A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Married for 12 yrs. im a SAHM( Stay at home mom) with two kids 6 and 2 yr olds. Husband seeked escorts while 2nd pregnancy. Found out 2 yrs late. He says he is clean now no more a cheater but no matter how hard I try I find myself spying on him always asking questions. I love him but never trust him fully. I'm overweight and he is also not very fit but is on lean side.im sure he watches porn and according to him he masturbates in condoms . He is a very good father and provider. His friends also love going to strip clubs and hukkah bars. His line of work is such I can never really catch him cheating. Divorce in our culture is not an option really.lot of our men cheat on the side but still have long lasting marriages. I can't leave him but I'm going mad staying. I have no family in this country and only a few friends who are not that close. I dont have any such qualifications which can get me a good stable job.I feel like a loser.
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female
reader, tattyted  +, writes (17 August 2013):
 Sometimes people break our trust and sometimes we can't move past it but if you really want your relationship to walk you need to open up more and tell him what you are really going through. Have an open conversation on how you think he is cheating on you. It's natural in a person if they get hurt to lose trust it takes years to rebuild a relationship. If you don't feel you can trust him then talk it through and if all else fails don't divorce him if it's not the right thing in your heart but take a break spend time apart and see how you manage without him, he may not be cheating but if you feel he is maybe it's better to ask rather then work yourself up over it after all it only hurts you more. Maybe take up yoga and find inner peace with yourself and you may start feeling better it may take your mind off things for a while anyway
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2013):
 You are not a loser because your husband makes bad choices...
How can we help you?
do you want to consider leaving him?
do you want us to help you figure out how to do that or do you need us to help you find peace coping with a man who is clearly not as committed to your relationship as you are.
He places his friends above his family and that must be very hurtful and frustrating for you.
If divorce is not accepted in your culture, what do you need from us to help you cope?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2013): Please offer more details. What country are you living in now and what culture doesn't offer divorce in the 21st century?
I you are able to communicate with this site, you obviously are able to reach outside your oppressive culture.
It's difficult to offer advice to people in foreign traditional marriages.
You offer every reason why it is impossible to change your situation; so exactly what kind of advice would you be expecting? Your husband cheats, it is condoned by your culture, so there is nothing anyone can say that can make it any better for you.
You depends on this man for financial support, and you have children as well. You have no skills to work, so you have to learn to work. It isn't likely he will allow you to; unless you currently live in the United States, you are at his mercy.
You don't need family or friends to turn for help; if you reside in the United States. You go online and find women support groups; and seek protection. If you are abused or you are victim to an oppressive marriage ,I don't care where you're from, the law applies to everyone living on this soil.
If you are totally dependent on the man, and you fear him.
It isn't likely you'll do anything.
It is indicated above your post that you live in the U.S., then you have help just a phone call away. If you don't indicate what country you live, there isn't much advice we can offer you.
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