A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I really don’t know where to start..I met a beautiful lady (24) that is now my wife accidentally through social media whilst I was part of a high profile event which we both were using such public platform to talk about. Cut a long story short, 3 months later I flew out to meet her in India (where she’s studying without her family) after we’d spoke for tens of hours every day and had fell for each over, we spent several perfect weeks together and I proposed to her (normal for our culture).On her return to the country her family/home was based in and where I lived her parents disapproved of the relationship. She entered severe depression as like many Asian families they severely suppressed her. Symptoms of her condition began to show but I stuck by her as no matter what her family went through she didn’t stop loving me a single bit. She asked me to wait for her and meet her in India where we would have a secret religious marriage ceremony (the first of 3 to be married legally) to make our relationship religiously acceptable. My parents accepted my decision whilst hers were kept uninformed by her as she decided. To confirm in our religion this is valid as they were racist because of my mothers race and questioned my commitment to our faith which is completely not allowed by anyone of our faith.Prior to our marriage, I was offered a dream job as the third most senior position in a very prestigious organization in our shared dream country to settle in. After our marriage I moved there and began sourcing a home, car, job opportunities for her – everything she asked for. Two months later within a week of her expected arrival she became very unclear and several days later attempted suicide which led to her admission into hospital. Luckily I’d secured a ticket and visa several days before which she knew as was so pleased about. It was revealed she had Bi-Polar, I took care of her in the hospital, supported her to get discharged, begged her to return home to our dream country etc. She refused and asked me to arrange a ticket for two weeks later, which I supplied.On the date of her expected arrival she was unable to board the flight as she had a luggage issue and as expected with someone of her condition she panicked and missed the flight which caused me great upset and embarrassment as I’d made arrangements to welcome her here etc.Cut the long story short, we’re practically living separated now. She says she needs time to work out where she’s going, she’s committed to her course in January but both her parents and I are urging her to see each of us in our respected countries until then. I try and give her space and don’t message on Whatsapp and ask her to relax and message me when she feels like it but she hates that and we end up talking. She’s told me she doesn’t want to loose me and worries if there’s anyone else (which there ISN’T) and wants to hold on to me but cannot tell me when I’ll see her and I can’t go there due to visa/working regulations. I’ve offered her to sleep on separate beds if she came, book her return ticket guaranteed etc etc. But she says she’s prevented from seeing me as her parents don’t know we’re married and she can’t cope with her condition telling them at this moment.I’m 20 and an extremely loyal and an honest guy, I eat out alone, I’m not socializing since I came here as awaiting her arrival to do so…I’ve spent the whole weekend in my office working to occupy me as I don’t want to upset her, I’ll wait for her to come, for us then to enjoy life here and make new friends together.I know she’s not cheating on me, as I was cheated in my last and only other relationship. But I just don’t get how she can chill with her female friends and go-out when her house/car/husband is waiting for her and she’s not here.I love her so much as despite my very public achievements as an entrepreneur and with my media profile, she doesn’t care about it. She only loves me for who I am and we’re so good for each over and are able to support each over with genuine care and passion. I just want my wife with me, I want to make her happy, I’ve tried everything and she says it’s ‘not me’, but I must be doing something wrong. I asks her if she wants me to go away/leave me and she says no?Have you ever experienced a bi-polar partner? Is this normal? What would you recommend please?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 August 2013):
 medicated bi-polar is usually workable if they can find meds that work. un-medicated bi-polar is NOT good.
Lies are not good.
and truthfully " as expected with someone of her condition she panicked" UMMM NO... NOT as expected. it's HOW she copes... also NOT good.
you are not married long
you are not living together
you are both very young
she married you under false pretenses (not knowing she had a mental illness was NOT fair to you)
you are 20 years old... and while her age (24) does not phase me... it's not a good sign on her part that she was interested in you. 20-24 is a bigger gap than 24-28 is.
it has to do with maturity that comes with time and experience... not saying you are not mature for your age but you are still just 20 years old...
you are cutting YOUR NEW WIFE slack and giving her space when at this point in your marriage/relationship (it NEVER should have progressed to marriage so quickly) the two of you should not be able to stand being apart at all.
seek legal opinions on if you can get an annulment..
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 August 2013):
 A bi polar person worships you at the beginning then pushes you away with insecurity issues. A relationship with a bi polar person is like a roller coaster. You never get a moment of peace. There is no boredom, sure but in time it wears you down when her problems become your problem. In your case she has more problems than being bi polar. I don't know how strict her parents are. Are they the ones who look at honour killings as the norm? Maybe she wants to flee from them, but is afraid of them tracking both of you?
As to why she is hanging out with female friends. She is living a double life. While at home she is a completely different person. Her friends don't know about you and your dream country. They help her distract her from this tension.
I would not recommend staying married with this person. Her parents are not going to let go with her daughter disappearing and you don't know what they would do. Yes their parents could be monsters but don't you think they would be curious about where her daughter is? Why your parents approved of this marriage is beyond me.
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