A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello...i started talking to a guy my friend knew..we used to talk almost daily and i started to like him and i could see he was intrested in me..but then all of a sudden he stopped talking and went silent on me..i texted him once and he never replied so he started texting my friend and my friend showed me the texts he was sending her telling her he wants her but my friend told him that cant happen because of how he was earlier intrested in me..i dint do anything to him at all o even said anything bad but i just dont understand this treatment...we are working in the same department with my friend and apparently he started picking her up from work bringing her lunch that was before he told her he wanted her...am so hurt i just dont know what to do i trully feel bad
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (15 August 2013):
 Sorry, my post is full of autocorrect blunders but I'm sure you underrstand what I'm saying.
A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (15 August 2013):
I completely understand your pain and you have my full sympathy because it's an extremely hurtful situation. I agree with a lot of WiseOwlE's advice but in this case I don't see where he gets that you're being immature about this from.
I found myself in your situation a few years ago and it was horrible. I didn't think I could get over it. Knowing that the guy I thought I loved had those same feelings for someone so close to me was almost unbearable. What I can tell you, with the benefit of hindsight, is that one day in the not-too-distant future, this guy and this situation won't mean anything to you.
What you feel for him is infatuation, because you haven't been together so the emotions you feel for him are quite superficial, however deep they may seem. So it will be easier to get through this than if he had been you're boyfriend and had cheated on you or left you for someone else. Your feelings will fade.
The two of you might not even have been compatible. When you like someone, you see what you want to see and overlook the rest. This could be a blessing.
When it happened to me, I felt depressed for a while and I kind of hatred my friend for existing. After done time had pressed I started to see things clearly. It shocked me into realising what I had felt for the guy was nothing but a crush and it made me get over him. Instead I worked on myself and on my friendship with my best friend, which had suffered as a result. Four years down the line, we have a strong, solid friendship, I have met and dated 3 people in that time (and recently met someone really great) and that guy and the whole incident mean nothing. I very occasionally chat to him on Skype and he's a nice enough guy but I'm so glad nothing ever happened between us.
In short, you need to hang in there. Be patient but proactive. Work on yourself, try to meet new people. Don't use this as an excuse to fall into depression. Use it as an excuse to work on the things in your life and about yourself that you think need work.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (14 August 2013):
 This is very hurtful for you but it may be of some comfort for you to know that you are not alone in this. It has happened to many people. It has certainly happened to me a couple of times in the past when I was around your age and unfortunately there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. However much you may fancy somebody, you cannot make them fancy you. It's all the more hurtful when he fancies your friend but please don't let it spoil your friendship with her. The best thing to do is forget him as a possible boyfriend and try to regard him as a work colleague. See if you can find somebody else.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 August 2013):
 I think that he liked you as a friend and figured if you were friends with the girl he liked he would cultivate your friendship but once he realized you wanted more than just friends with him he backed off since he was never interested in you that way.
I think you are embarrassed that you let your feelings show to him and he did not reciprocate them. This is actually very common and he has done nothing wrong based on what information you have submitted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2013): Just because you like him doesn't mean he has to like you.
He isn't interested in you, he is interested in your friend.
He has a right to like whomever he wishes. Just like you do. I'm sorry you are disappointed about that, but get your jealousy under control. We don't always get what we want.
People are not obligated to like you; because you have an interest in them. You may have flirted with him first; but that doesn't make him your boyfriend. He didn't tell you he liked you, he went after the person he does like. That person happens to be your friend.
She was a good friend to step aside out of consideration of your feelings. She was open and honest, and even showed you the text messages. That wasn't even necessary.
He didn't give up on her, because he really likes her. It wasn't meant to be for you.
Suck it up and deal with it. If you're going to be childish about it, he chose the right girl.
Like it or not, that's life.
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