A
female
age
41-50,
*ravityclarity
writes:I'm 31 and have been dating my guy for 6 weeks. Over the past few weeks we've gotten pretty close and he's been spending 1-2 weeknights and all weekend at my apartment. He has a toothbrush at my apartment, but no other practical stuff (deodorant, razor, shaving cream, soap). He doesn't bring this stuff with him when he comes over, even though I think at this point it's pretty much assumed that he's going to spend the night every time he comes over. It occurred to me to buy him a few of these toiletries to keep at my place. Should I do it or is that too much? I want it to come off as sweet and welcoming, not overbearing. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2013):
 OP, when I was dating my husband it was long distance at first... I would drive to see him and cart all my stuff... I never asked to keep anything there... rather i had a bag of stuff that I just left in there and carried back and forth (a second set from my stuff at home including a blow dryer etc)... I remember when I went to see him after 3 or 4 visits and he opened an empty drawer in the dresser and said "I'm giving you a drawer, we both know what that means" I even posted it here... it was one of my first questions here... what does it mean when a man gives you a drawer....
I never would have assumed I could keep stuff there... and I would have found him buying stuff for me pushy... but to OFFER me SPACE to do with as I wished seemed nice....
Let him know you are fine with him leaving stuff... offer him his own spot for stuff...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): I wouldn't to be honest.
It would definitely look presumptuous.
He's left a toothbrush because that's what he's comfortable leaving. You want to be sweet, get him a bathrobe or something else equally noncommittal.
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A
female
reader, gravityclarity +, writes (20 August 2013):
gravityclarity is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAh, see this is why I asked. I've been in similar situations in the past where I was the one often staying at my boyfriend's house, but I didn't want to bring (or leave) my own stuff for fear of appearing too presumptuous or overbearing. I would have felt more welcome if the other person made the first gesture!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (20 August 2013):
Geesh I wouldn't think that was a big deal to buy him that stuff. You guys are in your 30's, your mature enough to know where this relationship is going. Your not taking marriage. I think it is a nice jester.
From reading everyone else's reply I think our idea is wrong????
Go with your gut!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 I think that if the relationship is going to go anywhere promising then it's your boyfriend you should ask.
Communication in a relationship is everything. I agree with other answers that you going out and buying these things could look a bit pushy. So communicate with him.
I suggest you keep it laid back and casually suggest that if he would like to leave a razor and deodorant etc in the bathroom you wouldn't mind.
If a casual comment like that sends him scurrying to the door then perhaps he's only with you one reason and that won't be a long term relationship.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Nope, I wouldn't do it. It might appear too presumptive and he might feel pressured to actually move in. Plus, would you want him picking out your deoderant and other personal things? I thought not.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2013):
 I agree, you are NOT his mother. If he wants to keep stuff at your house.. He can bring some. You are not dating a child, right?
Way way overbearing and you know it will lead to being taken for granted in no time or being taken as the "overly attached" GF... Your pick.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 August 2013):
Do not buy things for him.
Offer him a drawer in the bedroom for undies and such and maybe a small spot in the bathroom for anything he might need to keep there.
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