A
male
age
30-35,
*lueless1992
writes:i am in relationship for the past two years. everything was great until i caught my girlfriend cheating on me. even though i confronted her she somehow emotionally tricked me into staying with her. i am unable to forget this incident. i made it clear to her that i don't trust her and i want to breakup with her but she says i am the world to her and that she couldn't imagine a life with me. she is emotionally blackmailing me that she will die if i leave her. i feel like she is manipulating me emotionally.i am worried that she may hurt herself. what should i do? how can break up with her? please help:(:( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): You need to just act as if you didn't hear her and go ahead and break up with her as you would with any other "normal" person.If she hurts herself, that is her choice and it is not your responsibility how she chooses to respond to your break up.Think about the alternative, which is to continue staying with her JUST because you're afraid she'll hurt herself if you leave. What will this relationship look like now and in the future? basically it's a hostage situation. Then what will happen next? fast forward a few years she will decide it's time to get married and have kids. You don't want to (because you still don't trust or even like her)? Then she will threaten to hurt herself in despair so you "have" to go along again and marry her and have kids with her...see where this is heading?? You will be lucky if she dumps you in the future but how long are you willing to wait until that happens?easier to pull the plug right now, strike when the iron is hot. You can justify more easily leaving now because the thing she did that was a deal breaker (her cheating) is still recent. If you stick around a few more years and then decide to break up she will have a stronger case for emotionally manipulating you to continue staying since by then the status quo will be the relationship and your supposedly having forgiven her not her deal-breaking behavior. If you're not strong enough to break up with her now, you sure as heck won't be able to then and then your future I painted above will happen.That is not to say that you should ignore her threats of self-harm. I know people who did take their own lives. But that doesn't mean you must give her what she wants. Instead, inform her family and other friends. Give her phone numbers to suicide hotlines and therapists. That is the extent of your responsibility. And then break up with her. She would then have been given resources to cope with any real feelings of wanting to self harm. If she chooses to disregard them it is not your responsibility.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 I agree with Cerberus OP. Folks that threaten suicide as a way to get you to stay with them are not really going to do it, they are manipulating you.It's very hard to find that fine line of what to do and not do.In this case, I would say to her that you are leaving and nothing she says or does will change that you are leaving. If she says she will kill herself if you leaveCALL her bluff. Tell her "I'm still leaving, you are no longer my problem but since you are suicidal I have to call the authorities and report your threat of suicide so they can take you into custody and protect you in the psychiatric ward"then she can either say "do it" in which case I would report it, or she will back down because no one wants an involuntary commitment on their record. And poof you are done with her.
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A
male
reader, clueless1992 +, writes (9 April 2013):
clueless1992 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thanks so much for the advices. i am going to make it clear to her that her days of emotionally manipulating and blackmailing are over. ill keep you guys updapted on what happens. it means a lot to me to know that there still people left to help me in my crysis. once again i thank you all for your valuable advices
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): "Clearly some of the people on here don't know of anyone who threatened suicide and then actually followed through."
I've known 4 people who committed suicide, one a very close friend. None of them threatened it, they were just found dead. No one had any idea they were suicidal.
People who threaten it rarely follow through, that's a statistical fact. It's also a statistical fact that most women who do "attempt" it never actually follow through, it's merely a cry for help or a ploy.
I like your idea of telling her family. I think he should do that, but he should not for one second feel guilty if she carried out her threat. That's very unfair on him to even contemplate thinking that way. She's using this for power over him, not because she's suicidal.
I've had women try that shit with me, the first one I was like him. I was scared, didn't want to feel responsible. But suicide is a very personal act, the only person responsible is the person commits the act.
I would not ever feel guilty if I were in his position and she actually went ahead with it. It's her life, if she wants to end it then it's nothing to do with me. in fact, as cruel as this sounds then it saves me the hassle of having to put up with her anymore. I say that because you have to be cold to people who try this kind of thing because it;s emotion they feed off to keep control over you.
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A
female
reader, ladylike26  +, writes (9 April 2013):
Hi, First of all: If someone can cheat once,they will do it again. Fact!Secondly: You dont want MUG written on your forehead because you deserve better. Someone, who respects you, who doesnt want to control you, who you can trust. Emotional blackmailing is something you want to be away from asap. It slowly destroys all your self-esteem, until you totally get under their control. ***She wont kill herself. She will live without you. She didnt give a damn about your feelings when she was having sex with someone else. She is now, trying to make you feel special and loved again by saying these things,but believe me, only to be able to knock you down again. This is the meanandsweet cycle. You keep hoping things will change, this is how you get stuck in this controlling relationship. Then she will hurt you again and this cycle continues until you will lose yourself completely. **BE STRONG AND LEAVE HER** LET HER CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2013): Clearly some of the people on here don't know of anyone who threatened suicide and then actually followed through. It's an awful feeling, knowing maybe you could've helped. Trust me, you don't want to live with that guilt for the rest of your life.
It's not your responsibility, but please talk to her parents or friends about her threats, and try to get her to see a counselor, before you stop talking to her...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 April 2013):
It sounds like she's a real piece of work. Get Away from her asap! I know it can be tempting to feel responsible for her welfare, but as her ex boyfriend you have no responsibility towards her. What she chooses to do is up to her.
I'm sure she's just bluffing. I've been there and it's a case of calling her bluff.
Your girlfriend cheated because she's insecure. She also says she can't live without you for the same reason. It has nothing to do with her actually wanting to hurt herself.
When you break up with her make sure you tell her that you don't want to talk with her anymore. It's done and nothing she can say will change that. Then block phone/Facebook/email. It will help her move on and it'll spare you the psycho drama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): If you do keep her around, it's only a matter of time that it will happen again. If you really were her world and she can't live without you, she would not have done what she did in the first place. Plain and simple.Cut her loose and don't buy into the drama. She made a choice and now she has to deal with the consequences. It's not your problem and its not your fault. She has to work on herself and figure out why she did what she did, not you. Sure it's hard, you have a history with her, but honestly, you will be better off moving on. You deserve someone who will honor your relationship together and someone you can trust. Without trust, you have nothing. There are never any reasons/excuses, blaming or justifications for cheating. People surely try all the time...but it comes down to choosing the right thing or the wrong. It's often easier to choose the wrong and that's what separates the women from the girls and the men from the boys, no matter what age you are.Cut her loose, and cut off all ties. She's going to be a pain in the arse for a while and try to turn this around on you...don't let her get under your skin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): Stop being a pussy and just break up with her.
If she says she'll die again then say "So? I don't care what happens to you from now on because I'm breaking up with you. You're already dead to me, I don't care whether you physically die or not. Goodbye."
Simple.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): that sounds like a pickle, i just want to say a simillar thing happen to be but i was in your girlfriends position, i did not cheat but i did something my boyfriend dissaproved of and he ened it, i called him on the phone bagging and begging for him back he took me back and we are happy now, but believe me when i say that she has very little respet for herself is she not only cheeted but begged to be with a man who wants to leave her, you should tell her that she needs to see what she has done, say "try seeing it from my piont of view if i cheated on y0ou " then hopefully she will see and let you go if not leave her it is very unlikely that she will kill herself, and im sure you know that maybe you still feel something for her, tell her you both need to at least take a break ( so you can both see that life isnt that hard without each other)hope i helped
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