwing herself at people. She doesn't like you because, you are a girl. Since she is self centered she thinks all girls are just like her, so she would think that you are just being fake and that other girls like yourself are in fact just denying it. I don't rly know why exactly she is liek that, but once people cross certain morals it becomes a dangerous drug. Despite all of this, she is who she is and you should not hate her for that. She has a right to chose her friends just like you do.
In regards to your boyfriend, you should just calmly set him down and talk to him about these issues and explain that it is indeed important to you. Explain to him from the start just like how you have with us, using your facts and save emotions for the end of your talk to him. He will ask you at the end of it all, what you would like him to do. Say that you have given it some thought, and well suggest to him what he could do, but also ask him for suggestions. Do not forget to acknowledge the things he has been doing right (ie not giving into her every whim and still maintaining to be a nice person).
These things always happen. The important part is how you deal with it in relation to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Developing dialogues between you and your partner will evolve the relationship a step further. Also by speaking in a mature and calm manner, you can omit much of the emotional games that are often played, that also lead to arguments. I do not know your boyfriend but hopefully he is mature enough to handle such talks but I think he is. If he is not then I would have to question his validity as a lifelong partner but every step counts I guess :)
Try not to waste any more time with this issue, this girl does not care about you so you should not care about her. You are only wasting time feeling frustrated by the nothings she is doing to you, so solve it, and solve it fast!
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