A
female
age
51-59,
*oody1
writes:I've been in a whirlwind relationship that I would consider my soulmate. He is recently divorced, a messy divorce, and has kids. I'm longtime divorced with no children. It was love at first sight for both of us and he asked me to marry him recently to which I said yes. He told me that I should've been the first woman he married. Well, we had an argument recently. Even the most perfect couples argue. He works a lot in a sensitive, stressful job and will be traveling on a trip that is dangerous. I wanted to see him before he left and his answer to me was its a "possibility". This upset me and made me angry. I told him I didn't understand why we couldn't see each other before he left, knowing he has a lot to take care of like household chores, kids, packing, etc. but figured he could at least find some time to see me. He got very angry with me, told me "I don't know what his week has been like and that he didn't want to deal with this sh** anymore!". He had been arguing with his ex-wife at the same time, which happens ALOT, when he said this. I told him that I couldnt even communicate how I felt about the situation without him getting angry and it seemed one sided. His only response to me was "later."I took his words to mean that he didn't want me anymore and offered to meet him to give his ring back. He told me to "throw it away". I asked him if he was serious and that I didn't mean for the argument to escalate so rapidly. We were both very angry and said hurtful things. He didn't respond again after that. I've tried to text him, call him, and email him, I have apologized several times and explained myself, since Friday night and he won't respond to anything. I have a tendency to worry a lot and have some anxiety. I haven't had luck in previous relationships. I've stopped all communication right now in hopes that he just needs some time. When he is gone on this trip, for the next week, he will only have limited access to email and wifi.How can someone be like this to someone they've told they "love so much" and that " I'm their best friend, soulmate, and future wife?" Im having a hard time believing that those words were not the truth. Maybe he's so stressed out with work, this dangerous trip, his ex wife, and kids and I'm just adding to all of that? I don't know what to do anymore and I'm afraid I've lost him.
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best friend, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, soulmate, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2013): As bitter a pill as unrequited love is to swallow, it is the foundation for most of the lasting beauty of the world. Most songs, novels, plays, and movies were motivated by mans enduring search to be accepted by the one they love. So your chore is to swallow this bitter pill and turn your life into something of lasting beauty. And maybe, just maybe, this guy that finds it so easy to be somewhere else will see what he is leaving behind and chose to stay close to you.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 August 2013):
 OK Moody, I read this after your most recent post. You dodged a bullet and Sage has it spot on. He's a creep. He fast forwarded you, future faked you, and he's no good for you. You deserve better. Go and pawn the ring and spend the money on a night out with the girls. X
p.s. check out this website. http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 August 2013):
 Moody: Relative to this comment that you made: ".... he's told me "until death do us part" when I've felt this way before..."
Please remember,... that we guys will say just about ANYTHING to a woman who has put out for us... and, who, presumeably, will continue to put out for us... as long as we say enough of "the right things" so that she will be sufficiently assuaged in her thinking... so that SHE WILL CONTINUE PUTTING OUT FOR US!!!! There is no "middle ground" about this... recognize it for what it is... and turn a deaf ear to much of what he says to you....
Good luck...
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reader, Moody1 +, writes (20 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@soveryconfused...Im having a hard time right now seeing that I should move on. I love him and I know he loves me. Its felt at times like we are already married and he's told me "until death do us part" when I've felt this way before. And before you ask, I have felt before during and argument that this was the end of our relationship because hes said the same thing before, about "not needing this sh**" and my anxiety comes into play and i go from 0-60 and he ends up reassuring me. I know he was/is under a huge amount of stress, we both are, and we said things to hurt each other. I don't usually hear from him consistently when he travels. It's just really bothering me. I've been doing some reading and apparently some men deal with stress and anger by isolating themselves. Maybe he is this type of man.I just don't understand and I obviously keep going over the argument in my head and it's driving me crazy not knowing. Ok I'm done. I'll wait for him to contact me. Thank you all for your help and input.
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reader, Brokenv  +, writes (20 August 2013):
Yep he moved on....lives with a gal and I think is very happy.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 August 2013):
 YOU WANT IT TO BE OVER... stop hoping it's not.
what you want is for him to want you... that strokes an ego... but the truth is that you are not getting anything good out of the relationship.
I would take control and give him a call early next week and meet him in public for coffee or something so you can tell him it's OVER... do not let him beg you to give him one more last chance... you will just go around in circles with this guy over and over.
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reader, Moody1 +, writes (20 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@brokenv..I take it from your response this has happened to you? you're not saying my man has moved on you're saying yours moved on right??
Right now he is out of the country and I wouldn't bother him with this while he is working so I guess I just wait until......
