A
female
age
30-35,
*noxymous
writes:I feel as though my boyfriend is thoughtless, conceited, forgetful, and more importantly careless when it comes to our relationship. To make a long story short, he forgot about me last Christmas and my birthday this year. He promised me several times that he wouldn't forget, but it turns out to be a gigantic lie. He hasn't apologized, nor made it up to me. And I'm still really hurt over it and every time I think about these instances I feel even more depressed. He's capable of doing nice things for others, because I've seen him on other birthday occasions (like his mom's birthday, or his best friend's birthday). And I've tried to talk to him about how I feel, but he just ignores me and my words. Am I blowing this out of proportion or should I keep talking until I'm heard?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2013):
 if he gifts others on special occasions and not you, why are you even still with him?
do you think that talking to him will fix this?
clearly he can remember others on their birthdays and other events but he CHOOSES to not think about you... or gift you...
he is being passive aggressive. YOU are allowing it.
He has said he would gift you and has not done so more than once? If you do not like this behavior you do not have to have him for a boyfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Ok... time for some tough love, on your boyfriend!He may have gotten away with it on Christmas and your birthday, but no more ;-)Once, a mistake, twice, a misunderstanding but a third time, strike out!Time for some communication, with your boyfriend.Whether he forgot because he is a guy, whether he forgot because he genuinely forgot, or because it was a lie, the main thing is, he forgot. How to stop this happening again?He needs to be reminded, because yes we generalise when we say this, but guys do tend to forget, and they don't put as much emphasis on this, our special occassions, as girls do. Seriously.They can be the worlds best boyfriend but gift giving is not necessarily their forte, unless they are told or taught, bar the exceptions, so to those guys are are great gift givers, thoughtful and romantic - forgive us, but in general this is not the case.You can have of two options: the guy who does make grand gestures, the roses, perfumes or gifts galore, but he is fake or a liar and cheat sometimes (not all)... OR, you can have a real genuine, good hearted guy, who shows through his actions he loves you, but when it comes to gifts, he totally fails or forgets. Which would you prefer? I've had both, and I will take guy #2 who didn't realise a birthday or Valentines requires a gift but is true to me, does everything to show he cares in other ways, and I'd rather have that than the 1st guy who sent roses weekly, bought chocolates and gifts, but forgot to tell me he did that for other girls too, when we were exclusive.So what did I do? I told my boyfriend that those occassions are important to me, that I do want a gift, that I spend time, thought and effort on him and want some consideration too, and what did he do? He struck it out the part for a 6 with a beautiful, favourite colour and size handbag and purse and sorter inside which not only covers Valentines, but my birthday, Christmas and the rest of the year as far as I'm concerned. I didn't necessarily want expensive, I just wanted to be shown he cared, and he more than proved he DID.Your boyfriend may have a budget crisis, so only got for his mom, etc. He may not know what to get you, so help him.Guide him, or give him a list, or take him with you to show what you want, or ask for gift coupons so you buy what you want. Have open communication and check if budget is a concern, then know it's not forgetfulness but that he can't at this time, does not mean he does not care.Don't attack him, don't judge him - he will get defensive. Instead, tell him how you feel neglected and that you are not important or considered in his life when you see his mom and best friend get something, yet you feel forgotten? See what he says. It also depends how long you have been dating - if it's early days, give it time. If he is selfish in other areas, then it's a pattern, but if it's only with gifts, cut him some slack, tell him how you feel, and allow more time to see how things go.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
 what do you mean exactly by he forgot about you?
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