A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Has any girl reading this settled for 2nd best?Shortly after meeting someone and going on a few dates I had to move 120 miles away. She sent me a very lengthy email explaining all the things she liked about me but she finds it so hard and impossible to do a LDR. She'd done one in the past and it failed and broke her heart. She really wanted to keep in touch, but now she's dating her friend (18 years her senior) she's known for a long time. I found it odd, but she says she needs it. I find it odd you can say all those things in an email to someone then start dating someone who was just a friend for years and considerably older. Is this because it offered stability? Also, I think she suffered depression, maybe that first occured as the first LDR failed. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 August 2013):
 She was very honest with you. Some folks can’t do LDRs. Who she dates now is not your concern as much as you want it to be. You had just started dating, and then you moved away. This means that in order to continue this relationship long term ONE of you has to move or you both have to move and split the distance.
If keeping in touch with her as a friend is going to be painful for you, then just tell her that you can’t be in touch and there is no need to pretend you can be friends.
IT may be as Jannipeg has said, she just does not wish to be alone.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 August 2013):
 She comes across as someone who can't stand to be alone and would settle for a possible 2nd LDR and a man much older than her. There is no need to stay in touch. Just hope that it would all work out with the older guy, just long enough for you to forget her. Maybe the friend has liked her for a long time and is willing to wait for her when she can't find anything better. You have just been going on a few dates. Things can get very intense when you have great imagination but those who fall in love fast falls out fast too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): I would say she liked you, so felt she wanted to give a full reason why she wasn't going to be in a relationship with you. I would not read any more into it. Why she has plumped for this other guy is beside the point. Many people complain that they aren't given reasons for someone not seeing them, so at least she attempted to be straight with you. She doesn't want a LDR, so I would just take that at face value.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): move on. forget it, because nothing will ever add up to you, and you will probably never get any closure that makes any sense to you.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv +, writes (18 August 2013):
I'm sorry to hear you think your second best. I think you are pretty amazing.
I also think this girl is not for you. She made a decision out of convenience not because of feelings. I think she picked this guy 'cause he's has been around.
LDR are hard on any couple. You only been on a couple of dates. Do yourself a favour, be this girl's friend. You have started somewhere new, take on this new adventure with excited. Get out and meet new people.
Good Luck
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