A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I work with many younger colleagues, 95% my workplace younger, which is fine, I have NO issue with my younger boss or working with 22-34 yr old colleagues, half are under 28, some are managers which is fine,they are good at it, im just an average worker, not a boss. Im quieter and not in the cliuque or included socially, (unless its qeneral work xmas party or big farewell or farewell groups drinks after work (rare)or sthing similar, which Is OK. I do my work, try to be polite to all, I say hi, appear interested, talk when I can and mostly i get along with them. (Im not rude and I would NEVER assume to be invited anywhere or ask myself out with them, if i heard them talking about something, its their business, just so you all know this...)The other day at work a young 22yr old colleague Tanya was leaving to go somewhere else for 6 months, we had a small party at work for her and at the party a colleague Gerri (who is 24 and is very outspoken) said "Im taking Tanya out for a wine after work" (as they are kind of friends, at work.) this was not directed at anyone, just at the room and the few of us in it generally.ME, stupidly and now I regret it so much..said, after a few seconds.. "I cant go I have something on this after noon,in the city, I have to be there at ...." As i was meeting a friend after work.Gerri said nothing but looked at me very briefly and kind of stared as if to say "I didnt ask you"Tanya (the girl leaving) paused and then said "you would scull the wine hey" and then talk continued as usual. I said nothing else abut it.I dont want to make an enemy of Gerri, she is well liked, loud and not the girl to make an enemy of... and now I feel she may think me weird ,and may, (or may not) tell ppl that I just invited myself, ie: "she just invited herself.." Which isnt what I meant..! I didnt say "Can i come" I was trying to be polite/sociable with my comment, but.. I should have said nothing or just "enjoy the wine"Now I feel that it was sooo inappropriate, and I looked desperate, odd, and like an older awkward colleague, when i wasnt invited in the first place.Wss what I did so wrong? and do I just go back to work next week and be the same as always to gerri? say hi and be polite..and dont bring it up and hope shes ok with it. again i have no issue with her but dont want to be though of as the odd weird,older one.Oh, and I am not a loser socailly! im just older then my colleagues, and said the wrong thing..Im usaulyl careful at work, I slipped up..They are all buddies, which is their business.. as I said.. I get along with them a work mostly. Sorry this may sound dumb/ and is long but.. Im one of the oldest there and need to get along with my young colleagues.Just wondering what you think, i think ill go back and work/behave as usaul, is that ok?thankyou
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 August 2013):
 gawd things roll out of my stupid mouth all the time...
I just forget them and move forward...
and don't worry what others think...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Use that fire when you're at work and you shouldn't have a problem when you return. No one is patronizing you. I call things as I see them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 August 2013):
 Don't worry about it. Types like "gerri" are all over the place, the best thing to do is just carry on as you did before.
Why worry about what those hens think?
Be who you are and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): I don't think you have anything to worry about to be honest. I mean she announced the outing in front of everyone, I would take that to be an open invitation to everyone (and I'm 25 so wouldn't say it's an age thing as such).
I'm sure if anything, they may have been surprised that you said that because you don't normally attend these sorts of outings with them. But there is no reason why anyone should cause an issue over what you said, and if this girl does I would keep reminding myself that its her problem and says a lot more about her than you.
To me, if people are arranging after work drinks or outings in front of everyone, it should be an open invitation to all. Anything less is petty and juvenile and I wouldn't worry about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Hi OP, I think you're overthinking too much into this situation. Even if you feel like you didn't respond "correctly" to the social cue, then why should it matter? (you even responded to such a way to say you weren't going to join in their wine date) . But I think that your colleague Gerri had a mean reaction though. This is just a small convo you guys had and it shouldn't affect how Gerri is with you in general especially if you've known her for quite some time (or else she is quite the stuck up person, and there is something wrong with her and certainly not you). If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around Gerri, than she may be the one with the problem, the office bully and not you.
However, something stroke me in your writing and your way to describe/analyze a situation as it reminds me how I used to think. I basically had some mild form of Social Anxiety and was basically always trying to get validation from others and therefore doing and saying what I thought people would like to get on their good side (regardless if it made me happy or not in reality) and also would replay snippets of conversations/social situations in my head and overanalyze them (and then I had CBTherapy and learned to be a little more selfish and accept who I am to be a happier person)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): This is the poster.
I dont appreciate being patronised thankyou "wiseowl"
I have no wish to "go back to school" I am happy working in my role and have NO issue with young bosses or employees, in my job most ppl are young, I work in hospital, thats life.
I am not some old fart that cant talk to those younger than me.
I have no problems working with young ppl, and as I said I am NOT some loser or simpleton or spineless idiot that cannot talk to ppl.
I do not Kiss ass, I am polite and I try to be friendly when I can,(I am there to work, I like my job, my colleagues are Ok & are not nasty, but they ARE cliuqey, thats life, esp in my area of work.)
When did I say that I let ppl walk over me? I do not, I am quieter but I can stand up for myself.!
This is not "ruining my wkend" i am asking a simple question and I dont aprecaite condescending, and patronising answers, of course I will go back to work as usual and keep going as though nothing happened. I am a professional & can behave as such.
I am asking for thought on the matter, not to be patronised.
thank you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Don't worry its not a big deal. You can't unring that bell so just act like nothing happened and it will blow over.
You can't stop people thinking whatever they are going to think about you so don't worry what is in their minds. If they are professional it should not affect the working relationships. So just act like nothing happened.
I too am much older than most of my colleagues and I am in a more senior position. I do not socialize with them outside of work so I don't really care what they think of me as long as during work they are polite and professional
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): My dear, you can't walk on egg-shells every minute of your workday, attempting not to offend people.
You may not be a boss; but you're still human. The others go to the bathroom, and have bowel movements like anyone else.
Kissing ass gets tiresome over the the course of time. Being a subordinate doesn't mean you're their doormat. If flying below the radar is your way of dealing with them, fine. If you show no assertiveness; everyone is likely to treat you accordingly.
It wouldn't hurt to go back to school and raise it a few rungs on the ladder professionally, for your own good. Just a suggestion. Always carry yourself with dignity. That comes with age.
Just go about your day as usual. Don't run around with your head lowered and tail between your legs all day. That invites people to walk all over you. So you said you couldn't make it, it made them realize they leave you out of things, if nothing else. They're a bunch of young snots.
You're not some senior-citizen taking up space. You're a valued employee regardless of your title. Pride isn't just a gang of lions, it's something you show when you know you're as good as anyone else.
I know office politics; but freaking out over something so minor isn't worth ruining your weekend.
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