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She says that I'm just a friend and now is pretty much avoiding me

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 April 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2013)
A male Pakistan age 30-35, *neebakr writes:

6 Months ago I fell in love with this girl to this day I am still in love with her, I used to obsess about her and when I finally became friends with her things started to get better but then I told her I liked her she avoided eye contact smiled when I told her but when I asked her she told me that I was just a good friend, ever since for whatever reason she avoids me can't stay in the same room for 5 minutes but in a week something happens and she starts giving me all the usual signs wanting my attention, smiling whenever I look at her. Then all of a sudden when i start getting into it she starts the same avoiding and not contacting with me again to the point where she will act busy and not reply or pick up calls. She texts sometimes but quickly cuts the conversation short.

I really need some advice here.

Thanks.

View related questions: fell in love, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntShe's not interested in being more than a friend but clearly she likes the attention you give her as you try to make her more....

then once you step up your game, she backs off again because she's NOT interested in more than a friendship and nothing you say or do can change that....

I agree with AuntyEm... I'd ignore her totally unless it was business related. If she then comes on to you, you can decide if you want to play her game and go after her again and then when she blows you off one last time, tell her never again or if you want to tell her from the get go that she needs to be more than a tease or else you are done with her.

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (8 April 2013):

AuntyEm agony auntShe has you on a string it seems. Wanting your attention one minute and avoiding you the next.

Play her at her own game, avoid her and don't give her any attention. Tell her you are not prepared to be played with and she needs to realise she cannot treat you this way.

It may make her think about what she is doing!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013):

Stop obsessing over her, and start looking for someone else. That's all you can do, because you can't force someone to have feelings for you. I know it's difficult, but she's already made it clear she's not going to be with you. And while you may not be saying anything to her directly regarding your feelings for her, you're still feeding your obsession by staying friends with her. I'm sure every time you hang out as friends you hope she'll change her mind and want a relationship with you. You're just going to keep going around in circles if you don't cut the chord. She likes having your attention because it boosts her ego, nothing more. The only way to stop having feelings for her is to distance yourself from her. She seems to be playing mind games with you, anyway. Who has time for that? Show her you don't.

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