He will be back late Friday night and I wouldn't contact him then either but I'm wondering should I wait him out or should I contact him again at some point?
If it is over I really didn't want it to end this way. Something in my heart tells me it isn't over but then again that could be wishful thinking and my positive nature.
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female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (20 August 2013):
Love is patient;Love is Kind.
You are going to be ok.....I have been there. It took me a year to get over "being ignored". He has moved on...so must I.
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female
reader, Moody1 +, writes (20 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@sageoldguy1465...I hear you loud and clear and I am leaning towards not being with him. Thank you for your honest opinion. It did make me laugh a little because it is most likely spot on.
@brokenv...I understand I am probably one of the stressors in his life. I have tried to end the relationship once before because I felt I was just adding stress to his life and he stopped me from leaving because he told me "I am the only source of happiness for him" , so I stuck it out.
In any event, it doesn't stop the hurt I feel from being ignored.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 August 2013):
You write: "....I'm afraid I've lost him."
Heck, don't be "afraid".... be happy that your found out who he was... and he "tipped his hand" before you got any more fully "bonded" to him....
This guy sounds like a creep... and you are better off without him.....
Good luck...
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female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (19 August 2013):
I think he is ignoring you because you he is under a lot of stress and you are part of it.
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reader, Moody1 +, writes (19 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Brokenv thanks for responding. You are right I do need to "cool my jet" and let him get himself together. Although I did try to contact him to get him to talk too me, I don't consider it desperate. I would consider it caring. I wasn't sending him texts and emails every hour on the hour. And after a certain point I did become concerned that something may have happened. Maybe I'm wrong for trying to communicate my apologies to him but what's done is done and I can't take that back. So I have to move on and give him some space like you've suggested. But you said I should leave him alone to give him some respect and space. Do you think his ignoring me is respectable towards me?
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reader, Moody1 +, writes (19 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ So Very Confused. Thank you for responding. I have asked myself those questions many times. Our relationship happened so fast and everything seemed to click perfectly. We have so much in common and it feels right. But there are those red flags that I question and when I try and have a conversation with him and communicate my feelings he reassures me that he loves me unconditionally but never really addresses my feelings. This is a HUGE red flag for me. He is so wound up in his life that I am not getting my needs met.Our situation I think is stressful in the fact that he is newly divorced and there are kids involved. I can tell he is not good at managing his stress and this worries me ALOT. I am planning on taking this next week, while he's gone and clearly not contacting me, to evaluate my feelings for him and how he has treated me over the weekend since this just happened on Friday. I still don't understand how men do this so easily??
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 August 2013):
Are you sure you want to live your life walking on eggshells with a man who
a. has a stressful job and life
and
b. clearly has no coping skills for this stress?
the reason he does not kick you to the curb is it's easier to stay with something that will do vs being alone.
IF you allow him to treat you like this one time and it will continue forever...
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reader, Brokenv +, writes (19 August 2013):
I think you need to back off! You are going overboard and hurting yourself. Give him a break. Give yourself a break.
You said he is going away and it is a dangerous trip? Maybe that is causing him stress too.
Cool your jets. If you truly love him, show him some respect. You are coming off desperate. You already apologized with numerous communitations. He will return. You believe in him. Give him the space.
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female
reader, Moody1 +, writes (19 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also wondering what your opinions are about him not contacting me at all before he did leave for the week on such a dangerous trip? I think this is cruel and uncalled for.
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reader, Moody1 +, writes (19 August 2013):
Moody1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you TrancedRhythmEar for your response. I'm thinking stress is probably the reason too. Whenever we have had an argument, all have been over text, right in the middle of the argument he will tell me that he is getting it from both sides. Meaning he is fighting with his wife and me at the same time. So, I will try and diffuse the situation and tell him to stop fighting with me then and it just escalates. It has never gotten to the point where I have asked him to meet me so that I could give his ring back though so I feel especially bad this time around and wished I had not said that out of anger. I truly do believe I have met my soulmate. We both felt it.
He does have a very high strung personality, and from my own personal experience, I believe he has anxiety too. But I don't think I could be so cruel as to just cut someone that I supposedly love out of my life completely. Which is why I tried so hard to get him to talk to me, too no avail.
You're a man, If he truly didn't want anything else to do with me why not "man up" and just say so and then I would've stopped all communication from the get go? Now because he hasn't done that I still believe there might be some hope that he will contact me again after he's been gone for a week.
I am going to take the advice and not contact him for the week, as you suggested. Hopefully once this trip is over and he is back to his normal schedule he will come back around.
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reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 August 2013):
 Yes stress caused it. Apologize n let him cool down. Dont attempt to contact while hes away unless he does.
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