A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Any suggestions?I am 40 and have been married for 18 years and my husband has been my only sexual partner. Our sex life has had its ups and downs. Currently I have more sexual energy than my husband. This wasn't the case before, he wanted something everyday so we usually did. We have reversed rolls and I want it everyday quite a few times. Beside not always having the time, he usually can go great one time and needs a 6-8 hours turnaround time to go again. I love him and understand. We really are good sexually. My husband has always wanted me to have a sexual experience with another man (alone or with him watching). Since we do have a good marriage, and open communication he has always told me of his fantasies. I have become more comfortable within the past year (I would always listen to his but not always share all of my fantasies). I have always thought of it but never said anything to pursue it.About 6 months ago I was speaking to my husband's married friend at a party and didn't think anything about it. The next day I couldn't stop thinking of him to the point that I felt aroused all day. I told my husband and he said that was good and he got excited that I was aroused. Since then my husband's and I have been having great sex, often. The sex is typically better when I am fantasizing about his friend. My husband asked if I wanted to experience his friend that he would speak with him. I said no, because I feel I need to get into shape (shed some pounds). My husband said whenever I was ready, I find myself always thinking of his friend and since his friend has on and off marital trouble I feel like it is more of a possibility to experience him. I would want to experience his friend but I have been so attracted to him that if I enjoy it (I am sure I will) I would like to continue the sexual relationship with his friend. My husband said it was up to me, but he said to make sure I was ready.My husband is afraid I might fall in love with his friend since I have only been with my husband and takes me some time to come out of my shell..I want to experience his friend but wonder if my husband is right. My husband has suggested to go to a swing club so I don't have an attachment. I am not sure if I could do that since I think I would be more comfortable with someone I know. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all the feedback. We are keeping it as a fantasy for now.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 April 2013):
 VERY bad idea.
I had an open marriage. It was a nice marriage. I loved my hubby with all his faults... we had always been open. I was fine and secure with him having his playmates but the minute I added a boy toy to our mix he lost it. the marriage did not survive.
I am now married to the boy toy. Our marriage is as closed and locked down as any marriage would ever be. Even contact with my ex husband is cleared PRIOR to contact.
Get some good sex toys for masturbation fantasy and keep it as such unless you want to start down the path of a ruined marriage.
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A
female
reader, MissJax  +, writes (9 April 2013):
 **My husband is afraid I might fall in love with his friend**
Keep it just a fantasy darling girl...this is just trouble waiting to happen to a healthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013): This had disaster and bad written all over it. Fantasies really should stay that way. If you want to think about them when you are having sex, nothing wrong with that, but actually following through...18 years of marriage and a friendship is a huge thing to strain or lose over this idea. Especially if it's so built up it does not meet your expectations, or his (and it won't).I have a fantasy of being with two guys, one of them my husband, and being with another guy while my husband is watching but I sure as hell would never suggest it or follow through with it. No way. This is because I rarely hear any of these "married couples trying out threesome's" or "trying out married couples swinging" go well at all unless they were in one of those non-committal open relationships that really aren't a marriage and it's been like that all along.You have a great relationship and a great sex life because your intimacy has been based on trust and learning about each other and being in tune with each other. Don't throw that all away....
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 April 2013):
 So, first your husband was excited by the idea, then he said it was up to you, and now he's a bit concerned that you'll fall for the other guy? Sounds like he's beginning to have his doubts. I can't stress my motto here enough: when in doubt, just say no!Two things here. The first is that your husband is already experiencing discomfort, however small or great, at the idea of you sleeping with his friend. That is only going to grow once you've slept with the friend, and it will continue to grow if you enter a full-blown relationship with the other guy. You've said that you and your husband have a great relationship and great sex, so why risk losing all of that?The second thing is that there is a rather bold line between fantasy and reality.I'd wait this one out. Work on your weight, and reconsider swinging. I don't know a ton about that, but I do know that you can develop a relationship with other swinging couples ("date" the couples, so to speak) before jumping into sex with them. Maybe that'd make you more comfortable.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 This is called a fantasy bcause it's something imagined in someones head, they dare themself with the thought and it all seems really exciting...
The reality is that in most cases, it leads to jealousy, deception, loss of trust and relationship breakdown.
Men are generally more insecure than women, Could your husband handle seeing you with another man?
Maybe, but what if you wanted more?, what if you fell for the other man?, what if you wanted to do things in private without your husband watching?...would you go behind his back? What if your feeings got the btter of you?
Swing clubs are not for the feint hearted and they also promote a lot of resentment and jealousy...they are fine for single men and women who can experience a married person and not worry about the emotional implications, but for married/relationship couples, someone always seems to lose out!! (unless you are both very very open minded nd understand the problems that could arise)
If your husband has any fears or misgivings at all about sharing you...he should not really be suggesting it.
You have to ask yourself if it's a test of your loyalty to him? (because some people can say one thing and mean another)
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 I think its a bad idea. Hes connected to both of u n that could ruin things if it develops into something more. I advise u find an attractive stranger that way its likely to b a one time thing with no attachments.
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