A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To try and keep a long story short, I left him because of his temper. He wouldn't yell, but rant on and on often saying spiteful things to me e.g. You're crazy, stuck up, bitchAfter a few weeks on no contact we started talking. Things were good. One day he was talking on the phone and started telling me how much he missed me and explaining his anger. He sounded remorseful. Then, we went to met up again. He started a rage agin because he didn't like the day I was available to see him as he wouldn't have cash and wanted us to go out (I would have payed for myself of course). He then started going over the relationship, telling me I never cared and was confused as to whether he had an temper or not (his family turns a blind eye). The conversation ended with us saying how we missed each other, him saying he wanted me back in his life everyday and me crying over the loss of the relationship. I called him the next day and told him I would prefer we didn't catch up. He sounded shocked, but didn't argue.Now, I really just want to talk. Tell him I care, how I hate his temper, feel like I'm dealing with two different people, how I hate his cranky side. I know it may never get anywhere productive, but I want him to hear it. Plus, he's always been the one to reach out (admittedly, I don't show my emotions)What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): If you have never told him how you feel then you should at least do it before cutting contact permanently. Seriously, have you never given him honest feedback the entire time you were in a relationship with him? If not you should do that but you should also leave him. He knows he has rage issues so that isn't news to him. But maybe what is news is how vehemently you hate it and how he comes off as such a complete asshole.My mother has always verbally abused me and I always took it lying down because I am a very laid back person in general, total opposite of her. I would ask her calmly many times to please leave me alone and not harass me. It never worked. One day when she was again going off at me something in me snapped and my own rage boiled over. I exploded at her with 10 times the vehemence she had at me. She was completely shocked because it was the first time I had ever done anything like that. It was totally out of character. Ever since then she has been less abusive to me. I am just saying that you can calmly explain and ask all you want but abusive and rageful people just don't register it because they are not paying attention to anything you say...if you one day catch them off guard by raging back at them 10 times as intense as them then they will listen because of how shocking it is because it is completely out of your character. But be warned that you only get one shot at this. Just one. Because if you then often start ranting and raging back then it loses its shock value because it will no longer be out of character for you instead it just becomes your new character that they adjust to. Then it becomes the stereotypical high conflict relationship where both people are always screaming at each other all the time.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 August 2013):
 This guy is a ticking time-bomb. Who KNOWS when will be the incident wherein he will actually HARM you???????
Sooooo, why even hold open the prospect for that to happen. Go on your own way.... let him go on his... and "... never the twain shall meet (again)..." You'll be much better off without him in your life......
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 August 2013):
 he knows he has a crazy temper.
best thing to do if you must tell him how you feel is to write a letter ON PAPER and mail it. but if you send it then you owe him the chance to respond... why would you want that?
he's abusive towards you and that's all you need to know.
but it will make you feel better to get it all out so I suggest you write the letter and DO NOT MAIL IT.
if you must burn it then do so... but for me writing things down and putting them away somewhere where i rarely see them and taking them out years later is a big help... I get to see how I've grown and matured over the years...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 August 2013):
 He knows. He knows that calling you a BITCH crossed a line. If you take him back, he will do it again, he will be sorry, but not sorry enough to admit that he needs some kind of help.
Next time he might throw in a slap for good measure and he will (like he did this time) try and convince you that it WAS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU made him do it.
If you want to tell him, I would suggest you write him a letter. Don't mail it for a week, re-read it and if you still think you have to explain it to him (and trust me girl he already knows, he just doesn't want to accept ownership) then consider mailing it to him. You will possibly get one thing out of this, him being even more mad at you for pointing out his faults. Nothing more.
I know you think that if you tell him in a loving way he will understand and maybe change. I wold venture a guess and say, he will not.
So maybe write the letter and hold on to it. Every time you feel you miss him you READ it and remember WHY you are not with him. And in the future when you met another guy down the line, you will recognize this and walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): You don't know how to stand behind a decision. This boy has anger issues, and he will always have them until he gets some sort of help. He got so angry he called you a bitch. He has crossed the line, and it falls under verbal abuse.
They're always sorry, but they do it again and again.
You made a mistake by ending no contact and starting it up again. You should have stood by the decision to breakup; because you will be repeating the cycle of pissing him off and things ending in his rage.
That isn't safe, and isn't really worth it. You should be having fun together. Not dodging his tantrums.
End it. It's not safe, nor is it good for you.
I don't care about how he apologizes and makes excuses. He'll keep up the rages; because he knows you'll just let him get away with it.
You'll always go from feeling love, to being hurt all in the same hour. .
Don't become that kind of woman who lets men abuse her, it isn't love. He will never change or get any help, as long as he knows he can find a foolish girl who will let him lose his temper at her; and she'll still stick around, even when it hurts. It will become a pattern for you to go from one abusive loser to the next. STOP IT NOW!!!
A guy who yells at you, will eventually hit you. That's because he has serious issues at home with his own family. His father is probably the same.
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