A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm an emotional roller coaster lately, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm torn, or if I'm going into a "low" period. I have had periods where I feel very negative before, and in these periods everything looks black. So please, it'd be great to hear if I should listen to my negative thoughts this time, or if it's a passing thing.I have been wanting to move in with my boyfriend for the past 6 months, and he's been telling me we need to wait, the timing isn't right, he isn't ready. So I've waited. I want to be married someday too, not just live together. We've been together for two and a half years, and still not living together! I wonder if this is ever going to progress? I'm 28 years old, and yes, I am under pressure from family to start having children. Yet with a boyfriend who still isn't ready to even live with me I can't see children in the near future. And, my little brother and his girlfriend of a year and a half are pregnant. They moved in together after 6 months, and are now pregnant, after trying for a baby for the past 6 months. They're 24/25, and my younger cousins are also starting families now. It's like life skipped over me, you know? It feels that way. It makes me feel like I'm stagnated and at a dead end.My boyfriend doesn't even know if he ever wants to get married or have children, all he knows so far is that he's not ready to live with me yet. The only time frame I have from him is that within the next three years we will be living together. He thinks we should buy a house together in the vague future, but marriage hasn't crossed his mind. I had a bit of a blowout about this yesterday, where he told me these things. I've been patient with him all along because he's the love of my life, really. He would be a great father, and he's in fact the only man I ever met that I actually want children with, someone I know would be wonderful as a father. And he's good to me, loves me dearly, tells me so often and shows it too. But him not wanting to live with me still makes me feel rejected. I'm thinking, after all this time together, he should know by now if I'm the one for him. I know that I want to grow old with him, he's the one I want to share my life with. But when he doesn't feel the same about me (at least not yet) it leads to me pulling away. Do I wait? Will it come in time? Or do we not want the same things? Sorry if this was confusing, my head is all over the place. Thank you to anyone who answers.
View related questions:
cousin, moved in, period, trying for a baby, want children Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 I'm of the belief that he would know by now... and if he's not able to give you what you want at your age after 2.5 years together he probably never will.
the only way to find out is to push him to that limit.
I did this with my first husband... I loved him and wanted him to want me the same way (get married NOT live together as it was still not commonly done back then) and I told him
"I love you and I want to be with you but you are not willing to make a commitment I want so I think we should start dating others"
and I did.
I had exactly two dates and I came home to my parents house to an envelope taped to the door from him telling me that I made him see what he was losing...
we were married shortly after...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): first of all, do you truly want to get married and have kids soon, or are you "under pressure" to do so? Those are not the same things. If you're only wanting those things - or at least wanting to put a time frame on them in the near future - because of external pressure, then I would suggest that best approach to feel better, is to work on yourself and be more confident in what you truly want and not be so susceptible to what your family and friends are thinking and doing. Learn to live your life on your own terms, not because you are trying to keep up with the joneses or because you feel you have something to prove to other people. I guess one way to look at it is, if your brother, cousins, friends, etc. were all not married or living together or having kids, would you still be desperate to move in with your bf on this time frame and have kids in the near future? Or is it only because these other people are doing that?if your goal is to get married and have kids, and your bf says he does want that too, just not right now, then you have two options: wait for him until he's ready, because something as big as getting married and starting a family should happen when both people being ready. If you love him and trust him, then wait for him. If you leave him, there's no guarantee that you will meet another man that you will feel comfortable about marrying and starting a family with, or that it will happen on your time frame. the thing you want to avoid though, is waiting for him when he has no intention of marrying you or starting a family with you. I think you need to assess the level of trust in your relationship. If he says he does want to marry you and start a family, then if you trust him you should wait for him. But if you don't trust him then that there says you shouldn't even be with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 You should listen to your thoughts. They seem to be negative now, but your instinct always points you to a brighter future. I can understand why people can doubt relationships so much, but if you are going to have one, then do it all the way. As a man he can buy time but your biological clock is ticking. To buy a house without the prospect of getting married is like sharing space with a roommate.
...............................
|
