A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I am so desperately looking for helpSo there's this guy I really like. And he expressed he likes me a lot. And everything is leading up to the possibility of us dating, except today he said one thing that makes me worried about our future. He told me, unlike all gay men, he doesn't like dogs or pets he finds them "dirty." And that he's pushed guys away in the past because of that. But they won't ever change his mind. I told him hypothetically speaking I could see myself sacrificing me owning animals for his happiness. However, the fact he describes them dirty makes me realize at my Mom's house we all have animals inside. I feel like this potentially could drive a wedge between my own pet loving family and my desire to be with him. Because he really loves me. What is the most sensible thing to do? What can I do? Is he worth leaving even though in all other aspects he isn't as hard headed? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2013):
 Depends on how important animals are to you.
I love dogs. BIG HUGE HAIRY dogs. I have had dogs on and off for most of my life.
My current husband does not like dogs and is allergic to them.
I am resigned to a pet free home and get my doggy fix from my friends. I miss having dogs but I don't miss the mess, the expense or the time necessary to raise dogs that are neat, clean and well mannered.
But my husband does not judge others that keep dogs as dirty. He just does not want them in our home. Not dogs, not cats, not plants... nothing that creates dust or dirt.
If your boyfriend is judgmental of pet owners then that might be an issue.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Never put all your eggs in one basket. The guy may have a lot of great qualities; but he seems unwilling to compromise on at least one specific thing that you are aware of. Pets! Your own parents have pets.I don't think it will end with only one specific item. I think the list will grow longer over time, and you will find yourself making all the sacrifices to make him happy. It would be different if he has allergies. His reasoning is that they're "dirty." That's a bit extreme and inflexible. He will likely make most of the decisions in the relationship; because he is intolerant of this or that.That can be exhausting.You may want to keep this guy in the "friend-zone" for a while. Get to know him better; so you can find out how many other things he feels are "dirty" and he is unwilling to make compromise on.There are lots of people out there with all his qualities and more. You don't need a relationship built on one-sided sacrifice. You'll come to resent the other person, and you'll have a lot of regrets for what you gave up; if you break up.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 I've had animal friends all my life and they certainly can be dirty, but I'm willing to take on all the extra work because I love having them around. I can appreciate your friend's sentiments and the fact that he's been honest and up front about them, but for me it would be a deal breaker.Giving up things that enrich your life for someone else's comfort is not a good idea. It shows them that you want them more than they want you which gives them all of the power in the relationship. This sacrifice would be the first among many and the more you invested yourself in him the harder it would be to walk away in the future. Family dinners at your mum's will be difficult to arrange or enjoy if your future boyfriend refuses to attend because he thinks her home is dirty. He may be a nice guy, clever, warm, fun to be around, but you can have all that with someone who shares your love of animals.
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