A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here is my situtation and i am finally here and ask for help.background: i am 23, graduating in college in may, he is 49 yr old,college graduated, never married no kids and has a 9-5 job(not rich at all, i am saying that just because i do not want people think i am here for the money)we met on a dating site, he lied about his age, we connected, then met in person. we have been dating for 3 yrs, but after i moved in with him, there were no sex anymore.at the begining we were good, i went to his place once a week in the weekends, would have sex and hugs(i requested). then i moved in with him when after a year and half, it is a small bedroom and i pay half of the rent. also i buy all the grocesories. he never hold my hands in public, maybe 4 times french kissing in the entire relationship, rarely hugged me, and now no sex. he will watch porn instead.i feel so dead inside.during the 3 yes, i paid 2 carribean vacations, and also the normal entertainments are always me paying.(he probably paid 2 times during the whole 3 yrs) i was not mind at the begining because he really doesnot make much money, but now i have some financial issue and i said to him we need to cut the night out(he got mad at me). when we go out we usually go to the bar he likes, he always staring at the waitress with big boobs etc or blonde girls.(if i raised the concern he would blame me that thinks i am insecure)i am very attractive, he is not as much, and no money no anything.he choked me once, kicked me out of the bed 4 times, kicked me out of the apt 3 times(whihch i needed to sleep in my car in the fall in the new england weather)i am so depressed, did not see any future but still the one with hope. he said to me more than once who will marry someone like you. at a lot of hurtful things.he drinks a lot if he could. always gets mad at me and can create anything to start a fight.please help, should i end this, why and how?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Honey this is no way for you or anyone to live. This is not about his age. This is about an abusive man and the fact that you stay. You need to get out now.
There is no future with him and he’s abusive.
Yes please end it as soon as possible. If you are scared he will be angry if you leave (and I am not worried about him being hurt, more about your safety) then you may have to ease out of the situation slowly by moving things of yours a bit at a time.
He’s a drunk with a temper. This is not a good mix. Do you have family or friends you can go stay with? Can you pack everything and get out in one trip? IF so, I suggest that you do so while he is at his job. DO NOT TELL HIM till you have everything out of the apartment/house.
THEN you can call him and tell him, “It’s over and done, I left my key on the table and I’m gone, do not contact me, it’s over” Normally I would not suggest doing it this way, but I sense that he’s going to fight you tooth and nail if you try to leave. He has it good, I bet you cook and clean and pay for the groceries and entertainment and he will miss that.
If you have no family or friends (and don’t be so sure you have no friends to stay with, sometimes all you have to do is ask), then contact a woman’s shelter for assistance to get out of an abusive relationship.
DO NOT, let him make you feel guilty or cheap or anything else. YOU are a wonderful worthwhile person and his problems are his and not yours.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): All I can say is that;
The answer is in your question!
Dead end, end it! Do you want to be used by an unhealthy man, who drinks, cannot walk hand in hand with you, who doesnt need sex and porn is enough! He needs a doctor or a pscyhologist and you need a Man, a real man who apprecaites you, treat you like a woman both in bed and outside of the bedroom!
Good luck ! Dont waste anymore years because you will regret it that you havent left him ages ago!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): Without a doubt get away from him. You need to figure out why you think so little of yourself to stay like someone like that. I know when you care for someone it clouds your judgement & often times you put up with things that you shouldn't. He has nothing to offer you & will only continue to damage your self-esteem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2013): Stash your money! You should move out without even giving him notice. Make sure you find a place a good distance from him and his usual hangouts. Cut off any and all communications once you leave. Be sure to forward your mail.
Get a legal restraining order to keep him away from you.
Start a clean slate. Remaining in this situation will only make you bitter and you may get permanent damage physically and/or emotionally from abuse. There is absolutely no reason to live under such conditions. Wasting your youth and time on an evil old coot.
If he ever lays his hands on you again, call the police and file charges for domestic violence. Never ever let any man kick you or choke you without calling the police! Choking is a felony offense!
I'm not sure what attracted you to him, how and why you've stayed so long. However, I hope you will get just a little therapy to be sure you don't go out and find a replica of that piece of (s)hit.
Please remove yourself from that situation as quickly as possible. Forget the lease, travel light to move quickly.
Don't spend another dime to support that blood-sucking middle-aged leech. I could only imagine what your parents must be going through, aside from what you've experienced yourself. Was this all to get back at them for something?
I can't find any logic in why you've remained with someone so brutal and mean to you.
Steel away in the night, when the old bastard is sleeping off a drunk. Leave him cold, flat out, and alone!
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