A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry, I'm back again...I just can't seem to get anywhere so have returned with still hope in my heart .I am still struggling to leave my husband who I don't love anymore. He is a recovering alcoholic with depression. I suffer from phobic anxiety with agoraphobia. My husband knew I wanted to leave and is now making an extra effort, but I simply don't love him. Our relationship has always been co-dependent too because of how we both are.I get as much help as I possibly can in my area, even a private counsellor too. I am very resourceful and mentally very strong but I'm despairing that I really will be trapped forever.I don't have friends. Just the odd female friend that states she is there for me and then I don't hear from her for days! Or a male friend who encourages me to leave and then says that if his wife left him, he'd be found with a needle in his arm! I am very gregarious, I'm not a loner, I'm the opposite. Apart from my work, which is all at home, that's all I have. I don't have any close friends. I do have things/groups to join end of August/September but my own degree in psychology states that a support network is essential, and family (without ne, people can be come very depressed/anxious, even suicidal)...and this I do not have, and to try and create one (when because community has broken down so much, I have really failed before, many times) with anxiety too, feels like a massive massive thing. Not to mention leaving devastation behind. Is this really possible? This is what I ask myself everyday.Please help...
View related questions:
alcoholic, depressed, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 You are allowing your fear to overwhelm you. I too have a degree in psych and tons of experience in life including leaving husbands.
A support group and network is VERY helpful but it’s NOT ESSENTIAL if it’s the only thing that is keeping you from leaving. In fact, you have a counselor and you have friends.. if you need them contact them do not wait for them to contact you…. Get on social media and find groups in your area that have interests you enjoy… gaming or books or something like that… do not HIDE behind your fear and use “I don’t have the support group in place” statement to continue to allow your fear to overwhelm you.
You have a counselor and friends and you know what to do when you start feeling anxious or out of control... you call them... or you take yourself to a safe place... there are local numbers for support...women's groups or shelters that provide support...
Your concerns MAY be valid...but I sense that in your case "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing" applies... do not use what may be as an excuse to make something happen just in case....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): The largest problem I find with people who write to DC for advice is, there is something they want to do; but they just can't do it.
The action of walking, is standing, placing one foot in front of the other, allowing the weight to shift to the foot forward; and repeating the action with the other foot.
It sounds simple doesn't it? Yes, if you have the ability to stand. If you have the intelligence and mental capacity to command the body to move, and the strength to physically carry out the task. It all starts with "will."
It takes power and motivation. Where do we get the power?
From determination, desire, and pure frustration.
You have been in a comfortable position of never forcing yourself to do anything. You sit and complain about everything happening around you. You never use the power you have. What exactly are you saving it for?
You are a prisoner of your mind. You never demand your body to do anything your mind wants it to do. Instead, you allow the body to remain stationary; and let your mind go all over the place without it.
Like a bus out of control with an unconscious driver. You're there; but you're asleep at the controls. Does that make any sense?
What's holding you back? Only two things. Fear and laziness.
The fear of the unknown, and you want someone else to show you an easy way to do things that are difficult. You blow fear completely out of proportion, and succumb to it. Then you sit back and beg that someone tell you what to do.
Then you won't do it. It's an endless cycle.
You give your mind peace by telling it, that someday you're going to do something. That day never comes. So you go seek advice. Advice gives you hope. Maybe someday you'll do it. Oh, but it's too hard. You procrastinate. Then you give up.
This has been a major part of your life. You're white-knuckling through a miserable marriage. You fear walking out the door into the fresh air, and you live inside your head. That isn't life. That's imprisonment. You're serving a life-sentence. The crime is, you give into fear and laziness. It's easy.
You are an intelligent and educated woman. You've lived your life behind walls. Avoiding the daylight.
When you decide to use your power, allow your will to take control, trust your own judgement, and suppress your unfounded fear. You will stand up, and walk out that door.
There is nothing to it, but to do it. You're tired of that marriage. Get on the phone, call a lawyer, and begin the process to end it.
Each day, step out the back door. Stand on the porch and feel the sun. Pray and give thanks for the will, and ask for strength. Do it again and again and again.
Good luck! The rest is up to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): Yes, it is possible. I left my wife six months ago after more than twenty years together. We just argued all the time, and I realised that even though she made an effort not to get so angry, I simply didn't love her. I found a little flat not far away and moved in, and I have to say that I have never been so content in my entire life. I was a bit worried that I would be lonely because I'm quite a shy person and not naturally gregarious, and all my friends were actually my wife's friends (I had moved to her country). But I was surprised how many good friends I have. It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and I invited all of my friends to a party, the first one since I got married, and they all came. Now I work, I potter around the flat reading, growing herbs and playing the guitar, and I go out with my friends. It's a very satisfying life.And my wife, who was very needy emotionally, has benefited too. She had spent most of the last ten years with depression, lying in bed till noon, then shouting at everyone. A couple of weeks after I left she had found a job, and she really likes it. You know, sometimes staying around and providing an emotional crutch can actually do more harm than good without you realising it.
...............................
|
